FANFIC: Be a man; dress like a woman.
Title: Be a man; dress like a woman.
Characters: Tim, Cissie, Kon, Bart, Cassie.
Rating: G
Word Count: 1682
Disclaimer: As you may have already guessed, I am not DC Comics incorporated.
Notes: Written for shannanagin for crossdressing month. She didn’t ask for Kon-el fanfics specifically, but I wanted to kill two birds with one stone here. So enjoy.
“Explain it again,” said Superboy.
“How many times I have to explain it, Kon? We need you to do this,” answered Robin.
“Well, I think you should explain it as many times as it takes to convinces me to do what you want me to do,” said Kon with uncharacteristically calmness. “Because, and I believe we can all agree with this, you haven’t convinced me yet.”
Cissie grabbed Superboy by the shoulders and tried to shake him, unsuccessfully, as she pleaded with him. “But you have to do this! You have to do this for truth, for justice! Only you can save the world.”
Kon said, “That’s all very nice, Cissie, but I’m still not convinced it should be done the way Robin suggests.”
“Kon, there is very little time to waste,” said Robin. “International weapon smugglers have arrived here in Happy Harbour to sell their stock. My sources tell me they have alien weapons, probably from Apokolips! We can’t let Intergang get their hands on that stuff.”
“Yes, yes, that’s very noble of you,” said Kon with the same composure of a sedated Buddha he had shown during the entire conversation. “But what I still can’t understand is why the hell I have to go dressed like a woman?”
Cissie jumped back a little when Kon yelled at her and Robin, but Robin kept his cool.
“Because we need someone to go in there and find out where they have hidden the weapons,” replied Robin. “A bimbo is perfect, because they can walk all over the place and nobody cares what they hear.”
“And that explains why you have to put on a dress,” finished Cissie.
“No, it doesn’t! Not at all!” Superboy stood up and waved his arms around in exasperation. “Why can’t one of the girls go? Robin, I know you have been trained by the world’s greatest detective, but if you haven’t noticed, I am not a girl. I would invite you to see that for yourself, but people are already spreading rumors about you and me too much as it is.”
Cissie gasped. “You would send one of us into the midst of those criminal perverts? So they can touch us and force us to do things? You would do that, Superboy?” Cissie tried her best puppy eyes with Kon-El.
Superboy scratched his head as he avoided eye contact with Cissie and chose his next words carefully. “Well, no, I wouldn’t. But I don’t want to get touched by them either! And if they start touching me in the bikini area, they are going to notice I am not a girl, and we are all going to feel very awkward about it; both the criminals and me.”
“None of the girls can do it,” said Robin. “They don’t match the qualifications.”
“Now wait a minute, Robin. What do you mean the girls can’t do it? I am no expert, and I have been fooled before, but I don’t think any of them have any surprises in their bikini areas like I do.”
“I have nothing unexpected in my bikini area,” yelled Cissie. “I can’t show you, but the only stuff in my panties is what you usually imagine.”
Kon sit down, rested his chin on his closed hand and made a “mmmm” sound.
“I hope you are not imagining it now,” said Cissie.
“Oh, what?” asked Kon. “Oh, no, no, no, no… certainly not. But changing the subject very quickly… Robin, why can’t Cissie or Cassie do it?”
“Because the Intergang capo we are targeting, Don Lupo ‘Three Fingers’ Malone, has special tastes; he likes strong women”
“Strong women like… like… darn, if I actually knew the name of an intellectual feminist I could have made a good joke. Darn my chauvinism!”
“No, not strong like that; strong like weightlifters and female wrestlers.”
“Oh crap, that’s what I was afraid of.” Kon buried his face in his hands.
“Cassie and I are too skinny to look like that, but you already have a bulky body,” said Cissie apologetically. “And your big pectorals can almost look like breasts.”
Kon gave Cissie a look that made her thank God looks couldn’t really kill.
“Okay, I got one last question.” Kon cleared his throat as if his next speech was going to be as important as the president’s addressing the nation. “Why can’t Robin do it? He is pretty buff too!”
Robin lifted the bottom of his pants and showed Kon a bit of his legs. “This is why I can’t do it,” he said.
“Wow,” said Kon. “Are you a werewolf? I haven’t seen that much hair in toupee stores!”
Cissie got very close to Robin’s exposed leg, transfixed by its hypnotic blur of fuzzy hair. She reached with her hand and pulled out a single hair.
