Just Maybe
Title: Just Maybe (a Smut-pilogue to No Haven for this Heart)
Words: ~3000
Rating: NC-17, XXX, whichever you prefer for dirty sexy fun
Pairing: Kara/Lee
A/N: Thanks to taragel for the beta and sci_fi_shipper for listening to me complain a lot.
Three… two… one…
Lee’s viper launched into the blackness of space and let out a deep breath. There was nothing ahead of him but eight hours of CAP. Hopefully it was enough time for him to get his head on straight.
Barely an hour ago, Kara had come straight off her shift, to take over watching Seph. Kara was flushed, her skin shining with a light sheen of sweat, flightsuit unzipped and tied around her waist. She scooped Seph up, as the ten-month-old proudly exclaimed “Mama! Mama!” and threw her chubby arms around Kara’s neck. It was nothing out of the ordinary, the two of them had been staggering shifts, trying to keep Seph with one of them and out of day care as often as possible. Somehow, miraculously, they were starting to become a real family. And just as Lee was about to leave, he leaned in to kiss her.
Their lips never met. He realized that he and Kara didn’t do that-things between them weren’t like that-but there had been a flicker of disappointment in her eyes when he pulled back and rushed out the door.
It hadn’t been the first time, either. More and more, Lee caught himself leaning just a bit too close to her or staring too long at her lips. He’d long given up on trying to pretend he didn’t want Kara, but it didn’t make a difference. As much as he wanted her-he wasn’t sure he was ready to take another chance with her, wasn’t ready to leave himself vulnerable.
Kara was healing, slowly but surely, from New Caprica, but it was still the Kara he’d known before all that who’d run off and broken his heart. Kara was rash and hot-tempered, all action and impulse. Sometimes, it made her the amazing soldier that she was, and others it made her a storm that left disaster in its wake. That’s just who she was, and nothing was going to change that.
Not that he wanted her to change. Just seeing her, every day, seeing her smile and hearing her laugh. He never wanted to lose that, he never wanted to lose her.
He loved her, he just didn’t know if he could survive her.
***
Kara let the icy water run over her skin. This was ridiculous. These days, all it took was a glimpse of Lee out of the corner of her eye to get her going-not that she saw him very often. Their CAP shifts were staggered, so one of them was always with Seph, and if they managed to have any off time together, they were too wiped out to do anything but sleep. Lately, the only time she saw Lee was in the briefing room, leaving only her thoughts and hands for company.
She leaned against the tile and braced herself in the corner of the shower stall, letting one hand slowly drift down over her stomach and slide through the slick folds between her legs. Kara traced circles around her entrance with the tip of one finger as her eyes slid shut. She blocked out everything but the feeling of her fingers sliding inside of her, first two and then three. She drove them into herself with a sharp, steady rhythm, grinding the palm of her hand against her clit.
Heat coiled low in her belly as she worked herself, fingers thrusting in and out, stroking deep. She cursed under her breath, letting her head tip back as she imagine Lee’s hands in place of her own-Lee fingerfrakking her to the brink of ecstasy. Her knees started to shake, toes curling as she neared the edge of release, when a sudden noise brought her out of it.
Her eyes shot open to find Lee standing in nothing but a too small towel, jaw gone slack as his gaze swept over her. She waited for him to turn away and stammer some excuse to leave, but he didn’t. Instead, Lee got a dangerous glint in his eye as he walked towards her. He slapped one palm out to turn off the water. Heat radiated off of his body, lips hovering just inches from hers. She felt the warmth of his breath the moment before he leaned in and kissed her.
His body pressed her back into the cool tile as one hand came up to cup her breast, the other dipping down between her thighs. His hand covered hers, fingers exploring the hot, wet skin beneath. He held her hand, pressing her palm harder against her clit as he slid a finger into her as well. She nearly came on the spot, knees buckling at the pressure. And then he started to move, rocking his hand with hers, slowly and steadily, thrusting deeper, deeper until she thought she was going to come apart entirely. “Lee! Lee, uhn, Gods!”
“Kara…Kara?...Kara.”
