VD: Martyrium
Title: Martyrium
Author: pith
Spoilers: VD 1-3; AU as if 4 onward never happened
Disclaimers: Characters and world belong to LJS. I wrote this for NaNoWriMo 2018, so it's shaky. I'm also rusty with the characters and the world. Requested by KrystalsDark.
Summary: A month after Elena's death, Damon comes to see Meredith.
Meredith might have claimed first place in most of the academic competitions in Fell's Church and many of the athletic ones as well, but it was Elena who was first and foremost in the town's collective heart. Whether people loved her or hated her, Elena Gilbert was known to everyone. She had been first in Meredith's heart too, and they had been present for so many of each other's other firsts. Now Meredith was facing a whole new onslaught of firsts, all without Elena. It was like how Christianity divided history into Before Christ and Anno Domini. Now everything was going to be After Elena.
She had survived her first day without Elena, then her first week. Now it had been one whole month without her, and Elena's legend was starting to dim a bit at Robert E. Lee, but Meredith still found little notes about Elena in the girls' bathroom stalls. Some just said RIP Elena, while others commented on her beauty. Whenever the occasional nasty comment appeared, it was quickly dealt with: either crossed out, smothered with white-out, or rebuked. Elena was no angel, but for the time being people were still focussed on the good. Meredith knew that would change soon enough; it always did in small towns.
They had all changed too. Bonnie was no longer crying every day; the tears came maybe once a week now, and she managed them better. She had even worked up the confidence to ask out a new boy. Matt's smile still wasn't back to its usual brightness, but the prospect of more team sports to play gave him something else to focus on, and he and Meredith had started going on morning jogs, more for the tranquility than the exercise. Their early hours became like a confessional: he admitted he was no longer sure what he wanted to do after high school, and Meredith told him more about her family history, though not everything. It was a relief to have a confidant again. Even Caroline had changed. Meredith assumed that with Elena out of the picture, Caroline would have been a shoo-in for queen of Robert E. Lee, but instead she seemed to be re-evaluating things. Just last week, the Forbes family had announced that they would be moving to Maryland because Caroline's dad got a promotion.
No one mentioned the Salvatores. The entire town seemed to have collective amnesia when it came to the brothers. Even Elena's Aunt Judith referred to Stefan vaguely as 'that boy Elena had liked', and Meredith didn't have the heart to correct her. Margaret still invited Meredith over for lunch every weekend, and the little girl seemed to have settled into her sorrow. She would never be the life of the party like Elena had been, but Margaret seemed content to carve her own niche.
When Meredith first saw the large black bird during her solo evening jog, Damon was not her first thought. She was trying to figure out if it was a crow or a raven, going through a list of attributes for each in her head; comparing them was much easier when she had a picture to reference. But then she felt a shiver of what she could only call magic, and there was Damon Salvatore, just on the edge of the tree line. "Hello, Meredith."
Meredith slowed to a stop, moving in place both to keep herself warm and to make sure her legs were primed to run if necessary. "Damon. What are you doing here? I don't know where Stefan is," she added quickly. "I haven't heard from him for weeks." He had called when he arrived back in Italy and sent a postcard from the Cinque Terre a week after, and that was it. Not that she blamed him. Fell's Church would be forever linked to Elena in his mind, and so would her friends, even if they had become his friends as well.
Damon shook his head slightly. "I'm not here for Stefan."
There was something in his tone that made Meredith shiver, or maybe it was just the wind. After Elena's death, winter had seemed colder than ever. "Then why are you here?" At first she thought he might be there to visit Bonnie, but the McCullough house was on the other side of town.
"I didn't say goodbye." The light from the streetlamp reflected off his hair, but his eyes were as unfathomable as ever.
"Yes, you did. Stefan said you made sure-"
"I didn't say goodbye to you." Damon took a slow step closer, giving Meredith plenty of time to react. When she didn't flinch, he took a second step and a third until they were in arm's length of each other.
Meredith rolled her water bottle back and forth between her hands. "I . . . didn't really expect you to." There was no polite way to say it, really. She and Damon had been at odds ever since he arrived in Fell's Church, and she had hardly figured Elena's death would change that. "It was a rough time for everyone. You wanted to leave in a hurry, and given what was going on, that was probably for the best. I . . . probably wouldn't have wanted to talk to you then anyway, to be honest."
Damon raised an eyebrow, and Meredith almost smiled at seeing her familiar expression aimed right back at her. "And now?"
It would have been so easy to say no. She should finish her jog. She had school tomorrow. She had homework. But one thing trumped all the others: She missed Elena. Talking to Damon couldn't bring her back, but Meredith didn't feel like she could talk about Elena with Bonnie or Matt, not the way she needed to. She needed to remember the good and the bad, because if she turned Elena into an angel, she would never be able to move on at all. "Right now I'm jogging." She said it with a hint of sarcasm, hoping he would reply in kind.
"I don't jog." Then Damon's lips twitched. "But if you tell me where your run will end, I'll meet you there." And just like that, he was a crow again, his gaze even more unnerving in bird form.
