sick rant 1
I think I'm about ready to do the curl up and die thing, I'm really not feeling like being here and everytime I try to let anything out I realize that I'm just being fucking assholish wich makes me even angrier and here I am stuck in this stupid cycle of frustration. I want to kill someone, but I want to curl up in a little ball and have someone I love rub my back like I was just a helpless little animal or something. I slept like 14 or 15 hours yesterday and I still feel tired as hell, and this fucking sinus infection is driving me nuts. And work is driving me nuts and trying to find music that I want to listen to is driving me nuts. I have like 46 hours of music at my fingertips and none of it really appeals to me. I would love to smoke a joint and fall asleep in megan's arms, which I know just isn't going to happen and that sucks. And now robert is in here and I just want to get up, walk quietly to the printer and pick up and razor blade, then in one motion spin around slitting his throat on the way by, then I want to put down the blade and just walk away, get into the car and drive as fast as I can until the cops run me off the road and hopefully I will have been going fast enough for that to kill me, but if not I could just pretend to have a gun in my hand and hopefully they'd just shoot me. Although I guess Jail wouldn't be all bad. Always know what I'm gonna wear, get three hot, nutritionally balanced meals a day, books, bed, gym, whats not to love, I couldn't have sex, but hell I'm not getting any of that any fucking way, I think I'd deal.