“Ouch!” screamed Robin. “Why did you do that? Are you crazy?”
“Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. It was very tempting to pull them all out.”
Robin quickly covered his leg again. “And that’s why I can’t do it, and a depilation would take too long; we have to leave soon if we want to catch them.”
Kon lifted his fist in rage. “I curse my hairless gene! Why can’t I have hair on my beautiful hairless like a Chihuahua body?”
“Maybe you have Lex Luthor’s genes somewhere in you,” said Cissie while laughing.
“Don’t even joke about that!” Superboy massaged the temples of his head. “Okay, I’ll do it, I’ll crossdress for justice.”
Cissie jumped up in joy. “YAY!”
Robin picked up a box from the floor and handed it to Superboy. “Good, put on this dress and then Cissie will help you with the makeup.”
Kon opened the box and inside he found a red dress that wouldn’t seem out of place on the body of a female fatale. “The things I do for justice.”
Kon put the dress on and then put on some high heeled shoes that would give vertigo even to Giganta. He knocked on the door to let Robin and Cissie know he was ready for them. As they entered the room Robin didn’t burst into laughs as he had expected. Cissie only giggled a little. “Fine, let’s get this over with,” he said.
“You know, Robin,” Kon continued. “I thought you were going to laugh your ass off after seeing me in a dress.”
“Kon, this is serious. Besides, I never laugh.”
Cissie was holding a make up kit box. She pushed Kon until he sat down and started to pull out from the box all different kinds of colorful powders and tools that Kon couldn’t name. “Just sit right there and let me make you pretty,” she said.
Cissie started applying some foundation on Kon’s face, expertly changing the shade on different parts of the face. She used a pencil to line the shape of Kon’s mouth before applying lipstick on it. Kon sat as patiently as he could during the process.
“Cissie, remember Kon is going to play a bimbo,” interrupted Robin. “Make him look more skanky.”
“Oh don’t worry, Robin, I can make him look like a ho.”
“You don’t fool me, Robin, I know you are enjoying this,” said Kon.
“I told you already, this is our job, and it is not funnier for me than it is for you.”
Cissie carefully applied the mascara, the eyeliner, the eyeshadow and some blush for good measure, carefully putting more than necessary to complete the disguise of a fluzzy.
Robin examined his face. “Good, now he just needs the final touches”
Cissie brought a wig from her room, it had black long hair that reached to Kon’s shoulders. Cissie brushed it on top of Kon until it looked as natural as his own hair. From her pockets she grabbed a pair of earrings that didn’t need pierced ears to be worn and put them on Kon. A small handkerchief tied around Kon’s neck hid the Adam’s apple. “Voila!” she said when she finished. The disguise was complete.
Kon stood up and clumsily walked with untrained high heels to look at himself in the mirror. He had to admit he didn’t look bad. “I am so hot I even make one hot, but muscular lady.” He even tried different sexy poses in front of the mirror to see if he could make them work.
“Cissie did a great job,” Robin said. “If I didn’t know better even I would be fooled.”
“Let’s not even go there, alright?” said Kon.
“I think he is ready,” said Cissie. “Don’t you agree, Robin?”
“Yes, I agree. He is ready for Bart.”
“Ready for Bart? What the heck are you two talking about?” asked Kon.
His question went unanswered. Right that nanosecond Impulse vibrated through the wall carrying a camera. The flash illuminated the room and the click, click, click sound of the camera filled Kon’s ears with their ominous presence.
Robin yelled, “Quickly, separate, he can’t chase us all!”
“Wait!” yelled Kon. “What’s the meaning of all this!”
“This is what you get for eating all the pizza yesterday,” said Cissie before she ran out of the room followed by Bart.
Kon tried to run after Robin, but he tripped on his own high heels and fell flat on the floor. Robin dropped a smoke-bomb and disappeared right in front of Kon’s eyes.
Kon floated above the floor, seeing that walking was too complicated at the moment and left his room and looked around the Young Justice HQ for his teammates. “Robin? Cissie? Bart? Secret? Anyone? Come on, guys, we can talk this over. Just give me those pictures and won’t murder you with TTK. How about that?”
Kon heard footsteps approaching from behind. A quick turn around put him face to face with Cassie.
“So, huh, is this a new facet of you I was not aware of?” she asked.
“Only for today.”
“Oh,” she said. “What the hell happened.”
“I ate too much pizza.”
“Oh,” she said again. “Well, you kinda look pretty, though.”