Meredith paused for a moment. She would have been going home, or at most making a slight detour to the diner to get a coffee. There was a place she wanted to go, though, and she didn't think Damon would mind. "I haven't visited her grave for a while," she admitted, feeling only slightly ridiculous for talking to a bird. "If you wanted, we could-"
The crow had taken wing before she could even finish her sentence, and Meredith followed it as best she could. Damon even almost let her keep up.
#
Prom was always going to be Elena's thing. From way back in elementary school, when Elena and Meredith had spied girls getting their final dress alterations, Elena had started planning her perfect prom night. It had never held much importance to Meredith, and yet she was the one here to attend it, while Elena would be wearing the same dress for the rest of her earthly days. With both Elena and Caroline gone, Bonnie had thrown herself into prom planning and Meredith had dutifully helped when she could, more to spend time with her friend than anything, but now the big night was here and she was already leaving after an hour.
She had done her rounds. Bonnie was okay, having fun, and hadn't had too much to drink. Matt was enjoying himself, to Meredith's surprise, and he promised to keep an eye on Bonnie as well. And so Meredith was enjoying the quiet night as she walked home alone, shoes in hand since Matt had driven them all. With the teens of Fell's Church partying and the adults enjoying teen-free nights out, it almost felt like a ghost town. Meredith quietly greeted all the dogs in the yards she passed just to shake the feeling of walking through a post-apocalyptic war zone.
Her parents were among those taking a night off, having gone into the city to enjoy a weekend together, but they were some of the few who hadn't had to warn their child to not have a wild party in their absence. Meredith barely had enough friends to fill a room, let alone a house, and she was quite happy to spend the weekend on her own. She had university details to go over, a summer job to prepare for. . . .
And a visitor. She could feel something amiss in the back yard as soon as she entered it, and Meredith cursed herself for not using the front door, lit by street lights and in full view of her neighbours. Her shoes wouldn't even be a suitable weapon because she, naturally, had chosen sensible heels rather than stilettos. Once she got over the initial shock, though, and realized who it was, she calmed down-a little bit, at least. With Damon Salvatore, it was never wise to completely drop one's guard. "Hi, Damon."
Sitting on the stairs of the back porch, Damon turned to her. "You're back early," he said simply.
"If you thought I'd be later," she countered, "why are you already here?" Meredith sat down beside him and set her shoes and clutch purse to the side. The moon would be full in a few days, and it was almost in perfect view from their vantage point.
Damon didn't answer. Instead he stretched out his legs, crossing them at the ankle, and his feet swayed to an unheard beat, or at least nothing Meredith could hear. "How was the dance?"
Meredith shrugged. "It wasn't much different than any other school dance, really. More spiked drinks, maybe, and it was a bit bittersweet, but other than that. . . ."
"Would Elena have liked it?" Damon had been back to visit Fell's Church at least twice a month since her death, and Meredith still wasn't sure if he had gone to see Bonnie or Matt. He would just show up without warning, hang around for a few hours, and then leave after he and Meredith had visited Elena's grave. They always spoke about Elena, but not exclusively and-now that Meredith thought about it-Elena dominated their conversations less and less.
Anyone else would have been happy with a simple yes, but she knew Damon would see right through that. "Not all of it," Meredith said at last. "She would have hated the colour scheme and some of the decorations, but the food was good and everyone seemed happy, so. . . ."
"Everyone except you." Damon held her gaze. "You don't always have to be a sword now, Meredith, cutting your way through the world."
"I'm . . . not." Meredith repeated it with more confidence, or so she hoped. "I'm not. Prom's never been my thing, that's all, and-"
"Did you enjoy it?" Damon challenged. "Any of it?"
"Like I said, prom's never been my thing," Meredith sighed, "so. . . ."
"Did you even dance?" Between his pale skin and dark hair, Damon looked like he was carved out of moonlight and darkness, as if he had just separated himself from the night sky to sit on her porch.
"Yes." She had, hadn't she? Meredith was sure she had danced at least once. Dancing with Bonnie didn't count, because they basically just spun each other around, and all Matt could do was sway, but. . . . "I'm sure I did."
Damon stood suddenly. "You deserve one good dance on your prom night," he said, offering her his hand.
Laughing, Meredith gestured around. "There's no music, no dance floor, and you know I can't invite you into the house." To his credit, in all his visits, Damon had never even so much as hinted, let alone asked.
"So go put on some music then." Damon gestured to her neighbours' houses, dark and quiet. "There's no one around to complain."
No one around to hear me if I scream either. But it wasn't Meredith's loudest thought, not the way it would have been several months ago. "If you want to," she said with a shrug, rising to her feet and grabbing her shoes and purse. She left them just inside the door after she unlocked it and then went to find the portable stereo her mother used when exercising. Once she had that, she picked a few CDs from her selection and headed back outside. Her father had insisted on some exterior power outlets on the patio to make yard work easier, so Meredith plugged in the stereo and flashed the CD cases at Damon as if she were playing a card game. "Pick one." She tried to obscure the titles and cover art as best she could.
