10 Things That Never Happened To Xander Harris
Ten Things That Never Happened To Xander Harris
author: lisa roquin
rating: overall PG at most
disclaimer: all copyrighted characters belong to thier respective writers, production companies, publishers and a whole list of people so very much not me.
summary: 10 100 word crossover drabbles of things that never happened to Xander. Crossovers in order:
1.Harry Potter
2.Bob the Builder
3. Stargate Atlantis
4. Men In Black
5. Fraggle Rock
6. M*A*S*H*
7. Batman Comics
8. Star Wars Original Trilogy
9. X-Men
10. Invisible Man
A Letter
BtVS/HP
rated G
wordcount: 100
"Oh cool look at that owl, Jesse!" eleven year old Xander grinned.
"Neat."
The owl flew straight towards them.
"What's it got in its claws?"
"A letter."
"Hey, it's for you, Xander!"
"Who would send me a letter by owl?"
"How should I know? Open it!"
Alexander Harris
1945 Maple Avenue
Sunnydale Hellmouth,
California, United States
Dear Mr. Harris,
It is my pleasure to hereby inform you that you have been accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Your school supply list is enclosed as is a portkey that will take you to the Leaky Cauldron on 31st August....
~*~*~*~
The Talking Scarecrow
rated G
BtVS/Bob the Builder
wordcount 100
"Hi I'm Spud, and this is Travis. Are you lost?"
Xander screamed in surprise, and thank God Spike wasn't here to snicker it was a girly scream.
A walking talking scarecrow and a smiling tractor!
"Hey, Spud, Hey Travis! Bob said to tell Farmer Brown that he'd be there tomorrow to fix the chicken coop. Oh hi! I'm Dizzy"
"You're not the only one" Xander said unsteadily. He was talking to a bright orange grinning cement mixer.
"Did you hurt your head?" Spud the Scarecrow said.
"I hope so. Concussion and a nightmare would make sense just now." Xander managed.
~*~*~*~*~
Pegasus Watcher
rated PG
BtVS/Stargate Atlantis
wordcount 100
Other dimensions he could deal with.
Other galaxies not so much.
And the Wraith things? Waaaay Freakier than vamps. Harder to kill too by what Ford and Sheppard had said.
The Watcher's Council had gotten clued in on the Stargate. Then there'd been the "Ancients Tech Compatible Gene". Just guess who had one? Really guess. It would be the guy who got stuck with all the crap. Yep. The Zeppo. Currently the First Watcher in the Pegasus Galaxy because of that fun little fact.
Atlantis was cool, but the Wraith were freaky and he already missed Twinkies and Mountain Dew.
~*~*~*~*~*
Agent X
rated G
BtVS/Men In Black
wordcount 100
"Suit looks good."
Xander nodded slowly. It exactly like every one elses suit in a freaky Stepford sorta way. Even the skirt version of the Suit for female agents and the altered suits for tentacles and things.
"Relax, junior, you'll do fine" K snorted.
"Hey, cool, if he's junior now, you won't be calling me that" J grinned.
"Don't bet on it, Sport."
"J! K! X! Wait for me!" Frank trotted to catch up with them. "I getta be X's partner when he's done training."
Of course he'd get the talking dog, Xander thought to himself. He was the Zeppo.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Travelling Matt
rated G
BtVS/Fraggle Rock
word count: 100
"AAhhh, Ahhh, CHOOO!"
Xander stilled. His bed just sneezed.
"Ahhhchoo!"
Was he really going to be stupid enough to look under the bed? Yep. Seemed he was.
"Put me down you great stupid creature" the little foot or so tall white haired thing kicked.
"Who are you and why were you under my bed?"
"I'm Travelling Matt Fraggle and I'm exploring the Great Outside Space"
Was he going to be stupid enough to ask? Yep. He was. "What's a Fraggle?"
An hour later Travelling Matt was still going on about Fraggles, Doozers, Gorgs, Madam Trash heap and Fraggle Rock.
~*~*~*~*~*
Grandpa Hawkeye?
rated G
BtVS/M*A*S*H
wordcount 100
Demon. Vortexes. Mojo.
Xander groaned. God where was he?
"Easy, easy, you're at the 4077th MASH"
Xander opened his eyes. The man sitting by his bedside was wearing some sort of Donna Reed type dress.
"I'm Corporal Klinger."
"Where's here--other than the 4077th? Uh, Country? Planet?"
"You're in Korea"
"Korea?"
"Yeah, Korea."
"What year is it?"
"Nineteen-fifty. There's a war going on here..."
Xander nodded. "My Grandpa served in Korea."
"Uh huh! CAPTAIN PEIRCE OVER HERE PLEASE!" Klinger shouted.
"Hey, good of you to wake up. Can you tell us your name or unit, you didn't have your tags"
"Grandpa Hawkeye?"