Kara awoke nearly jumping from the bed, Kara’s heart pounded, her breath coming hard. She pressed a hand to her sweaty brow as details suddenly came back to her. She was in Lee’s quarters-right, she’d fallen asleep watching Seph while Lee was on CAP and now Lee was sitting over her, his brow creased with worry. “It’s alright, Kara. It was only a dream.”
Kara sat up raking, a hand through her sweat-soaked hair. “Yeah, I know,” she muttered. Gods, she knew too frakking well. As much as her subconscious -hell, conscious-mind wanted him, she was damned sure she’d used up any second chances Lee was going to give her.
“Did he… Was it bad?” he asked, voice hushed.
She felt a pull of heat pooling in her belly as his breath hit her. “Wh-what?”
“Listen, Kara…” Lee moved closer and she could feel the body heat radiating off of him. Just like in the dream. “I know it’s been rough. But I want you to know, if there’s anything you want to get off your chest or if there’s anything I can do-”
“Trust me,” she muttered, “You really don’t want to know.” Kara swung her legs off the bed. She needed a cold shower-a real one-before she could do something she would surely regret, but before she could even stand up, Lee seized her wrist.
“Don’t,” he said, his voice firm but not angry. There was something truly earnest about it that caught her off guard. “Kara, just don’t. I thought that maybe we… I know things have been hard, and you’ve gone through something truly unbearable. But if you’re going to run off every time you have a nightmare than I don’t know how-mmf”
Somewhere in the middle of Lee’s speech, something dawned on her. They’d done this before. They were doing it again. And they would keep bouncing back and forth and someday it just might kill them both. She needed an answer, and so she was kissing him. Kara cupped one hand around the back of his neck holding him to her as she nipped gently at his lower lip.
“This one wasn’t a nightmare,” she said in a husky voice, watching Lee’s dazed expression. “I was dreaming about doing this.”
“Kara,” he murmured, but she cut him off with another searing kiss. Her tongue darted out, skimming over Lee’s lip as she swung one leg over him to straddle his lap. Lee’s hands hovered at her sides, fingertips flitting from hip to shoulder to arm before his hands closed over her biceps. “Wait.” His lips drew back as he took a breath. “Wait, I…”
“Gods, Lee,” she said, locking her eyes onto his with a gaze that seemed to stun him with its intensity. “Make up your mind. I want you.” She paused, her throat suddenly felt dry. She might be opening Pandora’s box right now, but she needed to see what was inside. Slowly, she said, “Do you want me or do you want me to go?”
***
The words echoed in Lee’s mind. He sat, staring up at Kara, frozen by a sudden paralysis. This was it-there would be no takebacks after this, months of pain and work and healing wounds were inevitably leading to this moment. Maybe, he’d always thought. Maybe they had a future, maybe they could have another chance, maybe he could forget about what happened before, but maybe was no longer an option.
He studied Kara’s face and realized she was holding her breath, waiting on edge, scared even for his answer. She wanted him, and gods did he want her-it was almost embarrassing how hard he was already, just having her hovering over him. He’d never truly stopped. He swallowed hard, hands reaching up to cup her face as he said, “Don’t go.”
Kara swooped down, devouring his mouth again. She shifted her hips just so and her inner thigh brushed against his stirring cock. Even through the layers of fabric between them he could feel the heat coming from her body. As he moaned in anticipation, Kara seized a moment of opportunity and her tongue dipped into his mouth. She tasted sour, like sleep, but he couldn’t bear to tear his mouth away. His hands slid into her hair, tangling in the short blonde strands, wanting to lose himself in the feeling of his tongue sliding against hers.
Before long, Kara’s hands were pulling urgently at his tanks. He groaned in disappointment as she pulled back and yanked his tanks up over his head. Once his arms were freed, he pulled Kara down to him, letting his hands skim up across the smooth expanse of bare skin on her back. He gathered up her tanks and bra and pulled them up and off with one sharp tug.
He wanted a moment to look at her, just to see her like this again, but Kara had other ideas in mind. If the insistence of her mouth as she sucked and nipped a trail from his shoulder down his chest as any indication of what she was thinking, he was more than willing to go along for the ride. She flipped open the snap on his pants, working the fabric down his thighs, even as she painted patterns on his abs with her tongue. She dipped her tongue into the hollow of his navel as she freed his aching cock.