"The middle one." Damon didn't even look.
Meredith did. It was one of the soundtracks from the Godfather trilogy, given to her by some well-meaning but distant relative years ago. The choice seemed oddly fitting. After putting the CD in the tray, she turned the volume up higher than she normally would and met Damon at the foot of the patio. When the familiar strains of the main theme started to play, she just laughed. "You picked it," she reminded him.
"I did."
Half a year ago, Meredith wouldn't have been speaking to Damon if she had half a choice. If he had asked her to dance, she would have steadfastly refused. And now here they were, silent by mutual preference, dancing together at a party for two. When Meredith looked up and saw a star twinkling, she imagined it was Elena laughing.
Damon had promised her one good dance on her prom night, but they stopped only when the CD ended. Then he left, same as always, but Meredith couldn't help but feeling the slightest bit lonely.
It wasn't until the next morning, when she collected her shoes and purse from downstairs, that she realized it was the first time she and Damon hadn't gone to Elena's grave during his visit.
#
Elena was the sun, Meredith was the shadow. That was how Meredith had always seen it, or at least how she figured other people did. It didn't bother her, not really; she knew she wasn't lesser or weaker, just . . . quieter. Someone like Elena was impossible to ignore. Elena had never seen Meredith as anything less than her best friend; if anything, she had always encouraged Meredith to do more and it was Meredith who chose to stay in the background.
Now that Elena was gone, Meredith was almost feeling like a dust mote in a sunbeam, illuminated by Elena's memory. Now people were approaching her to talk to her: it wasn't for Elena or about Elena or hoping to curry favour with Elena by talking to her slightly aloof best friend. It made her summer job in the library a bit awkward, since people would often come up to chat. It was usually younger girls, ones who had struggled to fit into the molds of girls like Elena and Caroline. They would approach Meredith at the desk and ask for study tips, suggestions for universities and colleges, and wish her luck for her upcoming studies at Harvard. "Harvard!" Diana Henry, a girl two years younger, would nearly swoon any time she heard or said the name, and she made a point of bringing it up in every conversation she had with Meredith. "That's, like, living the dream. Harvard!" Her rapturous tone gave it the same air most teenagers gave to being a professional football player or an actor in Hollywood. "I can't believe someone from Fell's Church is going to Harvard!"
Meredith had started to wonder if Diana was somehow getting paid for every time she used Harvard in a sentence. At the rate she was going, she might actually be able to afford a year of studies at . . . you know where. "Thank you, Diana. But it's not like it's unattainable. You just have to study hard and really focus, but don't forget the other aspects too. Get involved. Volunteer. Those things always look good on post-secondary applications, but they also broaden your perspective and make you a well-rounded person."
"What are your thoughts about studying abroad?" Meredith didn't even have to turn to identify the voice. "Valuable life experience, or not worth the hassle?"
Having grown up in Fell's Church, Diana was unaccustomed to men who looked like Damon, so she gasped and scuttled away, hoping he hadn't seen how quickly and violently she had blushed. "I'll find those reference books for you in a minute, Diana," Meredith called after her. Then she turned to Damon. He had started visiting a little more often after prom night, but she wasn't used to him being in such a public place where he might be recognized. The Salvatore-specific amnesia in Fell's Church was mostly voluntary, after all, and there were plenty of people in town who would still remember him if they were so inclined. "Hello, Damon. Planning to finish university at last? I don't think Harvard would be for you. I could see you excelling in a business program, though. . . ."
Damon snorted a soft laugh. "I don't think any of my records would still be valid." Then he glanced up at the clock. "When do you have a break?"
Alicia, another university-bound local working in the library over the summer, came back to the desk. How she didn't recognize Damon, Meredith didn't know; Alicia had been in most of their classes, so she had surely met Stefan at some point, at least. "You need a break, Mere? Go ahead. It's quiet, and I won't tell the boss."
Meredith weighed her options and nodded. "Cover me for half an hour?" she asked.
"Sure thing." Alicia smiled and took the reference book request from Meredith's pile. "Have a nice chat!"
Damon waited until Meredith had grabbed her purse from the staff room and they were outside to continue the conversation. "So what are your thoughts about studying abroad?" he repeated.
Meredith shrugged, still trying to reconcile seeing Damon in the daylight. Most of his visits were in the evening. Even though he had his protective lapis lazuli ring, he still favoured the night and probably always would. "I think for the right type of student, it can be an amazing experience. But you can't just travel around Europe and get wasted every weekend. Your grades will suffer and you won't really enjoy your stay at all, and then you'll come back and feel like you wasted all that time. Not to mention the tuition money."
"So you've looked into it then?" There was a note in Damon's voice that made Meredith glance over at him. "Europe has excellent universities," he continued, "and Stefan's been in a dark mood as of late. A familiar face might help."
