(no subject)
It's the new year, and I think this journal is owed an entry. As I am writing this on my phone notepad on the morning train for later posting, I expect some spelling and grammatical errors. Oh well.
Let's talk about the beginning of the year. It started out kind of encouraging with my first (and only) medical school interview of my last application round at Mt Sinai. Touring the school and meeting the students I realized how ready I was to finally start my education and career, but later I was to be disappointed. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
February brought an unlikely experience. Bumping into a pretty girl at a bar whom I had met a year prior was an experience that has changed my life, and if I have my way, will continue to change my life. Bonnie has become my rock in a way that I've just never experienced before.
I stole her from her date an we danced for an evening, and even though I made a fool of myself we talked off and on for a couple of weeks until she asked me out to see a local show. And the rest is history.
Another big aspect of my spring was my thesis. After much bellyaching, I finally sat down and crunched the damn thing out- not once but twice. Academically, the semester was otherwise uneventful. I had one other class which I aced, and graduated magna cum laude for my trouble.
But at that time I also realized that I wasn't going to be going to medical school in the fall. Sinai had placed me on the waitlist, and after a brief period, informed me that there wasn't space for me.
Fortunately, I also got an email from the advising office around that time advertising City Year. I looked into the program and decided it would be a good way to spend my unwilling gap year, so I applied and crossed my fingers. The rest of the summer was spent waiting and applying to medical school again (and doing p90x). When I wasn't working on stuff, I was savoring my time with Bonnie. In retrospect, I wish I had savored it more.
The August came, and I moved into a nice apartment, renting a room from a family from Ghana. Eventually I would decide I was miserable there (what with the roaches and absurd house rules), and move to Astoria (where I live now). I started my job with City Year, which I could probably write a book on at this point, so I'll forego it altogether.
The fall and winter was interspersed with visits to and from Bonnie, and even a couple of trips where we visited RI. Most recently, she came and spent Christmas with my family, which was lovely (even though they wouldn't let us sleep in the same bed).
This year taught me a lot of things- some of them clear as day, some of them still being processed. For one, I lost a lot of faith in my parents' opinions. Most of what I've done this year has been against their input, including living with Bonnie over the summer, joining City Year, an changing apartments. I've come to the conclusion that their opinions usually have one fundamental flaw: they're based on their expectations on what SHOULD be happening in my life, and how things happened for them. They then come up with reasons for those expectations instead of thinking of reasons first and coming up with an opinion second. I think it's just because they're getting older and more entrenched in their ways.
So that's essentially my year in review. Since returning to work things have been a bit rough, emotionally. One of my team mates has gotten into a medical school, which makes me anxious. On top of that, the stress of not knowing where I'll be in the fall adds a lot of stress on both Bonnie and me, since Bonnie wants to find a job where I end up so we can move together. Plus she's worried about taking the GRE. It all adds up to make me feel very worried and frustrated about the next four years of my life. I'm feeling very depressed outside of work because I feel like I have no time for myself, and I have no time with Bonnie. It's not that I'm dependent on her, it's just that there's something about her that helps me to be more myself. It's a dramatic effect that people have commented on. I miss her terribly.
I'm also completely starved for school. Any time someone asks me a riddle, science question, or math problem, I go on such explosive tangents! I'm so hungry to be back in the classroom. My curiosity is like some kind of caged animal. The last few months have been important for at least that reason: I know now beyond a shadow of a doubt that I belong in the sciences and I need to be in a field where I am constantly learning.
God I hope I get into medical school this year. Fingers crossed for Emory, UC Davis, or Carver.
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