Dull.
no alarm going off today. atleast I couldn't hear it go off. shit. it's 12 already.
getting up from the mattress. rubbing my eyes. make up smearing all over the face and hand.
smudge. the floor is colder this morning than it was yesterday. looking out through the window.
damn sunlight. raping my naked eyes. pick up some clothes from the floor and get myself in them.
head over to my balcony and light a cigarette. yes. I'm late. again.
at the bus stop. rancid line in my head. "waiting for the buses but the buses won't come."
what the hell. why not? light up another cigarette but have to pass it out, noticing the bus is actually arriving.
listen to tapes on the bus. writing notes. thinking about things.
finally at the station. I see D wait for me.
"you're awake. I'm surprised!" he shouts.
"no, I'm not really awake but maybe after some breakfast".
damn me for sleeping too late. always!
"shit! you missed the best record swap ever!"
ugh. ofcourse I did. don't I always miss the best things?
"hey, what's up?"
I look a bit gray and empty, I'm aware of that.
"is it because you really wanted that record you'd been looking for the past 3 months?
and you missed the swap? don't worry about it, I think Dirt has it. I'm pretty sure he'll sell it for a decent price or tape it for you or something."
I lift my head to face him.
"why do people need each other?" I ask. out of the blue.
"what? you came here to ask me that instead of coming to the record swap? you're weird, you know that right?"
I smile.
"no but really. why do they need each other? why do we need each other? why do I need you and you need me?"
"um..well, you need your parents and it feels kinda logical in a way, doesn't it?"
"well yes, but do I really need them? or what do I need them for? comfort? safety?"
"I guess the reason why people get kids is that they wanna feel loved and have somebody to love. they want to be appreciated. and the same goes for having a partner. you know, to feel loved. that's why we need each other. no other cause I guess."
bright boy that D.
it strikes me like lightning. that's all I ever needed to hear.
that's what my boyfriend told me.
"ofcourse I need you, I LOVE you."
that's why I need him too.
after breakfast and a few hours in town I decide to go home.
I have managed to find my record and the sky doesn't look so grey anymore.
take my coat off and look up to the sky.
I think the sun is about to shine a little.
maybe not in this town but atleast on me.
in my head.
I decide to donate my cigarettes to somebody who needs them more than I do.
I get home and go through all my tapes to find an empty one.
I record all the best, sweetest and meaningful songs on a 60 minute tape.
I could always go drop it off at his house, but I decide to make it a bigger surprise and mail it to him.
yes, these are my lyrics to you.
they read I love you.
getting up from the mattress. rubbing my eyes. make up smearing all over the face and hand.
smudge. the floor is colder this morning than it was yesterday. looking out through the window.
damn sunlight. raping my naked eyes. pick up some clothes from the floor and get myself in them.
head over to my balcony and light a cigarette. yes. I'm late. again.
at the bus stop. rancid line in my head. "waiting for the buses but the buses won't come."
what the hell. why not? light up another cigarette but have to pass it out, noticing the bus is actually arriving.
listen to tapes on the bus. writing notes. thinking about things.
finally at the station. I see D wait for me.
"you're awake. I'm surprised!" he shouts.
"no, I'm not really awake but maybe after some breakfast".
damn me for sleeping too late. always!
"shit! you missed the best record swap ever!"
ugh. ofcourse I did. don't I always miss the best things?
"hey, what's up?"
I look a bit gray and empty, I'm aware of that.
"is it because you really wanted that record you'd been looking for the past 3 months?
and you missed the swap? don't worry about it, I think Dirt has it. I'm pretty sure he'll sell it for a decent price or tape it for you or something."
I lift my head to face him.
"why do people need each other?" I ask. out of the blue.
"what? you came here to ask me that instead of coming to the record swap? you're weird, you know that right?"
I smile.
"no but really. why do they need each other? why do we need each other? why do I need you and you need me?"
"um..well, you need your parents and it feels kinda logical in a way, doesn't it?"
"well yes, but do I really need them? or what do I need them for? comfort? safety?"
"I guess the reason why people get kids is that they wanna feel loved and have somebody to love. they want to be appreciated. and the same goes for having a partner. you know, to feel loved. that's why we need each other. no other cause I guess."
bright boy that D.
it strikes me like lightning. that's all I ever needed to hear.
that's what my boyfriend told me.
"ofcourse I need you, I LOVE you."
that's why I need him too.
after breakfast and a few hours in town I decide to go home.
I have managed to find my record and the sky doesn't look so grey anymore.
take my coat off and look up to the sky.
I think the sun is about to shine a little.
maybe not in this town but atleast on me.
in my head.
I decide to donate my cigarettes to somebody who needs them more than I do.
I get home and go through all my tapes to find an empty one.
I record all the best, sweetest and meaningful songs on a 60 minute tape.
I could always go drop it off at his house, but I decide to make it a bigger surprise and mail it to him.
yes, these are my lyrics to you.
they read I love you.