On Vox: Sarah Palin's Tree House
"It reminds me of my renegade days in Alaska."
I was Sarah Palin's Intern last night. Here's the Nightmare, she was the VP of the USA. Her office was in New York, in a tree house over looking Central Park.
It started with me coming to her office on my very first day. she was looking very stereotypical Palin. I was wearing my gray dress, gladiator sandles. I figured this would be okay because well this was what I looked like when she hired me. She took one look at me and said "IF you want ot keep this job, you better dress like me." And I starred blankly at her.
"It's all about Unity." Or conformity, whatever. There were catches. One: She only talked about Alaska, and how much she likes it there. Two: I had to go through central park to get acorns so she could have an acorn pie. Three: I couldn't use the stairs or elevators like a normal person. No, I was assigned the rope swing, where I had to rope swing off her tree house every day. The reaon for this, "You have great potential, I want you to be just lik eme. It'll bring character." That was her favorite line throughout the dream.
My parents were friends with her and McCain, which is horrifying. So, McCain came over to the Tree House wearing a hawiian shirt and bermuda shorts. Palin was pissed. "You don't show up like that." McCain complied, changed and came back looking very typical McCain. The feeling in the air was tension filled. I could tell Palin was running the show and McCain was enjoying the awesome kick backs, obvlious to her anger (Over what? I Think it was the shirt!)
The "Things" i learned about Palin in this dream: 1: She would constantly talk to me in secret about things, like I was her confidant. She said that she wanted there to be Caribou in Central Park because she mised hunting. She asked if I could dress up in a Caribou outfit and she'd Paint Ball me. I refused. Instead, I was able to coherese homeless people into wearing ridiculous Caribou outfits. She shot away at the homeless. I'm pretty sure those red paint balls, where real bullets.
She wore ridiculously big heels. They made her an extra four inches. She was taller then me in the dream when they were on, but shorter, significantly, when off.
Her husband was chained up in the closet. She unchained him when she "needed" him, if you know what I mean. & at the very end, we ate her baby, Trig. Unfortuently named after the math he'll never do. Sigh...
Originally posted on victoriahford.vox.com