(no subject)

[tulippy]

I feel a little bit like I'm losing my mind. I feel like I tend to feel this way on Fridays, particularly late afternoon on Fridays. Particularly when it's gloomy and cloudy outside and it feels like there's nooo one in the office and don't get me started on when the vents shut off momentarily. It creeps me out. I know I used to feel sort of like this on Fridays when I would work at the library at Stonehill, but that was different (well, for many reasons) because I could see people walking around or sitting and reading/studying or something. Here, I'm in this cubicle, isolated, no visible windows or people in front of me, just a laptop and a gray wall. At a certain point I feel so depressed I can't do any more work and my brain shuts down. The late afternoon phone calls are the worst because it's extremely hard to muster up any enthusiasm and/or professionalism or sympathy. I feel like I should be sitting here totally excited, because the weekend is in 8 minutes, and I have plans with friends tonight, and I am going to the beach with my boyfriend tomorrow and then we have 2 concert options. And then on Sunday morning I'm going to Nekia's church. Any normal person would be excited for these plans to unfold. Trust me, I am wicked excited to leave Springwell, but everything else just feels like impending doom as well. Seriously, wtf is wrong with me. They always talk about "losing interest in things that normally bring you pleasure" as a sign of depression, and I can honestly say I have never identified with that symptom half as much as I do now. Now I feel like that symptom just IS ME. Nothing could describe my situation better. All the things I used to love... writing, singing, learning, creating, spending time with friends, planning for the future... I no longer see as holding any real hope. And acknowledging I feel that way just makes me even more depressed and anxious.
3 minutes to the weekend. I need to get ready to leave; I will NOT be here one minute past 5.