Out of the Black- Chapter 6

[rayruz]

 

Comments

[rayruz]

Glad you're enjoying.

[ecstaticdance]

Simon would/should get along well with Lee, really. So formal and all-business. He never takes off the doctor suit for very long.

And poor Kara. The doc's right, of course, but if Kara could go there, she wouldn't be Kara, would she?

And Karl. He has such a hard time hanging on to his girls. I feel so bad for him.

I love that Kaylee commandeered Jayne's hat to hide Chief in plain sight. Hee! Smart girl, that one.

[rayruz]

In the original story, I sorta shipped Dee/Simon... I think he has the qualities that Dee liked in Lee... and since I split up Simon and Kaylee...

I just needed to get the idea of Kara needing some therapy out there... I dunno how far I will go with it, but just it needed to be out there... she needed to recognize something was legitimately wrong, which is step one.

Oh, Helo... his life kinda sucks well and truly.

I don't know where the hat thing came from but I'm glad you liked it!

[stripes13]

I loved seeing Lee's worry about Kara's safety, and Helo's utter devastation at losing Sharon and Hera. And I liked how you incorporated the Basestars in with Miranda.

Kara's determination to get them back is good, and the scene in Serenity's infirmary with River was so good. That interaction between her and River will be so interesting to see where you take it.

Great Job

[rayruz]

Your icon makes me want to pet Jake. Alot.

Getting into the real actiony bits soon. Hope you'll like them.

[shah_of_blah]

Oh, I'm definitely getting excited! Not that I wasn't before, but the tension just went up, like, 200%.
Some of the things I loved this chapter:
-the Miranda mystery and the extra basestar, and how did the Alliance learn about the Five? Can't wait to find out.
-Kara and Karl doing their thing.
-Kara and Mal and the "you're part of my crew."
-Kara flipping out at River, and Simon trying to get her to talk about it. *love*
-AND the promise of a reunion soon.

[rayruz]

how did the Alliance learn about the Five?

Whoops.. covered that, guess it wasn't as clear as I thought.

also identical to the intruders on the planet’s surface, including several models, which were not found on the planet.

I was thinking there had to be spare bodies for each of them, Ellen couldn't have downloaded if there wasn't.

I'm so glad the River and Kara scene wasn't over the top. :) I worried it was. I'm glad you're enjoying!

[shah_of_blah]

Oh, right. Got it. I guess that was just one of those things in the show that I ignored because it didn't make sense to me...

[andacus]

Ooh, we're getting into the action now! I like that you're keeping many elements from the original version. This is coming together better though, not that OotB 1.0 had anything wrong with it, this is just smoother.

I, for one, simply cannot wait for everyone to be back together again. And by everyone, of course, I mean the extended Adama family (including Helo). And I'm super excited for the Serenity crew to be in on the action with our wacky family. Truly, this is very entertaining to read.

[rayruz]

Yeah, that's part of why I wrote this is because I felt that the first version was not smooth at all. And I wanted to make just a better flowing story.

Reunion soon! I promise.