~*~*~*~
Swinging Over Gotham
BtVS/Batman Comics
rated PG
wordcount 100
"You just sit tight, Sugah, my Puddin's gonna take care of Batman this time. Then we get to play with you"
Xander didn't answer. He couldn't. He was tied in a chair with a gag in his mouth.
"Arrrrrggggh! Don't hit my Puddin!" Harley screeched and took off to join the fray of costumed brawlers.
"Nightwing! Get the victim!"
Xander was quickly untied by the one called Nightwing but didn't have time to protest he wasn't helpless before he was slung over Nightwing's shoulder and the vigilante shot a grappling hook out the window and they were swinging over Gotham.
~*~*~*~*
Then Meditation Time Is
BtVS/Star Wars
PG
wordcount 101
He wondered how long it was going to take Willow to get him back this time. The little green guy was seriously annoying. The heat and humidity of the swamp like planet was killing him. It was like a big foggy muddy sauna. It sucked. So did the ground. Lots of quicksand and sinkholes. Then there were the freaky things that lived here besides the annoying little green guy.
"Paying attention, you are not! Dishes Clean, are not! Is Coming, Company soon! Feel it do I, in the force, yes."
"Yeah, sure, Yoda. I'll rewash the dish."
"Then meditation time is."
~*~*~*~*~
You'll Get Used To It
BtVS/Xmen
PG
Wordcount 101
Gotta love the Military and their Dr. Frankenstien experiments. Not.
He'd thought they'd seen it all with the Initiative. Obviously they hadn't. He'd been targeted because of a latent gene. That found because of a DNA swab to get the police in Cleveland off his back, a demon was the serial killer. He was chasing the demon and became suspect after seen at one to many crime scenes. That lead the Weapon X program to him. The Gene no longer latent. WeaponX was taken down though.
schnick He stared at the adamantium claws.
"You'll get used to it, bub...eventually" Wolverine offered.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Quicksilver Gland Version 2
BtVS/Invisible Man
PG
wordcount 100
"This is seriously freaky" Xander murmured as he stared at his hand. Or didn't stare at his hand. It was invisible.
"It takes some getting used to, but it's cool" Darien grinned.
"Cool?" *snort* "You volenteered for this gig. I got kidnapped by a psycho group."
"A psycho group that now has the ability to make a viable Quicksilver gland." Hobbes added. "That is not a good thing, my friend. We're the good guys. You are gonna be one of the good guys."
"Is he always this squirrelly?" Xander gave Darien a questioning look.
"Who Bobby?" Darien grinned. "Pretty much."
author: lisa roquin
rating: overall PG at most
disclaimer: all copyrighted characters belong to thier respective writers, production companies, publishers and a whole list of people so very much not me.
summary: 10 100 word crossover drabbles of things that never happened to Xander. Crossovers in order:
1.Harry Potter
2.Bob the Builder
3. Stargate Atlantis
4. Men In Black
5. Fraggle Rock
6. M*A*S*H*
7. Batman Comics
8. Star Wars Original Trilogy
9. X-Men
10. Invisible Man
A Letter
BtVS/HP
rated G
wordcount: 100
"Oh cool look at that owl, Jesse!" eleven year old Xander grinned.
"Neat."
The owl flew straight towards them.
"What's it got in its claws?"
"A letter."
"Hey, it's for you, Xander!"
"Who would send me a letter by owl?"
"How should I know? Open it!"
Alexander Harris
1945 Maple Avenue
Sunnydale Hellmouth,
California, United States
Dear Mr. Harris,
It is my pleasure to hereby inform you that you have been accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Your school supply list is enclosed as is a portkey that will take you to the Leaky Cauldron on 31st August....
~*~*~*~
The Talking Scarecrow
rated G
BtVS/Bob the Builder
wordcount 100
"Hi I'm Spud, and this is Travis. Are you lost?"
Xander screamed in surprise, and thank God Spike wasn't here to snicker it was a girly scream.
A walking talking scarecrow and a smiling tractor!
"Hey, Spud, Hey Travis! Bob said to tell Farmer Brown that he'd be there tomorrow to fix the chicken coop. Oh hi! I'm Dizzy"
"You're not the only one" Xander said unsteadily. He was talking to a bright orange grinning cement mixer.
"Did you hurt your head?" Spud the Scarecrow said.
"I hope so. Concussion and a nightmare would make sense just now." Xander managed.
~*~*~*~*~
Pegasus Watcher
rated PG
BtVS/Stargate Atlantis
wordcount 100
Other dimensions he could deal with.
Other galaxies not so much.
And the Wraith things? Waaaay Freakier than vamps. Harder to kill too by what Ford and Sheppard had said.
The Watcher's Council had gotten clued in on the Stargate. Then there'd been the "Ancients Tech Compatible Gene". Just guess who had one? Really guess. It would be the guy who got stuck with all the crap. Yep. The Zeppo. Currently the First Watcher in the Pegasus Galaxy because of that fun little fact.
