How I feel right now, stuck at home first semester, attending a local college (with no campus life)
Why do I still feel like I'm waiting for my life to start? I hate it, while I wait in limbo and I watch my friends' lives fly by, as they make plans, make friends, and learn new things. I'm stuck in the same place, not able to move backwards and not able to move forwards. I cannot even concentrate on what is important. I am only stuck on what I cannot do, on where I should be, on what I should be doing, on how my life should be. I'm so jealous of everyone that gets to have a normal college experience, and that will one day be able to look back at their freshman experience with fondness. I will look at my freshman experience and see my feelings of exasperation, of desire, of need, and of failure. While everyone is making memories I am still stuck in the mud, waiting for the water to dry so I can move my feet. While everyone else forges ahead with their lives I am still in the same wonderment I was when I first started my college search. While everyone else knows their "second homes" like the backs of their hands, I can barely picture my dorm building. When they read about their colleges, they know exactly what is going on. When I read about mine, I still know nothing. I don't know the inside jokes, I don't know the special places, I don't know the people. It's no excuse, but I can't concentrate here. I can see what everyone is thinking when I tell them I'm only taking one class now. They are thinking, "What are you doing with your life?" and "Who are you?" and "You need to step it up." And I understand that I need to, but I can't. In general, I am happy, but honestly, I'm so depressed. And I can't help but feel depressed because I can't help but think I'm not supposed to be here. And I can't help but feel depressed while I watch everyone's lives fly by and mutate into new things while I'm being sucked to the same place by this hurricane I can't escape.
Can anyone relate? I'm seeing no, because I bet all of you are actually living in dorms at colleges, and although you'd love to go to Tulane right now, at least your first semester of freshman year you have the college experience. But if you CAN relate, I'd love to talk to you. I feel like I'm the only one in the world going through this right now.
Can anyone relate? I'm seeing no, because I bet all of you are actually living in dorms at colleges, and although you'd love to go to Tulane right now, at least your first semester of freshman year you have the college experience. But if you CAN relate, I'd love to talk to you. I feel like I'm the only one in the world going through this right now.