Without preamble, Kara slid back and took his entire length into her mouth in one swoop. Lee fisted his hands in his sheets, trying to maintain some sense of control. It was too much, too fast-but that was just Kara, always. She wasn’t going to slow down for anyone, but right now she was making him lose it in the best way possible and it was all he could do not to come then and there. Her hot, wet mouth had him writhing on the bed and she’d barely done anything yet. When she moved, bobbing her head, hollowing her cheeks, it was better than anything he could have imagined.
“Ungh-Kara,” he panted, when the telltale pull of orgasm started building in his groin. “I’m gonna-gods!-I can’t-”
She released him with a soft pop. “Then don’t,” she said, a faint smirk on her lips. “Just don’t wake the kid.” She laughed as she swallowed him again. The vibrations and the sight of her-the sight of Kara-with her lips around his dick was too much. He was coming so hard he saw stars. He pulsed out in long spurts of pleasure. Kara swallowed it down before crawling back up his body and pressing another vigorous kiss against his mouth, letting him taste himself on her lips.
“Wow, Kara.” Lee gasped for air when they finally broke apart. “That was… that… wow.”
Kara grinned. “Better than your dreams, Lee?” There was a triumphant look on her face, pride glowing on her flushed cheeks, lips swollen, eyes dark with lust-he wanted to do this every night for the rest of his life.
Lee shifted his weight, rolling Kara underneath him and pressing her down into the mattress. “Hmmm,” he leaned in and let his lips brush against hers, sucking gently at her lower lip. “You’re the one who dreams about me,” he reminded her, and quickly resumed the kiss, reluctant to stay away for long. Lee’s hand slid down Kara’s body, quickly unzipping her BDUs and letting his fingers slip under the thin fabric of her briefs.
His jaw dropped as his fingertips found the wetness between her legs. Kara’s head tipped back, exposing the pale skin on her neck. He ran his tongue from her jaw to just below her ear and then down her chest to one breast, sucking and nipping, wanting to leave his mark on her. Kara’s fingers dug into his shoulders as he slid two fingers into her. His name fell from her lips as she moaned and he wanted to drive her as crazy as she’d just driven him.
One hand worked in a steady rhythm, driving deep into her, while the other toyed with one rosy nipple. Kara rolled and arched underneath him, cursing under her breath. Gods, she was amazing. Lee suddenly found himself impatient to taste her. He sat up, tugging off her pants and briefs before settling back down. He dropped a quick trail of kisses down her stomach, nudging his shoulder up under her leg. Kara made a brief noise of protest as he pulled his hand away, but she was right back to moaning and gasping as his tongue traced the folds between her legs.
Kara’s knee nudged him in the ribs, sending a clear message-get on with it. But Lee didn’t intend to rush a single moment of this. He pulled her other leg up over his shoulder, opening her up to him. He knew Kara would always be speed and fire, and if it meant more nights like tonight, he loved her for it. But she was going to have to learn, that he took things slow.
Kara was writhing on the bed, needy noises escaping her as his tongue darted across her clit in feather-light strokes. “Leee!” she moaned, her hips bucking against his face, but he didn’t pick up his pace. He traced a light circle around her entrance with the tip of his index finger before pressing it into her. He worked slowly, methodically, with his mouth and hands until Kara was whimpering and shaking and crying out as she tipped over the edge.
Her body still shook as Lee started to kiss a trail back up her stomach. A series of small, silvery lines on her abs caught his eye and he sat back a bit. Of all the physical changes since their… last time together, the stretch marks were the clearest. Tangible proof of what they had done, what they had made together. He splayed one hand low on her belly, a sudden twinge of regret, but not resentment, tightened his chest.
He wished he could have seen her-he wished he could have seen Kara pregnant. It was a foolish desire, he knew. No amount of dwelling on the past was going to change what had happened, all they could do now was keep moving on-it was all anyone could do in times like these.