Atlantis was cool, but the Wraith were freaky and he already missed Twinkies and Mountain Dew.
~*~*~*~*~*
Agent X
rated G
BtVS/Men In Black
wordcount 100
"Suit looks good."
Xander nodded slowly. It exactly like every one elses suit in a freaky Stepford sorta way. Even the skirt version of the Suit for female agents and the altered suits for tentacles and things.
"Relax, junior, you'll do fine" K snorted.
"Hey, cool, if he's junior now, you won't be calling me that" J grinned.
"Don't bet on it, Sport."
"J! K! X! Wait for me!" Frank trotted to catch up with them. "I getta be X's partner when he's done training."
Of course he'd get the talking dog, Xander thought to himself. He was the Zeppo.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Travelling Matt
rated G
BtVS/Fraggle Rock
word count: 100
"AAhhh, Ahhh, CHOOO!"
Xander stilled. His bed just sneezed.
"Ahhhchoo!"
Was he really going to be stupid enough to look under the bed? Yep. Seemed he was.
"Put me down you great stupid creature" the little foot or so tall white haired thing kicked.
"Who are you and why were you under my bed?"
"I'm Travelling Matt Fraggle and I'm exploring the Great Outside Space"
Was he going to be stupid enough to ask? Yep. He was. "What's a Fraggle?"
An hour later Travelling Matt was still going on about Fraggles, Doozers, Gorgs, Madam Trash heap and Fraggle Rock.
~*~*~*~*~*
Grandpa Hawkeye?
rated G
BtVS/M*A*S*H
wordcount 100
Demon. Vortexes. Mojo.
Xander groaned. God where was he?
"Easy, easy, you're at the 4077th MASH"
Xander opened his eyes. The man sitting by his bedside was wearing some sort of Donna Reed type dress.
"I'm Corporal Klinger."
"Where's here--other than the 4077th? Uh, Country? Planet?"
"You're in Korea"
"Korea?"
"Yeah, Korea."
"What year is it?"
"Nineteen-fifty. There's a war going on here..."
Xander nodded. "My Grandpa served in Korea."
"Uh huh! CAPTAIN PEIRCE OVER HERE PLEASE!" Klinger shouted.
"Hey, good of you to wake up. Can you tell us your name or unit, you didn't have your tags"
"Grandpa Hawkeye?"
~*~*~*~
Swinging Over Gotham
BtVS/Batman Comics
rated PG
wordcount 100
"You just sit tight, Sugah, my Puddin's gonna take care of Batman this time. Then we get to play with you"
Xander didn't answer. He couldn't. He was tied in a chair with a gag in his mouth.
"Arrrrrggggh! Don't hit my Puddin!" Harley screeched and took off to join the fray of costumed brawlers.
"Nightwing! Get the victim!"
Xander was quickly untied by the one called Nightwing but didn't have time to protest he wasn't helpless before he was slung over Nightwing's shoulder and the vigilante shot a grappling hook out the window and they were swinging over Gotham.
~*~*~*~*
Then Meditation Time Is
BtVS/Star Wars
PG
wordcount 101
He wondered how long it was going to take Willow to get him back this time. The little green guy was seriously annoying. The heat and humidity of the swamp like planet was killing him. It was like a big foggy muddy sauna. It sucked. So did the ground. Lots of quicksand and sinkholes. Then there were the freaky things that lived here besides the annoying little green guy.
"Paying attention, you are not! Dishes Clean, are not! Is Coming, Company soon! Feel it do I, in the force, yes."
"Yeah, sure, Yoda. I'll rewash the dish."
"Then meditation time is."
~*~*~*~*~
You'll Get Used To It
BtVS/Xmen
PG
Wordcount 101
Gotta love the Military and their Dr. Frankenstien experiments. Not.
He'd thought they'd seen it all with the Initiative. Obviously they hadn't. He'd been targeted because of a latent gene. That found because of a DNA swab to get the police in Cleveland off his back, a demon was the serial killer. He was chasing the demon and became suspect after seen at one to many crime scenes. That lead the Weapon X program to him. The Gene no longer latent. WeaponX was taken down though.
schnick He stared at the adamantium claws.
"You'll get used to it, bub...eventually" Wolverine offered.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Quicksilver Gland Version 2
BtVS/Invisible Man
PG
wordcount 100
"This is seriously freaky" Xander murmured as he stared at his hand. Or didn't stare at his hand. It was invisible.
"It takes some getting used to, but it's cool" Darien grinned.
"Cool?" *snort* "You volenteered for this gig. I got kidnapped by a psycho group."
"A psycho group that now has the ability to make a viable Quicksilver gland." Hobbes added. "That is not a good thing, my friend. We're the good guys. You are gonna be one of the good guys."
"Is he always this squirrelly?" Xander gave Darien a questioning look.
"Who Bobby?" Darien grinned. "Pretty much."