"Stefan," Meredith repeated. "The same Stefan who's barely written to me or called me in the past six months suddenly wants me to move to Europe for a year so we can be housemates while I go to university? Try again, Damon." Guilt flashed through her, though: Stefan was probably still struggling with the loss of Elena, and perhaps Damon was just trying to be a good brother. It had been one of Elena's last requests, after all, that they take care of each other.
Damon chuckled. "I didn't say anything about sharing a house. I imagine you'd find him as insufferable as I do. But I know he would enjoy having you nearby."
"Stefan would." Meredith felt the smile pulling at the corner of her lips, but she tried to keep it in. "But he couldn't tell me himself because-"
"I would enjoy it too." Even a month ago, Damon might have had an edge of reluctance in his tone, exasperation mixed with embarrassment. Now he made the claim with simple acceptance. "There's no university within commuting distance of our villa, but in general the distances in Italy aren't quite so bad as they are here."
"I've already accepted a scholarship at Harvard," Meredith said gently. Studying abroad would have been glorious; she had even toyed with the idea of a gap year, taking some time to travel on her own, especially after the claustrophobic year she'd had in Fell's Church. "I don't know if they would hold that for me."
"I could cover it," Damon offered, "or Stefan could, if you prefer." His shrug wasn't nearly as casual as he would have liked. "You should travel and enjoy life before you settle into complacency, Meredith."
There was no point in protesting and saying she wasn't going to be complacent. She already knew what she wanted to accomplish at Harvard with an eye on further studies. There were certain hallmarks of life she didn't have mapped out, of course, but her career goals were fairly formed. "I don't want to hold myself back either, Damon. I know how easy it can be to put something off to the point where I never do it. I don't want to do that with Harvard."
"One year, Meredith. Think about it." Damon gave her a steady look as they stopped outside a café. "Your regular? My treat, of course, for taking you away from work."
"Yes, please." Meredith sat at one of the outdoor tables and pondered Damon's idea. It wasn't every day you had someone offer to cover your tuition and encourage you to travel, after all. To her surprise, when he returned to the table with their drinks, he didn't bring up studying abroad again once. They spoke about Stefan, about Bonnie and Matt, about Damon's travels, but nothing about university.
And yet Meredith wasn't surprised at all when she received an international parcel the next week, filled with pamphlets from universities all across Europe, complete with hand-written opinions from both Damon and Stefan.
#
Deferring Harvard had been one of the most difficult things Meredith had ever done. Her parents hadn't understood at all, and they worried that Elena's death was making her depressed and possibly suicidal. Bonnie and Matt were both stunned that she was postponing her childhood dream. Meredith was too, especially since she hadn't yet applied to any of the universities Damon and Stefan had researched for her. She was in a sort of limbo, drifting between being a Fell's Church teen and being an adult seeking the world beyond, and she worried that she was so far adrift that she might never sight land again.
Then another parcel arrived, more like a glorified envelope. Meredith waited until her parents were gone for the day to open it, and all that tumbled out was an airplane ticket, a hotel voucher, a pre-paid credit card, and a short hand-written letter. Hope you have your passport, Persephone, it read. It's time to leave the land of the mortals for a while.
The date on the ticket was next Friday, and it was set to take her to New York City. The hotel voucher was for a luxury suite, and the note told her how much was loaded to her credit card. All she would have to do was pack. But how much? For how long? The hotel voucher was only for three nights, but knowing Damon, he had something more elaborate planned.
Meredith didn't explain the surprise trip to anyone. She simply said she was going to go visit some other universities to make sure Harvard was for her. When her father refused to drive her to the airport, Matt gamely offered, and he simply told her to be safe, have fun, and call any time of day or night if she needed help.
At the hotel in New York City, an assortment of tickets was waiting for her, and Meredith filled her days and nights with sightseeing, Broadway shows, and museums. As she checked out on her final day, the clerk handed her an envelope with a flight ticket for Toronto and a hotel voucher for a suite there. "I was asked to give this to you after you checked out," the clerk said with a confused look.
"Thank you." The package was much like the one that had been sent to her house, except it lacked the credit card and note.
The clerk glanced at the information for the hotel in Toronto. "Your boyfriend must be planning something really nice."
Meredith didn't correct her. She knew she and Damon weren't dating, but for a moment, it was fun to believe she was on some international scavenger hunt, following clues from city to city. From Toronto she was sent to Reykjavik, and then to Dublin. There were the expected stops-London, Paris, Berlin-and some less touristy ones, like Porto and Salzburg. It was over a month before she reached Florence, and seeing Damon and Stefan waiting for her felt strangely like coming home, though she had never been to this part of Italy before in her life.
Once they collected her luggage, they started walking to the parking lot. "I hope you didn't bring a Ferrari," Meredith remarked. "I know I didn't bring much for luggage, but-"
"We can get you whatever you need here, Meredith," Stefan said warmly. "I've already started on the student paperwork."
A new country, freedom to break away from her Fell's Church self and Elena's shadow, the chance to reconnect with an old friend and perhaps make a new one: Meredith was pretty sure she already had what she needed.