“You stuck on something?” Kara asked, satiation lingering in her voice.
Lee shook his head. “Just thinking. I knew you never wanted kids… I just… I didn’t think you would…” He trailed off trying to push the almost traitorous thought out of his head. He glanced up, to find Kara staring at him with a strange look.
In a voice, so un-Kara and almost so quiet he didn’t catch it, she said, “I almost didn’t.”
Her words sparked a smoldering curiosity inside him. What did she mean by that? What changed her mind? Lee slid up her body, planting one arm by her shoulder, another by her hip. Maybe she was just going to shut him out again, but maybe something had changed. He had to try.
“Then why?”
***
Kara felt a sudden wave of dread wash over her; she was pinned to the spot. The urge to shove him aside and run was making her limbs itch, but she couldn’t keep running now. She shrugged a shoulder, trying to brush the question off. “Abortion’s a sin, Lee.”
That had been one of the things she’d told herself. The gods would look down on her-the gods had, for some frakked up reason, trusted Kara with this new life. Whether it had been a punishment or a blessing, she’d been pregnant with Lee’s baby. And the idea of killing something that was a part of him had made her sick.
Lee didn’t buy her answer, and it stood out plain as day on his face. She turned away, suddenly staring at the bulkhead, through the darkness. “I couldn’t do it, Lee. I just…” She took a shaky breath. “We… after everything that happened… with us… How could I?”
Kara squeezed her eyes closed, her breath stuttering against her will. Gods, this was just one more reminder of her frak-up, the one that ruined everything for them. Her heart pounded away as she lay there, waiting for some kind of answer, but Lee remained still, hovering over her. She lay still until she couldn’t bear it one second longer.
Lee had a look of pure awe on his face, stunned awe. When she moved, he seemed to remember that time was continuing to move, and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a tight embrace, letting her tuck her head against his shoulder. "It's okay," he murmured, brushing back a lock of sweat-slick hair from her face. "It's okay now."
Maybe, just maybe, Lee understood that she never stopped loving him. And maybe, just maybe, someday, he would find it in his heart to forgive her. And maybe, just maybe, they could make this work after all.
Words: ~3000
Rating: NC-17, XXX, whichever you prefer for dirty sexy fun
Pairing: Kara/Lee
A/N: Thanks to taragel for the beta and sci_fi_shipper for listening to me complain a lot.
Three… two… one…
Lee’s viper launched into the blackness of space and let out a deep breath. There was nothing ahead of him but eight hours of CAP. Hopefully it was enough time for him to get his head on straight.
Barely an hour ago, Kara had come straight off her shift, to take over watching Seph. Kara was flushed, her skin shining with a light sheen of sweat, flightsuit unzipped and tied around her waist. She scooped Seph up, as the ten-month-old proudly exclaimed “Mama! Mama!” and threw her chubby arms around Kara’s neck. It was nothing out of the ordinary, the two of them had been staggering shifts, trying to keep Seph with one of them and out of day care as often as possible. Somehow, miraculously, they were starting to become a real family. And just as Lee was about to leave, he leaned in to kiss her.
Their lips never met. He realized that he and Kara didn’t do that-things between them weren’t like that-but there had been a flicker of disappointment in her eyes when he pulled back and rushed out the door.
It hadn’t been the first time, either. More and more, Lee caught himself leaning just a bit too close to her or staring too long at her lips. He’d long given up on trying to pretend he didn’t want Kara, but it didn’t make a difference. As much as he wanted her-he wasn’t sure he was ready to take another chance with her, wasn’t ready to leave himself vulnerable.
Kara was healing, slowly but surely, from New Caprica, but it was still the Kara he’d known before all that who’d run off and broken his heart. Kara was rash and hot-tempered, all action and impulse. Sometimes, it made her the amazing soldier that she was, and others it made her a storm that left disaster in its wake. That’s just who she was, and nothing was going to change that.
Not that he wanted her to change. Just seeing her, every day, seeing her smile and hearing her laugh. He never wanted to lose that, he never wanted to lose her.
He loved her, he just didn’t know if he could survive her.
