Lonely . . . I'm Mr. Lonely . . .
Wow.
The last two days have been completely overwhelming for me. For those of you who are not aware, I arrived safely in New Haven, CT (after a 9-hour drive), and have been meeting people and attendinng Teach for America sessions ever since. Except for maybe the day my parents left me at Tulane, they have been the hardest days of my life. I have been experiencing these incredible ups and downs; in the morning, I feel like I am so glad I decided to do this, and I feel like I can totally get in line with TfA's mission. I can't wait to get into my classroom and help kids, and just totally change their lives. I know that's a little idealistic, but hey, that's what our goal is going into this program. Then something little will happen, or something will suddenly change, and I start asking myself "How bad would it be to just leave and go home?" I am always on the verge of crying--I am so incredibly far out of my comfort zone that I just want to go running to my mom and dad. I have never been to New Haven; I have never lived in the North; I know absolutely no one here. I don't feel a connection to any of the people here--sure, all of them are really nice, but I don't feel like any of them are like me. I feel quiet and shy and awkward around most of them.
I almost wish that I was one of those people who hated my parents, and couldn't wait to get away from them. I feel like a little kid or something when it's time for me to leave them; I want to scream and cry my eyes out. I did cry when I left my mom two days ago; we both cried. I almost miss my friends; I miss my home; I miss New Orleans. There's a guy here who taught the last two years in Opelousas, and I totally bonded with him over how back-ass-ward Louisiana is. I ever told him the prisoner hitchhiker story and he was like "No shit. You're making that up!" Psht. I wish. That was freaking scary!
I've been thinking about how much easier it would have been just to take a year off, move to Raleigh by myself and get a job, study my ass off for and take the LSATs, and apply to law school next year. But then I think "If I could only get through these two years, this will open the door to so many opportunities." I don't know what to do. I'm miserable. I'm lost. I'm lonely.
*Sigh* I don't know what to do.
The last two days have been completely overwhelming for me. For those of you who are not aware, I arrived safely in New Haven, CT (after a 9-hour drive), and have been meeting people and attendinng Teach for America sessions ever since. Except for maybe the day my parents left me at Tulane, they have been the hardest days of my life. I have been experiencing these incredible ups and downs; in the morning, I feel like I am so glad I decided to do this, and I feel like I can totally get in line with TfA's mission. I can't wait to get into my classroom and help kids, and just totally change their lives. I know that's a little idealistic, but hey, that's what our goal is going into this program. Then something little will happen, or something will suddenly change, and I start asking myself "How bad would it be to just leave and go home?" I am always on the verge of crying--I am so incredibly far out of my comfort zone that I just want to go running to my mom and dad. I have never been to New Haven; I have never lived in the North; I know absolutely no one here. I don't feel a connection to any of the people here--sure, all of them are really nice, but I don't feel like any of them are like me. I feel quiet and shy and awkward around most of them.
I almost wish that I was one of those people who hated my parents, and couldn't wait to get away from them. I feel like a little kid or something when it's time for me to leave them; I want to scream and cry my eyes out. I did cry when I left my mom two days ago; we both cried. I almost miss my friends; I miss my home; I miss New Orleans. There's a guy here who taught the last two years in Opelousas, and I totally bonded with him over how back-ass-ward Louisiana is. I ever told him the prisoner hitchhiker story and he was like "No shit. You're making that up!" Psht. I wish. That was freaking scary!
I've been thinking about how much easier it would have been just to take a year off, move to Raleigh by myself and get a job, study my ass off for and take the LSATs, and apply to law school next year. But then I think "If I could only get through these two years, this will open the door to so many opportunities." I don't know what to do. I'm miserable. I'm lost. I'm lonely.
*Sigh* I don't know what to do.