Author: pith
Spoilers: VD 1-3; AU as if 4 onward never happened
Disclaimers: Characters and world belong to LJS. I wrote this for NaNoWriMo 2018, so it's shaky. I'm also rusty with the characters and the world. Requested by KrystalsDark.
Summary: A month after Elena's death, Damon comes to see Meredith.
Meredith might have claimed first place in most of the academic competitions in Fell's Church and many of the athletic ones as well, but it was Elena who was first and foremost in the town's collective heart. Whether people loved her or hated her, Elena Gilbert was known to everyone. She had been first in Meredith's heart too, and they had been present for so many of each other's other firsts. Now Meredith was facing a whole new onslaught of firsts, all without Elena. It was like how Christianity divided history into Before Christ and Anno Domini. Now everything was going to be After Elena.
She had survived her first day without Elena, then her first week. Now it had been one whole month without her, and Elena's legend was starting to dim a bit at Robert E. Lee, but Meredith still found little notes about Elena in the girls' bathroom stalls. Some just said RIP Elena, while others commented on her beauty. Whenever the occasional nasty comment appeared, it was quickly dealt with: either crossed out, smothered with white-out, or rebuked. Elena was no angel, but for the time being people were still focussed on the good. Meredith knew that would change soon enough; it always did in small towns.
They had all changed too. Bonnie was no longer crying every day; the tears came maybe once a week now, and she managed them better. She had even worked up the confidence to ask out a new boy. Matt's smile still wasn't back to its usual brightness, but the prospect of more team sports to play gave him something else to focus on, and he and Meredith had started going on morning jogs, more for the tranquility than the exercise. Their early hours became like a confessional: he admitted he was no longer sure what he wanted to do after high school, and Meredith told him more about her family history, though not everything. It was a relief to have a confidant again. Even Caroline had changed. Meredith assumed that with Elena out of the picture, Caroline would have been a shoo-in for queen of Robert E. Lee, but instead she seemed to be re-evaluating things. Just last week, the Forbes family had announced that they would be moving to Maryland because Caroline's dad got a promotion.
No one mentioned the Salvatores. The entire town seemed to have collective amnesia when it came to the brothers. Even Elena's Aunt Judith referred to Stefan vaguely as 'that boy Elena had liked', and Meredith didn't have the heart to correct her. Margaret still invited Meredith over for lunch every weekend, and the little girl seemed to have settled into her sorrow. She would never be the life of the party like Elena had been, but Margaret seemed content to carve her own niche.
When Meredith first saw the large black bird during her solo evening jog, Damon was not her first thought. She was trying to figure out if it was a crow or a raven, going through a list of attributes for each in her head; comparing them was much easier when she had a picture to reference. But then she felt a shiver of what she could only call magic, and there was Damon Salvatore, just on the edge of the tree line. "Hello, Meredith."
Meredith slowed to a stop, moving in place both to keep herself warm and to make sure her legs were primed to run if necessary. "Damon. What are you doing here? I don't know where Stefan is," she added quickly. "I haven't heard from him for weeks." He had called when he arrived back in Italy and sent a postcard from the Cinque Terre a week after, and that was it. Not that she blamed him. Fell's Church would be forever linked to Elena in his mind, and so would her friends, even if they had become his friends as well.
Damon shook his head slightly. "I'm not here for Stefan."
There was something in his tone that made Meredith shiver, or maybe it was just the wind. After Elena's death, winter had seemed colder than ever. "Then why are you here?" At first she thought he might be there to visit Bonnie, but the McCullough house was on the other side of town.
"I didn't say goodbye." The light from the streetlamp reflected off his hair, but his eyes were as unfathomable as ever.
"Yes, you did. Stefan said you made sure-"
"I didn't say goodbye to you." Damon took a slow step closer, giving Meredith plenty of time to react. When she didn't flinch, he took a second step and a third until they were in arm's length of each other.
Meredith rolled her water bottle back and forth between her hands. "I . . . didn't really expect you to." There was no polite way to say it, really. She and Damon had been at odds ever since he arrived in Fell's Church, and she had hardly figured Elena's death would change that. "It was a rough time for everyone. You wanted to leave in a hurry, and given what was going on, that was probably for the best. I . . . probably wouldn't have wanted to talk to you then anyway, to be honest."
Damon raised an eyebrow, and Meredith almost smiled at seeing her familiar expression aimed right back at her. "And now?"
It would have been so easy to say no. She should finish her jog. She had school tomorrow. She had homework. But one thing trumped all the others: She missed Elena. Talking to Damon couldn't bring her back, but Meredith didn't feel like she could talk about Elena with Bonnie or Matt, not the way she needed to. She needed to remember the good and the bad, because if she turned Elena into an angel, she would never be able to move on at all. "Right now I'm jogging." She said it with a hint of sarcasm, hoping he would reply in kind.
"I don't jog." Then Damon's lips twitched. "But if you tell me where your run will end, I'll meet you there." And just like that, he was a crow again, his gaze even more unnerving in bird form.