***
Kara let the icy water run over her skin. This was ridiculous. These days, all it took was a glimpse of Lee out of the corner of her eye to get her going-not that she saw him very often. Their CAP shifts were staggered, so one of them was always with Seph, and if they managed to have any off time together, they were too wiped out to do anything but sleep. Lately, the only time she saw Lee was in the briefing room, leaving only her thoughts and hands for company.
She leaned against the tile and braced herself in the corner of the shower stall, letting one hand slowly drift down over her stomach and slide through the slick folds between her legs. Kara traced circles around her entrance with the tip of one finger as her eyes slid shut. She blocked out everything but the feeling of her fingers sliding inside of her, first two and then three. She drove them into herself with a sharp, steady rhythm, grinding the palm of her hand against her clit.
Heat coiled low in her belly as she worked herself, fingers thrusting in and out, stroking deep. She cursed under her breath, letting her head tip back as she imagine Lee’s hands in place of her own-Lee fingerfrakking her to the brink of ecstasy. Her knees started to shake, toes curling as she neared the edge of release, when a sudden noise brought her out of it.
Her eyes shot open to find Lee standing in nothing but a too small towel, jaw gone slack as his gaze swept over her. She waited for him to turn away and stammer some excuse to leave, but he didn’t. Instead, Lee got a dangerous glint in his eye as he walked towards her. He slapped one palm out to turn off the water. Heat radiated off of his body, lips hovering just inches from hers. She felt the warmth of his breath the moment before he leaned in and kissed her.
His body pressed her back into the cool tile as one hand came up to cup her breast, the other dipping down between her thighs. His hand covered hers, fingers exploring the hot, wet skin beneath. He held her hand, pressing her palm harder against her clit as he slid a finger into her as well. She nearly came on the spot, knees buckling at the pressure. And then he started to move, rocking his hand with hers, slowly and steadily, thrusting deeper, deeper until she thought she was going to come apart entirely. “Lee! Lee, uhn, Gods!”
“Kara…Kara?...Kara.”
Kara awoke nearly jumping from the bed, Kara’s heart pounded, her breath coming hard. She pressed a hand to her sweaty brow as details suddenly came back to her. She was in Lee’s quarters-right, she’d fallen asleep watching Seph while Lee was on CAP and now Lee was sitting over her, his brow creased with worry. “It’s alright, Kara. It was only a dream.”
Kara sat up raking, a hand through her sweat-soaked hair. “Yeah, I know,” she muttered. Gods, she knew too frakking well. As much as her subconscious -hell, conscious-mind wanted him, she was damned sure she’d used up any second chances Lee was going to give her.
“Did he… Was it bad?” he asked, voice hushed.
She felt a pull of heat pooling in her belly as his breath hit her. “Wh-what?”
“Listen, Kara…” Lee moved closer and she could feel the body heat radiating off of him. Just like in the dream. “I know it’s been rough. But I want you to know, if there’s anything you want to get off your chest or if there’s anything I can do-”
“Trust me,” she muttered, “You really don’t want to know.” Kara swung her legs off the bed. She needed a cold shower-a real one-before she could do something she would surely regret, but before she could even stand up, Lee seized her wrist.
“Don’t,” he said, his voice firm but not angry. There was something truly earnest about it that caught her off guard. “Kara, just don’t. I thought that maybe we… I know things have been hard, and you’ve gone through something truly unbearable. But if you’re going to run off every time you have a nightmare than I don’t know how-mmf”
Somewhere in the middle of Lee’s speech, something dawned on her. They’d done this before. They were doing it again. And they would keep bouncing back and forth and someday it just might kill them both. She needed an answer, and so she was kissing him. Kara cupped one hand around the back of his neck holding him to her as she nipped gently at his lower lip.
“This one wasn’t a nightmare,” she said in a husky voice, watching Lee’s dazed expression. “I was dreaming about doing this.”
