(no subject)
I can't keep doing this. My Husband is sucking the life out of me. Last night I heard banging around so I went into the Kitchen where I found him passed out on the floor. The silverware drawer was pulled out of the cabinet and there was shit everywhere. For those of you who don't know my husband is severely disabled, you wouldn't know it to look at him, but he has no sternum and you can see his heart among hundreds of other issues. I was worried so I tried to get him up and he started screaming at me telling me to leave him alone...he was drunk .....so I left him alone. An hour later I went into the kitchen to investigate the newest banging noises. He was on the floor not breathing the table and chairs were flipped over onto him the fridge was opened and I was really scared. Because of his physical stuff, it's not like I can call 911, they would kill him just trying to help, so I did what I could got him breathing cleaned him up took him to the bathroom hosed him down and put him in bed. I thought that would be the end, but it all went downhill from there. He really hurt me, physically and mentally, I know he didn't mean it, and I'm not saying he beat me or anything. I just can't take this. after a night of insanity I got dressed and headed to work at 3:30 am, a little early but it's better then being home. When I left he was screaming at me saying a was a bitch and a liar then threw up all over himself. but whatever I pulled myself together and got myself here. Besides work I am teaching today and I can't let the stress get to me. I thought I was okay until I got here and checked my e mail.
Dear aAlicia.,., I looove youuu sssssoooooo nucccch biut i w aczz wonderinvg how mucdjh you locve me..be cauce u think yojur full of shit.you love mr e this muvch _ aand thait ahnit shit.biuit i donnnty care becaucccse i lovhne you more than anytjhing on yt6ghe worl;d wht domuyuhn t yoooou loon ve methisnt fairrrrrtwhat difffd i do whuy idonnnnnnnnnnnnnt you lov ew emmmmmmmme annnnnnnnnnnnnny mmmmmooooooooooooooooooooooerrrrrreim sooooorryyyyyyyyyy wwwwwwwwwwwwhatevvvvvrt i diird..plessssssse loiuveeee me agn,,inedd yuevvvvvennnnnnnnnnnthough you dnont lov me i looive yu anyu wey
io m so sorry.plaedsssssswerdc lo v e me.why dolnt you love me annny mooorrrrrrrrwefu ck you bittttth thias isnyut faiiirf i giv aaaaaaand giv e and whaaayt dddddo i get nothikn bg.ho faaaaaaaar is thayt mo faes atv al i snt t.urty i lp ve ypoiuh anbyewaaywhy does it gooooootaaaaasdbv be linke this hhgfucjer uil ,ove yhou .lover tou il ove3 6ldu ilkopvr tyou i9love youui love youilo ve youyt i lovre yoiu i lobve youi plrese loiuve me plreeaaaaaasew.inerd youjni need yuop
What the hell is that. He doesn't normally drink so on the rare occasion he does and crosses the line I let it go, but I'm beat I can't take his problems. I do everything and I can't anymore. I need a break. The worst part is I don't even have anyone to talk to about it. My best friend is gone and the next best thing has problems of her own. I don't know I guess I just needed to ventNow that it's out of the way I need to take a deep breath go smoke pull myself together because it's gonna be a long ass day. I just have to try to keep my mind off the fact that I'm going to lose another person that I love sooner then I should, and it's his own fault.
Sorry I know I havn't posted in a while and this is really shitty, I'll give a real update when I get myself together.
Dear aAlicia.,., I looove youuu sssssoooooo nucccch biut i w aczz wonderinvg how mucdjh you locve me..be cauce u think yojur full of shit.you love mr e this muvch _ aand thait ahnit shit.biuit i donnnty care becaucccse i lovhne you more than anytjhing on yt6ghe worl;d wht domuyuhn t yoooou loon ve methisnt fairrrrrtwhat difffd i do whuy idonnnnnnnnnnnnnt you lov ew emmmmmmmme annnnnnnnnnnnnny mmmmmooooooooooooooooooooooerrrrrreim sooooorryyyyyyyyyy wwwwwwwwwwwwhatevvvvvrt i diird..plessssssse loiuveeee me agn,,inedd yuevvvvvennnnnnnnnnnthough you dnont lov me i looive yu anyu wey
io m so sorry.plaedsssssswerdc lo v e me.why dolnt you love me annny mooorrrrrrrrwefu ck you bittttth thias isnyut faiiirf i giv aaaaaaand giv e and whaaayt dddddo i get nothikn bg.ho faaaaaaaar is thayt mo faes atv al i snt t.urty i lp ve ypoiuh anbyewaaywhy does it gooooootaaaaasdbv be linke this hhgfucjer uil ,ove yhou .lover tou il ove3 6ldu ilkopvr tyou i9love youui love youilo ve youyt i lovre yoiu i lobve youi plrese loiuve me plreeaaaaaasew.inerd youjni need yuop
What the hell is that. He doesn't normally drink so on the rare occasion he does and crosses the line I let it go, but I'm beat I can't take his problems. I do everything and I can't anymore. I need a break. The worst part is I don't even have anyone to talk to about it. My best friend is gone and the next best thing has problems of her own. I don't know I guess I just needed to ventNow that it's out of the way I need to take a deep breath go smoke pull myself together because it's gonna be a long ass day. I just have to try to keep my mind off the fact that I'm going to lose another person that I love sooner then I should, and it's his own fault.
Sorry I know I havn't posted in a while and this is really shitty, I'll give a real update when I get myself together.