(no subject)
Fall camp is officially over and I am done with school for two months. My final group presentation went horribly, but I’m not going to beat myself up about it, because there is only so much weight you can pull for other group members (Josh Kelly). Professors tore us apart, and it was the worst presentation I’ve ever given in such a public setting. The best part is that Troy saw it all.
I was pretty nervous about all of the final projects that were due today, and I expressed this to Troy, who come to find out, is really bad at supporting his girlfriend under stressful circumstances. Perhaps I shouldn’t depend on him to make me feel better, because he sucks at it. I’ll just have to draw smile faces on everything that I own to remind me to smile. This technique really works for me!
But! I got better grades than I thought I was going to. That’s a plus. I also got the lady gaga CD. That may or may not be a plus. The writing portion of the final project had one of the highest grades in the class, and the sections that I wrote (the ones that Josh was supposed to help me with) got the 3 highest scores. Kudos to some of my other group members who really pulled through, though!!
So… what I’m trying to say is this: I got the grades that I wanted this semester at the expense of hating everyone around me for being inconsiderate and stupid fucks.
Now, I realize that sounds really concieded, but I don’t give a shit. I miss my friends. My friends aren’t dumb fucks and are actually interesting people to talk to. I’m never happy, and I’m still a bitter person. I don’t know how to think nice things anymore or even to keep my mean thoughts to myself. At least I’m able to stand up for myself these days. Unless you count Troy. I still can’t stand up to him. He gets so defensive and he gets hurt so easily. It’s difficult to be happy in this relationship, because he never talks to me or even smiles for that matter. It really upsets me because without him, I feel like I don’t have anyone. I still love the man like crazy; we’ve just hit some sort of brick wall lately.
I don’t know what I want. I don’t know how to find it.
I was pretty nervous about all of the final projects that were due today, and I expressed this to Troy, who come to find out, is really bad at supporting his girlfriend under stressful circumstances. Perhaps I shouldn’t depend on him to make me feel better, because he sucks at it. I’ll just have to draw smile faces on everything that I own to remind me to smile. This technique really works for me!
But! I got better grades than I thought I was going to. That’s a plus. I also got the lady gaga CD. That may or may not be a plus. The writing portion of the final project had one of the highest grades in the class, and the sections that I wrote (the ones that Josh was supposed to help me with) got the 3 highest scores. Kudos to some of my other group members who really pulled through, though!!
So… what I’m trying to say is this: I got the grades that I wanted this semester at the expense of hating everyone around me for being inconsiderate and stupid fucks.
Now, I realize that sounds really concieded, but I don’t give a shit. I miss my friends. My friends aren’t dumb fucks and are actually interesting people to talk to. I’m never happy, and I’m still a bitter person. I don’t know how to think nice things anymore or even to keep my mean thoughts to myself. At least I’m able to stand up for myself these days. Unless you count Troy. I still can’t stand up to him. He gets so defensive and he gets hurt so easily. It’s difficult to be happy in this relationship, because he never talks to me or even smiles for that matter. It really upsets me because without him, I feel like I don’t have anyone. I still love the man like crazy; we’ve just hit some sort of brick wall lately.
I don’t know what I want. I don’t know how to find it.