“Kara,” he murmured, but she cut him off with another searing kiss. Her tongue darted out, skimming over Lee’s lip as she swung one leg over him to straddle his lap. Lee’s hands hovered at her sides, fingertips flitting from hip to shoulder to arm before his hands closed over her biceps. “Wait.” His lips drew back as he took a breath. “Wait, I…”
“Gods, Lee,” she said, locking her eyes onto his with a gaze that seemed to stun him with its intensity. “Make up your mind. I want you.” She paused, her throat suddenly felt dry. She might be opening Pandora’s box right now, but she needed to see what was inside. Slowly, she said, “Do you want me or do you want me to go?”
***
The words echoed in Lee’s mind. He sat, staring up at Kara, frozen by a sudden paralysis. This was it-there would be no takebacks after this, months of pain and work and healing wounds were inevitably leading to this moment. Maybe, he’d always thought. Maybe they had a future, maybe they could have another chance, maybe he could forget about what happened before, but maybe was no longer an option.
He studied Kara’s face and realized she was holding her breath, waiting on edge, scared even for his answer. She wanted him, and gods did he want her-it was almost embarrassing how hard he was already, just having her hovering over him. He’d never truly stopped. He swallowed hard, hands reaching up to cup her face as he said, “Don’t go.”
Kara swooped down, devouring his mouth again. She shifted her hips just so and her inner thigh brushed against his stirring cock. Even through the layers of fabric between them he could feel the heat coming from her body. As he moaned in anticipation, Kara seized a moment of opportunity and her tongue dipped into his mouth. She tasted sour, like sleep, but he couldn’t bear to tear his mouth away. His hands slid into her hair, tangling in the short blonde strands, wanting to lose himself in the feeling of his tongue sliding against hers.
Before long, Kara’s hands were pulling urgently at his tanks. He groaned in disappointment as she pulled back and yanked his tanks up over his head. Once his arms were freed, he pulled Kara down to him, letting his hands skim up across the smooth expanse of bare skin on her back. He gathered up her tanks and bra and pulled them up and off with one sharp tug.
He wanted a moment to look at her, just to see her like this again, but Kara had other ideas in mind. If the insistence of her mouth as she sucked and nipped a trail from his shoulder down his chest as any indication of what she was thinking, he was more than willing to go along for the ride. She flipped open the snap on his pants, working the fabric down his thighs, even as she painted patterns on his abs with her tongue. She dipped her tongue into the hollow of his navel as she freed his aching cock.
Without preamble, Kara slid back and took his entire length into her mouth in one swoop. Lee fisted his hands in his sheets, trying to maintain some sense of control. It was too much, too fast-but that was just Kara, always. She wasn’t going to slow down for anyone, but right now she was making him lose it in the best way possible and it was all he could do not to come then and there. Her hot, wet mouth had him writhing on the bed and she’d barely done anything yet. When she moved, bobbing her head, hollowing her cheeks, it was better than anything he could have imagined.
“Ungh-Kara,” he panted, when the telltale pull of orgasm started building in his groin. “I’m gonna-gods!-I can’t-”
She released him with a soft pop. “Then don’t,” she said, a faint smirk on her lips. “Just don’t wake the kid.” She laughed as she swallowed him again. The vibrations and the sight of her-the sight of Kara-with her lips around his dick was too much. He was coming so hard he saw stars. He pulsed out in long spurts of pleasure. Kara swallowed it down before crawling back up his body and pressing another vigorous kiss against his mouth, letting him taste himself on her lips.
“Wow, Kara.” Lee gasped for air when they finally broke apart. “That was… that… wow.”
Kara grinned. “Better than your dreams, Lee?” There was a triumphant look on her face, pride glowing on her flushed cheeks, lips swollen, eyes dark with lust-he wanted to do this every night for the rest of his life.
Lee shifted his weight, rolling Kara underneath him and pressing her down into the mattress. “Hmmm,” he leaned in and let his lips brush against hers, sucking gently at her lower lip. “You’re the one who dreams about me,” he reminded her, and quickly resumed the kiss, reluctant to stay away for long. Lee’s hand slid down Kara’s body, quickly unzipping her BDUs and letting his fingers slip under the thin fabric of her briefs.
