Yes I know this is cheating....
As I was sitting here complaining about my complete lack of inspiration I was given the "helpful" suggestion of: "Write Beatrix Potter as Cyberpunk."
Its entirely stupid, but I'm that short on ideas:
The sky above the field was the color of pondwater, stilled by an absent wind.
"It's not like we're stealing." Peter heard something say as he nudged his way between the pilings across the door of the patch. "It's like the plot has developed this excessive food sufficiency". It was a garden voice and a garden joke. The Carrot Patch was a crash pad for gaijin animals; you could eat here for a week and not spy a single fox.
Peter found a spot in the row, between the unlikely tangerine of one of macgregor's carrots and the crisp clear lettering of an afghan seed packet whose length was spiked through to mark the precise row.
'your father was in here once, with two farmers" the carrot said, wafting a smell across his whiskers from his paws. 'Maybe you would also like to be pie, Peter?"
Peter twitched. The carrot to his right waved to him.....
Yes, I did just steal the opening of Neuromancer and change words randomly, but the talking carrot amused me a little so I'm declaring it a success. I'm sure I won't feel that way in the morning, but for now it's fine.
In conclusion: I have written No Az. I have written no Pink Tank. I have written no Asylum. I have written no vaguely ill defined superhero comic. I have written no vaguelier defined spaceopera/apocalyptic zombie story/war epic/whatever else is on the really old book of ideas. I have written no angsty emo poetry, nor incestuous, disgusting, beastial emo comic that will make you fret for the future of emo culture. You will not be seeing the lines "I am going to skullfuck that girl in the second row while screaming 'we're all going to die!'" nor "Testicles are the most important meal of the day!" in some grand work of fiction written by me tonight. (Note: both those lines were overheard on a plane, not written by me tonight.)
I have stolen the work of a really good author and bastardized it into a poor parody of something else though. So that makes the night kind of productive....right?
Its entirely stupid, but I'm that short on ideas:
The sky above the field was the color of pondwater, stilled by an absent wind.
"It's not like we're stealing." Peter heard something say as he nudged his way between the pilings across the door of the patch. "It's like the plot has developed this excessive food sufficiency". It was a garden voice and a garden joke. The Carrot Patch was a crash pad for gaijin animals; you could eat here for a week and not spy a single fox.
Peter found a spot in the row, between the unlikely tangerine of one of macgregor's carrots and the crisp clear lettering of an afghan seed packet whose length was spiked through to mark the precise row.
'your father was in here once, with two farmers" the carrot said, wafting a smell across his whiskers from his paws. 'Maybe you would also like to be pie, Peter?"
Peter twitched. The carrot to his right waved to him.....
Yes, I did just steal the opening of Neuromancer and change words randomly, but the talking carrot amused me a little so I'm declaring it a success. I'm sure I won't feel that way in the morning, but for now it's fine.
In conclusion: I have written No Az. I have written no Pink Tank. I have written no Asylum. I have written no vaguely ill defined superhero comic. I have written no vaguelier defined spaceopera/apocalyptic zombie story/war epic/whatever else is on the really old book of ideas. I have written no angsty emo poetry, nor incestuous, disgusting, beastial emo comic that will make you fret for the future of emo culture. You will not be seeing the lines "I am going to skullfuck that girl in the second row while screaming 'we're all going to die!'" nor "Testicles are the most important meal of the day!" in some grand work of fiction written by me tonight. (Note: both those lines were overheard on a plane, not written by me tonight.)
I have stolen the work of a really good author and bastardized it into a poor parody of something else though. So that makes the night kind of productive....right?