Meredith paused for a moment. She would have been going home, or at most making a slight detour to the diner to get a coffee. There was a place she wanted to go, though, and she didn't think Damon would mind. "I haven't visited her grave for a while," she admitted, feeling only slightly ridiculous for talking to a bird. "If you wanted, we could-"
The crow had taken wing before she could even finish her sentence, and Meredith followed it as best she could. Damon even almost let her keep up.
#
Prom was always going to be Elena's thing. From way back in elementary school, when Elena and Meredith had spied girls getting their final dress alterations, Elena had started planning her perfect prom night. It had never held much importance to Meredith, and yet she was the one here to attend it, while Elena would be wearing the same dress for the rest of her earthly days. With both Elena and Caroline gone, Bonnie had thrown herself into prom planning and Meredith had dutifully helped when she could, more to spend time with her friend than anything, but now the big night was here and she was already leaving after an hour.
She had done her rounds. Bonnie was okay, having fun, and hadn't had too much to drink. Matt was enjoying himself, to Meredith's surprise, and he promised to keep an eye on Bonnie as well. And so Meredith was enjoying the quiet night as she walked home alone, shoes in hand since Matt had driven them all. With the teens of Fell's Church partying and the adults enjoying teen-free nights out, it almost felt like a ghost town. Meredith quietly greeted all the dogs in the yards she passed just to shake the feeling of walking through a post-apocalyptic war zone.
Her parents were among those taking a night off, having gone into the city to enjoy a weekend together, but they were some of the few who hadn't had to warn their child to not have a wild party in their absence. Meredith barely had enough friends to fill a room, let alone a house, and she was quite happy to spend the weekend on her own. She had university details to go over, a summer job to prepare for. . . .
And a visitor. She could feel something amiss in the back yard as soon as she entered it, and Meredith cursed herself for not using the front door, lit by street lights and in full view of her neighbours. Her shoes wouldn't even be a suitable weapon because she, naturally, had chosen sensible heels rather than stilettos. Once she got over the initial shock, though, and realized who it was, she calmed down-a little bit, at least. With Damon Salvatore, it was never wise to completely drop one's guard. "Hi, Damon."
Sitting on the stairs of the back porch, Damon turned to her. "You're back early," he said simply.
"If you thought I'd be later," she countered, "why are you already here?" Meredith sat down beside him and set her shoes and clutch purse to the side. The moon would be full in a few days, and it was almost in perfect view from their vantage point.
Damon didn't answer. Instead he stretched out his legs, crossing them at the ankle, and his feet swayed to an unheard beat, or at least nothing Meredith could hear. "How was the dance?"
Meredith shrugged. "It wasn't much different than any other school dance, really. More spiked drinks, maybe, and it was a bit bittersweet, but other than that. . . ."
"Would Elena have liked it?" Damon had been back to visit Fell's Church at least twice a month since her death, and Meredith still wasn't sure if he had gone to see Bonnie or Matt. He would just show up without warning, hang around for a few hours, and then leave after he and Meredith had visited Elena's grave. They always spoke about Elena, but not exclusively and-now that Meredith thought about it-Elena dominated their conversations less and less.
Anyone else would have been happy with a simple yes, but she knew Damon would see right through that. "Not all of it," Meredith said at last. "She would have hated the colour scheme and some of the decorations, but the food was good and everyone seemed happy, so. . . ."
"Everyone except you." Damon held her gaze. "You don't always have to be a sword now, Meredith, cutting your way through the world."
"I'm . . . not." Meredith repeated it with more confidence, or so she hoped. "I'm not. Prom's never been my thing, that's all, and-"
"Did you enjoy it?" Damon challenged. "Any of it?"
"Like I said, prom's never been my thing," Meredith sighed, "so. . . ."
"Did you even dance?" Between his pale skin and dark hair, Damon looked like he was carved out of moonlight and darkness, as if he had just separated himself from the night sky to sit on her porch.
"Yes." She had, hadn't she? Meredith was sure she had danced at least once. Dancing with Bonnie didn't count, because they basically just spun each other around, and all Matt could do was sway, but. . . . "I'm sure I did."
Damon stood suddenly. "You deserve one good dance on your prom night," he said, offering her his hand.
Laughing, Meredith gestured around. "There's no music, no dance floor, and you know I can't invite you into the house." To his credit, in all his visits, Damon had never even so much as hinted, let alone asked.
"So go put on some music then." Damon gestured to her neighbours' houses, dark and quiet. "There's no one around to complain."
No one around to hear me if I scream either. But it wasn't Meredith's loudest thought, not the way it would have been several months ago. "If you want to," she said with a shrug, rising to her feet and grabbing her shoes and purse. She left them just inside the door after she unlocked it and then went to find the portable stereo her mother used when exercising. Once she had that, she picked a few CDs from her selection and headed back outside. Her father had insisted on some exterior power outlets on the patio to make yard work easier, so Meredith plugged in the stereo and flashed the CD cases at Damon as if she were playing a card game. "Pick one." She tried to obscure the titles and cover art as best she could.