His jaw dropped as his fingertips found the wetness between her legs. Kara’s head tipped back, exposing the pale skin on her neck. He ran his tongue from her jaw to just below her ear and then down her chest to one breast, sucking and nipping, wanting to leave his mark on her. Kara’s fingers dug into his shoulders as he slid two fingers into her. His name fell from her lips as she moaned and he wanted to drive her as crazy as she’d just driven him.
One hand worked in a steady rhythm, driving deep into her, while the other toyed with one rosy nipple. Kara rolled and arched underneath him, cursing under her breath. Gods, she was amazing. Lee suddenly found himself impatient to taste her. He sat up, tugging off her pants and briefs before settling back down. He dropped a quick trail of kisses down her stomach, nudging his shoulder up under her leg. Kara made a brief noise of protest as he pulled his hand away, but she was right back to moaning and gasping as his tongue traced the folds between her legs.
Kara’s knee nudged him in the ribs, sending a clear message-get on with it. But Lee didn’t intend to rush a single moment of this. He pulled her other leg up over his shoulder, opening her up to him. He knew Kara would always be speed and fire, and if it meant more nights like tonight, he loved her for it. But she was going to have to learn, that he took things slow.
Kara was writhing on the bed, needy noises escaping her as his tongue darted across her clit in feather-light strokes. “Leee!” she moaned, her hips bucking against his face, but he didn’t pick up his pace. He traced a light circle around her entrance with the tip of his index finger before pressing it into her. He worked slowly, methodically, with his mouth and hands until Kara was whimpering and shaking and crying out as she tipped over the edge.
Her body still shook as Lee started to kiss a trail back up her stomach. A series of small, silvery lines on her abs caught his eye and he sat back a bit. Of all the physical changes since their… last time together, the stretch marks were the clearest. Tangible proof of what they had done, what they had made together. He splayed one hand low on her belly, a sudden twinge of regret, but not resentment, tightened his chest.
He wished he could have seen her-he wished he could have seen Kara pregnant. It was a foolish desire, he knew. No amount of dwelling on the past was going to change what had happened, all they could do now was keep moving on-it was all anyone could do in times like these.
“You stuck on something?” Kara asked, satiation lingering in her voice.
Lee shook his head. “Just thinking. I knew you never wanted kids… I just… I didn’t think you would…” He trailed off trying to push the almost traitorous thought out of his head. He glanced up, to find Kara staring at him with a strange look.
In a voice, so un-Kara and almost so quiet he didn’t catch it, she said, “I almost didn’t.”
Her words sparked a smoldering curiosity inside him. What did she mean by that? What changed her mind? Lee slid up her body, planting one arm by her shoulder, another by her hip. Maybe she was just going to shut him out again, but maybe something had changed. He had to try.
“Then why?”
***
Kara felt a sudden wave of dread wash over her; she was pinned to the spot. The urge to shove him aside and run was making her limbs itch, but she couldn’t keep running now. She shrugged a shoulder, trying to brush the question off. “Abortion’s a sin, Lee.”
That had been one of the things she’d told herself. The gods would look down on her-the gods had, for some frakked up reason, trusted Kara with this new life. Whether it had been a punishment or a blessing, she’d been pregnant with Lee’s baby. And the idea of killing something that was a part of him had made her sick.
Lee didn’t buy her answer, and it stood out plain as day on his face. She turned away, suddenly staring at the bulkhead, through the darkness. “I couldn’t do it, Lee. I just…” She took a shaky breath. “We… after everything that happened… with us… How could I?”
Kara squeezed her eyes closed, her breath stuttering against her will. Gods, this was just one more reminder of her frak-up, the one that ruined everything for them. Her heart pounded away as she lay there, waiting for some kind of answer, but Lee remained still, hovering over her. She lay still until she couldn’t bear it one second longer.
Lee had a look of pure awe on his face, stunned awe. When she moved, he seemed to remember that time was continuing to move, and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a tight embrace, letting her tuck her head against his shoulder. "It's okay," he murmured, brushing back a lock of sweat-slick hair from her face. "It's okay now."
Maybe, just maybe, Lee understood that she never stopped loving him. And maybe, just maybe, someday, he would find it in his heart to forgive her. And maybe, just maybe, they could make this work after all.