(no subject)
I had the weirdest dream two nights ago. It will almost be a year from now since my grandma has died. I often think about her and many of my prayers go to her instead of God. She was this 5' little thing filled with so much faith. She was your typical hispanic grandma praying for your soul always and praying for every tiny thing. You need a husband, she would turn her prayers straight to Saint Anthony, and she would pray ferventley to him to send you someone to love. She was a good woman and now I ask her to give me just 10% of her strength and compassion. Well I always thought I had dealt with the death well. When she passed away I only cried for about ten minutes, but I always knew she was going to a better place and that she wouldn't be suffering anymore.
She was born to be in heaven. Everyone in my family had dreams about her or little things that happaned that they knew she was really still with us, guarding us. When she died it was right before my encounter retreat and so naturally I was praying a lot. I thought maybe she would send me a sign, but she never did. Soon after Encounter ended and Magis was done with, my praying went nay nay.... Yes often I pray, but they are quick and I don't think they are even close to meaningful. I know prayers dont have to be an extravagent deal, but I know my praying is just pathetic. The past months I have been telling myself over and over, Kathleen you gotta start praying again, just start talking to Abuelita.
But I never really tried. Until two nights ago... I had my frist dream of my Grandmajer. I knew it was really her though, I could feel her through out my whole body, and it is so vivid, I felt like I was awake. It started out with my grandpa, my dad, and I just sitting there talking. Then my majer brought her over to us. We knew she was dead, and so all of us were so astonished and happy to see her, especially my abuelito. His eyes lit up and all the wrinkels he gained in the last year dissapeared. He seemed refreshed and young again. My grandma she was a young beauty, probabley in her fifties, skin smooth, hair impecabley stylish like she always had it.
She grabbed my grandpas hand and ran away over this hill. My dad tried to catch them, but he couldn't so he stol someone's bike, and soon he was over the edge of the hill too. I was left there with my mom, confused. And then I cried, i began weeping so hard. It was one of those weeps where you are trying to catch your breath every second and you make those noises like a pregneat orca. I woke up crying and wiping my tears and unsure of how I felt. I mean it was a feeling I had never felt. I still can't explain it.
It was the first time I have grieved since her death, because I cried about it for awhile. I still feel a little lost about the whole situation. I know I need to just let go of her, and I did, but now I think I am trying to grab her wings and hold her down. This is a time where I need a lot of prayer and faith in my life right now, and so I think the dream came at the perfect time. Thanks abuelita....
She was born to be in heaven. Everyone in my family had dreams about her or little things that happaned that they knew she was really still with us, guarding us. When she died it was right before my encounter retreat and so naturally I was praying a lot. I thought maybe she would send me a sign, but she never did. Soon after Encounter ended and Magis was done with, my praying went nay nay.... Yes often I pray, but they are quick and I don't think they are even close to meaningful. I know prayers dont have to be an extravagent deal, but I know my praying is just pathetic. The past months I have been telling myself over and over, Kathleen you gotta start praying again, just start talking to Abuelita.
But I never really tried. Until two nights ago... I had my frist dream of my Grandmajer. I knew it was really her though, I could feel her through out my whole body, and it is so vivid, I felt like I was awake. It started out with my grandpa, my dad, and I just sitting there talking. Then my majer brought her over to us. We knew she was dead, and so all of us were so astonished and happy to see her, especially my abuelito. His eyes lit up and all the wrinkels he gained in the last year dissapeared. He seemed refreshed and young again. My grandma she was a young beauty, probabley in her fifties, skin smooth, hair impecabley stylish like she always had it.
She grabbed my grandpas hand and ran away over this hill. My dad tried to catch them, but he couldn't so he stol someone's bike, and soon he was over the edge of the hill too. I was left there with my mom, confused. And then I cried, i began weeping so hard. It was one of those weeps where you are trying to catch your breath every second and you make those noises like a pregneat orca. I woke up crying and wiping my tears and unsure of how I felt. I mean it was a feeling I had never felt. I still can't explain it.
It was the first time I have grieved since her death, because I cried about it for awhile. I still feel a little lost about the whole situation. I know I need to just let go of her, and I did, but now I think I am trying to grab her wings and hold her down. This is a time where I need a lot of prayer and faith in my life right now, and so I think the dream came at the perfect time. Thanks abuelita....