“Thanks, Cassie.”
THE END.
Characters: Tim, Cissie, Kon, Bart, Cassie.
Rating: G
Word Count: 1682
Disclaimer: As you may have already guessed, I am not DC Comics incorporated.
Notes: Written for shannanagin for crossdressing month. She didn’t ask for Kon-el fanfics specifically, but I wanted to kill two birds with one stone here. So enjoy.
“Explain it again,” said Superboy.
“How many times I have to explain it, Kon? We need you to do this,” answered Robin.
“Well, I think you should explain it as many times as it takes to convinces me to do what you want me to do,” said Kon with uncharacteristically calmness. “Because, and I believe we can all agree with this, you haven’t convinced me yet.”
Cissie grabbed Superboy by the shoulders and tried to shake him, unsuccessfully, as she pleaded with him. “But you have to do this! You have to do this for truth, for justice! Only you can save the world.”
Kon said, “That’s all very nice, Cissie, but I’m still not convinced it should be done the way Robin suggests.”
“Kon, there is very little time to waste,” said Robin. “International weapon smugglers have arrived here in Happy Harbour to sell their stock. My sources tell me they have alien weapons, probably from Apokolips! We can’t let Intergang get their hands on that stuff.”
“Yes, yes, that’s very noble of you,” said Kon with the same composure of a sedated Buddha he had shown during the entire conversation. “But what I still can’t understand is why the hell I have to go dressed like a woman?”
Cissie jumped back a little when Kon yelled at her and Robin, but Robin kept his cool.
“Because we need someone to go in there and find out where they have hidden the weapons,” replied Robin. “A bimbo is perfect, because they can walk all over the place and nobody cares what they hear.”
“And that explains why you have to put on a dress,” finished Cissie.
“No, it doesn’t! Not at all!” Superboy stood up and waved his arms around in exasperation. “Why can’t one of the girls go? Robin, I know you have been trained by the world’s greatest detective, but if you haven’t noticed, I am not a girl. I would invite you to see that for yourself, but people are already spreading rumors about you and me too much as it is.”
Cissie gasped. “You would send one of us into the midst of those criminal perverts? So they can touch us and force us to do things? You would do that, Superboy?” Cissie tried her best puppy eyes with Kon-El.
Superboy scratched his head as he avoided eye contact with Cissie and chose his next words carefully. “Well, no, I wouldn’t. But I don’t want to get touched by them either! And if they start touching me in the bikini area, they are going to notice I am not a girl, and we are all going to feel very awkward about it; both the criminals and me.”
“None of the girls can do it,” said Robin. “They don’t match the qualifications.”
“Now wait a minute, Robin. What do you mean the girls can’t do it? I am no expert, and I have been fooled before, but I don’t think any of them have any surprises in their bikini areas like I do.”
“I have nothing unexpected in my bikini area,” yelled Cissie. “I can’t show you, but the only stuff in my panties is what you usually imagine.”
Kon sit down, rested his chin on his closed hand and made a “mmmm” sound.
“I hope you are not imagining it now,” said Cissie.
“Oh, what?” asked Kon. “Oh, no, no, no, no… certainly not. But changing the subject very quickly… Robin, why can’t Cissie or Cassie do it?”
“Because the Intergang capo we are targeting, Don Lupo ‘Three Fingers’ Malone, has special tastes; he likes strong women”
“Strong women like… like… darn, if I actually knew the name of an intellectual feminist I could have made a good joke. Darn my chauvinism!”
“No, not strong like that; strong like weightlifters and female wrestlers.”
“Oh crap, that’s what I was afraid of.” Kon buried his face in his hands.
“Cassie and I are too skinny to look like that, but you already have a bulky body,” said Cissie apologetically. “And your big pectorals can almost look like breasts.”
Kon gave Cissie a look that made her thank God looks couldn’t really kill.
“Okay, I got one last question.” Kon cleared his throat as if his next speech was going to be as important as the president’s addressing the nation. “Why can’t Robin do it? He is pretty buff too!”
Robin lifted the bottom of his pants and showed Kon a bit of his legs. “This is why I can’t do it,” he said.
“Wow,” said Kon. “Are you a werewolf? I haven’t seen that much hair in toupee stores!”
Cissie got very close to Robin’s exposed leg, transfixed by its hypnotic blur of fuzzy hair. She reached with her hand and pulled out a single hair.
“Ouch!” screamed Robin. “Why did you do that? Are you crazy?”
“Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. It was very tempting to pull them all out.”
Robin quickly covered his leg again. “And that’s why I can’t do it, and a depilation would take too long; we have to leave soon if we want to catch them.”
Kon lifted his fist in rage. “I curse my hairless gene! Why can’t I have hair on my beautiful hairless like a Chihuahua body?”
“Maybe you have Lex Luthor’s genes somewhere in you,” said Cissie while laughing.
“Don’t even joke about that!” Superboy massaged the temples of his head. “Okay, I’ll do it, I’ll crossdress for justice.”
Cissie jumped up in joy. “YAY!”
Robin picked up a box from the floor and handed it to Superboy. “Good, put on this dress and then Cissie will help you with the makeup.”
Kon opened the box and inside he found a red dress that wouldn’t seem out of place on the body of a female fatale. “The things I do for justice.”
Kon put the dress on and then put on some high heeled shoes that would give vertigo even to Giganta. He knocked on the door to let Robin and Cissie know he was ready for them. As they entered the room Robin didn’t burst into laughs as he had expected. Cissie only giggled a little. “Fine, let’s get this over with,” he said.
“You know, Robin,” Kon continued. “I thought you were going to laugh your ass off after seeing me in a dress.”
“Kon, this is serious. Besides, I never laugh.”
Cissie was holding a make up kit box. She pushed Kon until he sat down and started to pull out from the box all different kinds of colorful powders and tools that Kon couldn’t name. “Just sit right there and let me make you pretty,” she said.
Cissie started applying some foundation on Kon’s face, expertly changing the shade on different parts of the face. She used a pencil to line the shape of Kon’s mouth before applying lipstick on it. Kon sat as patiently as he could during the process.
“Cissie, remember Kon is going to play a bimbo,” interrupted Robin. “Make him look more skanky.”
“Oh don’t worry, Robin, I can make him look like a ho.”
“You don’t fool me, Robin, I know you are enjoying this,” said Kon.
“I told you already, this is our job, and it is not funnier for me than it is for you.”
Cissie carefully applied the mascara, the eyeliner, the eyeshadow and some blush for good measure, carefully putting more than necessary to complete the disguise of a fluzzy.
Robin examined his face. “Good, now he just needs the final touches”
Cissie brought a wig from her room, it had black long hair that reached to Kon’s shoulders. Cissie brushed it on top of Kon until it looked as natural as his own hair. From her pockets she grabbed a pair of earrings that didn’t need pierced ears to be worn and put them on Kon. A small handkerchief tied around Kon’s neck hid the Adam’s apple. “Voila!” she said when she finished. The disguise was complete.
Kon stood up and clumsily walked with untrained high heels to look at himself in the mirror. He had to admit he didn’t look bad. “I am so hot I even make one hot, but muscular lady.” He even tried different sexy poses in front of the mirror to see if he could make them work.
“Cissie did a great job,” Robin said. “If I didn’t know better even I would be fooled.”
“Let’s not even go there, alright?” said Kon.
“I think he is ready,” said Cissie. “Don’t you agree, Robin?”
“Yes, I agree. He is ready for Bart.”
“Ready for Bart? What the heck are you two talking about?” asked Kon.
His question went unanswered. Right that nanosecond Impulse vibrated through the wall carrying a camera. The flash illuminated the room and the click, click, click sound of the camera filled Kon’s ears with their ominous presence.
Robin yelled, “Quickly, separate, he can’t chase us all!”
“Wait!” yelled Kon. “What’s the meaning of all this!”
“This is what you get for eating all the pizza yesterday,” said Cissie before she ran out of the room followed by Bart.
Kon tried to run after Robin, but he tripped on his own high heels and fell flat on the floor. Robin dropped a smoke-bomb and disappeared right in front of Kon’s eyes.
Kon floated above the floor, seeing that walking was too complicated at the moment and left his room and looked around the Young Justice HQ for his teammates. “Robin? Cissie? Bart? Secret? Anyone? Come on, guys, we can talk this over. Just give me those pictures and won’t murder you with TTK. How about that?”
Kon heard footsteps approaching from behind. A quick turn around put him face to face with Cassie.
“So, huh, is this a new facet of you I was not aware of?” she asked.
“Only for today.”
“Oh,” she said. “What the hell happened.”
“I ate too much pizza.”
“Oh,” she said again. “Well, you kinda look pretty, though.”
“Thanks, Cassie.”
THE END.