"The middle one." Damon didn't even look.
Meredith did. It was one of the soundtracks from the Godfather trilogy, given to her by some well-meaning but distant relative years ago. The choice seemed oddly fitting. After putting the CD in the tray, she turned the volume up higher than she normally would and met Damon at the foot of the patio. When the familiar strains of the main theme started to play, she just laughed. "You picked it," she reminded him.
"I did."
Half a year ago, Meredith wouldn't have been speaking to Damon if she had half a choice. If he had asked her to dance, she would have steadfastly refused. And now here they were, silent by mutual preference, dancing together at a party for two. When Meredith looked up and saw a star twinkling, she imagined it was Elena laughing.
Damon had promised her one good dance on her prom night, but they stopped only when the CD ended. Then he left, same as always, but Meredith couldn't help but feeling the slightest bit lonely.
It wasn't until the next morning, when she collected her shoes and purse from downstairs, that she realized it was the first time she and Damon hadn't gone to Elena's grave during his visit.
#
Elena was the sun, Meredith was the shadow. That was how Meredith had always seen it, or at least how she figured other people did. It didn't bother her, not really; she knew she wasn't lesser or weaker, just . . . quieter. Someone like Elena was impossible to ignore. Elena had never seen Meredith as anything less than her best friend; if anything, she had always encouraged Meredith to do more and it was Meredith who chose to stay in the background.
Now that Elena was gone, Meredith was almost feeling like a dust mote in a sunbeam, illuminated by Elena's memory. Now people were approaching her to talk to her: it wasn't for Elena or about Elena or hoping to curry favour with Elena by talking to her slightly aloof best friend. It made her summer job in the library a bit awkward, since people would often come up to chat. It was usually younger girls, ones who had struggled to fit into the molds of girls like Elena and Caroline. They would approach Meredith at the desk and ask for study tips, suggestions for universities and colleges, and wish her luck for her upcoming studies at Harvard. "Harvard!" Diana Henry, a girl two years younger, would nearly swoon any time she heard or said the name, and she made a point of bringing it up in every conversation she had with Meredith. "That's, like, living the dream. Harvard!" Her rapturous tone gave it the same air most teenagers gave to being a professional football player or an actor in Hollywood. "I can't believe someone from Fell's Church is going to Harvard!"
Meredith had started to wonder if Diana was somehow getting paid for every time she used Harvard in a sentence. At the rate she was going, she might actually be able to afford a year of studies at . . . you know where. "Thank you, Diana. But it's not like it's unattainable. You just have to study hard and really focus, but don't forget the other aspects too. Get involved. Volunteer. Those things always look good on post-secondary applications, but they also broaden your perspective and make you a well-rounded person."
"What are your thoughts about studying abroad?" Meredith didn't even have to turn to identify the voice. "Valuable life experience, or not worth the hassle?"
Having grown up in Fell's Church, Diana was unaccustomed to men who looked like Damon, so she gasped and scuttled away, hoping he hadn't seen how quickly and violently she had blushed. "I'll find those reference books for you in a minute, Diana," Meredith called after her. Then she turned to Damon. He had started visiting a little more often after prom night, but she wasn't used to him being in such a public place where he might be recognized. The Salvatore-specific amnesia in Fell's Church was mostly voluntary, after all, and there were plenty of people in town who would still remember him if they were so inclined. "Hello, Damon. Planning to finish university at last? I don't think Harvard would be for you. I could see you excelling in a business program, though. . . ."
Damon snorted a soft laugh. "I don't think any of my records would still be valid." Then he glanced up at the clock. "When do you have a break?"
Alicia, another university-bound local working in the library over the summer, came back to the desk. How she didn't recognize Damon, Meredith didn't know; Alicia had been in most of their classes, so she had surely met Stefan at some point, at least. "You need a break, Mere? Go ahead. It's quiet, and I won't tell the boss."
Meredith weighed her options and nodded. "Cover me for half an hour?" she asked.
"Sure thing." Alicia smiled and took the reference book request from Meredith's pile. "Have a nice chat!"
Damon waited until Meredith had grabbed her purse from the staff room and they were outside to continue the conversation. "So what are your thoughts about studying abroad?" he repeated.
Meredith shrugged, still trying to reconcile seeing Damon in the daylight. Most of his visits were in the evening. Even though he had his protective lapis lazuli ring, he still favoured the night and probably always would. "I think for the right type of student, it can be an amazing experience. But you can't just travel around Europe and get wasted every weekend. Your grades will suffer and you won't really enjoy your stay at all, and then you'll come back and feel like you wasted all that time. Not to mention the tuition money."
"So you've looked into it then?" There was a note in Damon's voice that made Meredith glance over at him. "Europe has excellent universities," he continued, "and Stefan's been in a dark mood as of late. A familiar face might help."
