(no subject)

[tuffbrunette07]

Wow! Its been awhile since I last updated in here. I have to vent really bad, and the only other way to do it is writing it down since I hardly have anyone to talk to anymore. I have been depressed, upset,lost,confused,a wreck, and anything else you could possilby think of. I thought my life was the best it could of ever been. I had a best friend that was always there for me, cared about me, knew everything about me, and I knew everything about them. Things were great. I couldn't of wish for anything else. We had the kind of friendship NOONE else could EVER have or replace. Just something about us being together always laughing and having the best time was just a feeling like no other and something I couldn't put in words. Then one day, something awful happened out of nowhere. We started to fight about something,and then the next thing I knew they weren't talking to me anymore, and didn't want to see me or hang out with me. I felt as if I did something wrong and it was all my fault, and that I was no longer apart of their life. Then he started to hang out with my friends and other people all the time. Theres nothing wrong with that, but he got to the point where he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. Never calling me anymore, talking to me, always out every night with other people having more fun with them, while I sat at home. Kinda like I was being replaced that the time. I felt lonely, had noone to talk to, almost to the point where I felt like a complete nobody anymore. Noone ever calls me to hang out, or to do something, or just to talk. Its like I have no friends anymore. People are only human and do some stupid things, but that doesn't give other people to treat them like crap. I know I have done some stupid and childish things and I know what I've done wrong, and I'm not saying I'm perfect, and I also know that I have worked on it and have changed all that, But the thing is, noone will give me the time of day anymore to notice it. The only people I really have right now are my family "trying" to help me and make me feel better. But it's not working. Part of me is telling myself that its all their loss that their losing me as a friend, not mine. Then the other part is saying, everything will be ok with everyone just give it time. I don't know what to do. Then people have a really good way of making me feel bad, and hurting me when I did nothing to them. Honestly yes I know I do get jealous for the stupidest stuff, but I mean is there anything wrong with caring about people so much? I don't think so. I would say you have a great friend in your life if you have that, cause you know they always have your back, and will always be there no matter what. I'm not trying to sound selfish but yes I do believe I am a great friend. One who is caring, loving, trustworthy, loyal, and one who would give their life for a friend or loved one.I know I might be exaggerating about the whole giving your life, but still you get the picture. Now can you sit there and tell me you don't want that in your life? I don't think so. People that tell me they are lost without me, but have moved on - I don't know its all confusing to me, cause if you were really lost without me, then you would make an effort to be with me wouldn't you?, am I wrong or right?! Then everyone telling me that I have to change and do all this. Well ok first of all I don't see why it's just myself that has to change. Not everyone is perfect,we are human and make mistakes all the time. There is NO reason to put all the guilt or blame on just one person. Its more then just one person causing all the drama and arguments then just one. I have had a LONGG time to think about everything thats been going on, and to be honest I do think I have changed a little ( not saying I am completely changed but I am still working on it ), but then again noone will give me the time of day anymore to notice that I have, and honestly that is not my problem anymore.If you can't like/love me for me, or like me for who I am, then your not a true friend. In the longg run it will only affect/hurt you, not me. You really can't see what your missing out until its gone, and I hate to sound bitchy right now, but its true. One day everyone will realize it, and It might be too late. I just wish things were back to normal where everyone was everyone elses friend. Cause what I think everyone else is doing is childish. Some people just need to grow up and think what they want out of life.

Thats all for now...

< 33 MuCh LoVe
ManZ