Root of all

[tulip_fever]

So, lots of random little things get plugged together in this post.

First of all, I've decided that I didn't binge yesterday. Which in a way is empowering--it shows me that I can overeat without bingeing. Which is a good thing to remember. One extra cookie (why do I always use cookies as an example?) is not a reason to throw off the rest of my

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[saddest_smile]

First of all, I've decided that I didn't binge yesterday. Which in a way is empowering--it shows me that I can overeat without bingeing.

I think you're really on to something there. It's a seperation of a word--literally, but it can completely change how you view the situation...and more importantly, how you react. When you think "binge"--you think, "oh shit, I blew it, hand me the entire cake--I might as well finish it"

I'm also kind of tired. I'm wondering if I've pushed myself too hard too fast. I mean, my next scheduled rest day is for Wednesday, and already my body is kind of tired.

It's good that you're paying attention to your body :) Going 2 or 3 days between workouts doesn't matter much in the long run (skipping 2 or 3 weeks will add up, though). If you really do feel tired...go ahead and skip. Don't see it as a failure--see it as giving your body what it needs. It's served you well so far, putting in good workouts...listen to it's cues. But if you do really WANT (rather than feel compelled) to work out...if you actually enjoy it, then by all means go ahead!

Unless I'm writing a paper or something for school, my writing tends towards more of the ranting, simplistic nature. I dispense with imagery and metaphor and all the other stylistic elements that go into good writing.

You're talented. I could see that already...but why do you reserve that talent only for papers? Writing well for your teacher is certainly to be commended...but why not for yourself? *grins* Sure, get a little sloppy--screw spellcheck and grammarcheck, screw structure, even. But if you enjoy writing, and you certainly have the knack for it, why not indulge in it for something that YOU like? You remind me of a rising young chef, who puts in much work and effort into pleasing her customers...and then settles for microwave mac-and-cheese for her own dinner. You deserve it too, you know.

When you think "overeat," you tend to think, "Well, that wasn't smart...but if go easy on dinner tonight, I'll be ok by tomorrow."

The idea of a "binge" seems so final. We're horrified of it...absolutely horrified that it happens, and we try to appease that horror by convincing ourselves that it will never happen again. Hence, we say, we slip into Mardi Gras thinking (note: Mardi Gras, as the last "binge" before the fasting of Lent) and loosen all inhibitations--also ignoring cues from both our cravings and our bodies.

I think it's the finality of the binge that we need to deal with. When we think "overeat"...it seems more acceptable to believe that we could overact again (hopefully, not too soon, and not too often)...but it's ok--we don't need to eat everything and pretend that it's the last thing we'll ever "binge" on.

I'm really glad to see you making that distinction.

*****
Jealousy. Dear God...don't get me started. I think I never forgave myself for failing, once...for being rejected from almost every school. I think I'm still living in the shadow of that failure...

We both need to move on. But it takes time...

[tulip_fever]

Glad you're confirming what I said. Always helps to have someone back me up.

I did go ahead and work out today, and I felt great. So maybe I was just having some morning fatigue. And I really did want to go for a walk--I haven't been outside in far too long. I need to enjoy the beautiful West Coast weather before I hit the incredibly scary (for a Northwesterner!) weather of the East. The cold! The humidity! Freaks me out just thinking about it.

It's hard to forgive yourself for failing. But, hey, my brother was rejected at EVERY SINGLE college he applied. He got into a local private university because of his incredible test scores and a counselor's call after all the acceptance/rejection letters had been mailed out and he was scrambling. And my brother is one of the most brilliant people I know. And just like you, he transferred to a prestigious university.

Maybe you should try out the more new age philosophy. It might be healing for you. My mom is into it, and in one book (no clue which one) it talks about how we all have life lessons to learn and that all the challenges we face (i.e. rejection from colleges) are designed to teach us our life lessons. And, in the end, we end up exactly where we're supposed to be.