"Stefan," Meredith repeated. "The same Stefan who's barely written to me or called me in the past six months suddenly wants me to move to Europe for a year so we can be housemates while I go to university? Try again, Damon." Guilt flashed through her, though: Stefan was probably still struggling with the loss of Elena, and perhaps Damon was just trying to be a good brother. It had been one of Elena's last requests, after all, that they take care of each other.
Damon chuckled. "I didn't say anything about sharing a house. I imagine you'd find him as insufferable as I do. But I know he would enjoy having you nearby."
"Stefan would." Meredith felt the smile pulling at the corner of her lips, but she tried to keep it in. "But he couldn't tell me himself because-"
"I would enjoy it too." Even a month ago, Damon might have had an edge of reluctance in his tone, exasperation mixed with embarrassment. Now he made the claim with simple acceptance. "There's no university within commuting distance of our villa, but in general the distances in Italy aren't quite so bad as they are here."
"I've already accepted a scholarship at Harvard," Meredith said gently. Studying abroad would have been glorious; she had even toyed with the idea of a gap year, taking some time to travel on her own, especially after the claustrophobic year she'd had in Fell's Church. "I don't know if they would hold that for me."
"I could cover it," Damon offered, "or Stefan could, if you prefer." His shrug wasn't nearly as casual as he would have liked. "You should travel and enjoy life before you settle into complacency, Meredith."
There was no point in protesting and saying she wasn't going to be complacent. She already knew what she wanted to accomplish at Harvard with an eye on further studies. There were certain hallmarks of life she didn't have mapped out, of course, but her career goals were fairly formed. "I don't want to hold myself back either, Damon. I know how easy it can be to put something off to the point where I never do it. I don't want to do that with Harvard."
"One year, Meredith. Think about it." Damon gave her a steady look as they stopped outside a café. "Your regular? My treat, of course, for taking you away from work."
"Yes, please." Meredith sat at one of the outdoor tables and pondered Damon's idea. It wasn't every day you had someone offer to cover your tuition and encourage you to travel, after all. To her surprise, when he returned to the table with their drinks, he didn't bring up studying abroad again once. They spoke about Stefan, about Bonnie and Matt, about Damon's travels, but nothing about university.
And yet Meredith wasn't surprised at all when she received an international parcel the next week, filled with pamphlets from universities all across Europe, complete with hand-written opinions from both Damon and Stefan.
#
Deferring Harvard had been one of the most difficult things Meredith had ever done. Her parents hadn't understood at all, and they worried that Elena's death was making her depressed and possibly suicidal. Bonnie and Matt were both stunned that she was postponing her childhood dream. Meredith was too, especially since she hadn't yet applied to any of the universities Damon and Stefan had researched for her. She was in a sort of limbo, drifting between being a Fell's Church teen and being an adult seeking the world beyond, and she worried that she was so far adrift that she might never sight land again.
Then another parcel arrived, more like a glorified envelope. Meredith waited until her parents were gone for the day to open it, and all that tumbled out was an airplane ticket, a hotel voucher, a pre-paid credit card, and a short hand-written letter. Hope you have your passport, Persephone, it read. It's time to leave the land of the mortals for a while.
The date on the ticket was next Friday, and it was set to take her to New York City. The hotel voucher was for a luxury suite, and the note told her how much was loaded to her credit card. All she would have to do was pack. But how much? For how long? The hotel voucher was only for three nights, but knowing Damon, he had something more elaborate planned.
Meredith didn't explain the surprise trip to anyone. She simply said she was going to go visit some other universities to make sure Harvard was for her. When her father refused to drive her to the airport, Matt gamely offered, and he simply told her to be safe, have fun, and call any time of day or night if she needed help.
At the hotel in New York City, an assortment of tickets was waiting for her, and Meredith filled her days and nights with sightseeing, Broadway shows, and museums. As she checked out on her final day, the clerk handed her an envelope with a flight ticket for Toronto and a hotel voucher for a suite there. "I was asked to give this to you after you checked out," the clerk said with a confused look.
"Thank you." The package was much like the one that had been sent to her house, except it lacked the credit card and note.
The clerk glanced at the information for the hotel in Toronto. "Your boyfriend must be planning something really nice."
Meredith didn't correct her. She knew she and Damon weren't dating, but for a moment, it was fun to believe she was on some international scavenger hunt, following clues from city to city. From Toronto she was sent to Reykjavik, and then to Dublin. There were the expected stops-London, Paris, Berlin-and some less touristy ones, like Porto and Salzburg. It was over a month before she reached Florence, and seeing Damon and Stefan waiting for her felt strangely like coming home, though she had never been to this part of Italy before in her life.
Once they collected her luggage, they started walking to the parking lot. "I hope you didn't bring a Ferrari," Meredith remarked. "I know I didn't bring much for luggage, but-"
"We can get you whatever you need here, Meredith," Stefan said warmly. "I've already started on the student paperwork."
A new country, freedom to break away from her Fell's Church self and Elena's shadow, the chance to reconnect with an old friend and perhaps make a new one: Meredith was pretty sure she already had what she needed.