Lupie time at CMU
I am finally at summer school! We are learning amazing, exciting category theory! =D You know this is obviously what you all want to do with your lives too. It is pretty sweet.
Next week is games and decision theory. I am excited for that too.
The head of this program sounds a lot like my logic teacher. It's a little freaky. I'll look up and for a split second I'll be like WTF Jon? and then there will be the realization that it's actually just Jeremy... Which isn't bad or anything; he's very nice. But it's kinda odd. Maybe doing so much philosophy turns people's voices the same or something.
I've been thinking a lot about what it might be like to be here for grad school. It seems like the people are nice, and there is enough variety within the program for me to find something interesting to work on. And there is a great emphasis on interdisciplinary communication, which is very good. Also, Pittsburgh is home to the Lupus Center, which would be a very good resource to have so close by. Also, it means opportunities to do research trials and stuff, which I am very interested in. However, I don't know much about the school's attitude towards people like me, and I'm not quite sure how I would go about finding that sort of thing out. I mean, of course they have disability services and such, because they have to, but there's not real way to figure how helpful they are without talking to people who've had to deal with them. And I am certainly not comfortable just walking up to people in the department and going 'Hey do you have an incurable disease? Are they cool with that?'.
I am not even certain how out I want to be about this whole thing. I like keeping things mostly private... It's been that way with most things, with the possible exception of homeschooling. I'm not sure if that's just something I'm particularly proud of, or if it's something else. I mean, I have not heard of anyone getting themselves killed purely because they were homeschooled. People will kill you because of what you study or who you screw, however. And sometimes because you're sick. I suppose I am a bit paranoid, but I don't know if I care. It's the way I've always looked at those things. I know that I will need to disclose to some people wherever I end up, but I don't know how big of a circle I'll need. Sometimes I think I would prefer to keep it on the small side, but other times this is all so stressful and scary that I wish everyone knew, so I could properly piss and moan and cry about the whole thing.
Then there is the problem of when to bring all this up. I found a scholarship for lupies that I am interested in applying for. However, getting it would mean that anyone with the internet would be able to see that I have this. Do I want that? Is it going to compromise my chances of getting into the places I really want to go? It's very confusing, and difficult to think about. Unfortunately, the application is due in July, so I need to think about it. It stresses me out though, which is really the last thing I need right now. I am not sure how to deal with this issue.
I have been feeling much better lately, which is actually really confusing. I'm still having points where I'm very fatigued (today being one of them), but overall there's very little pain right now. But I'm still taking at least ten pills a day! I have to keep reminding myself that it's because I'm taking my meds that I feel so much better than I used to; cutting off now would have scary, possibly fatal, consequences. But my brain still says people who feel good don't need them silly pills. It guess it is just a sign that I am really not used to this sick idea yet.
I know that technically it's kinda late here, but my body is having much more trouble adjusting to the time than it did in Maine (probably because Nick and I keep surprisingly similar hours, despite the time difference). I know I need to sleep, but I just don't feel quite ready to. Also I feel bad for not really feeling up to getting out and socializing much today, so I kinda feel like it would be good for me to go hang with my roomie who's studying down the hall with some other people (she's very nice, by the by. I like her a lot). I suppose just chilling would be the sensible thing to do; then I will be able to have more study fun tomorrow. And find me some goddamn chocolate. /craving
Next week is games and decision theory. I am excited for that too.
The head of this program sounds a lot like my logic teacher. It's a little freaky. I'll look up and for a split second I'll be like WTF Jon? and then there will be the realization that it's actually just Jeremy... Which isn't bad or anything; he's very nice. But it's kinda odd. Maybe doing so much philosophy turns people's voices the same or something.
I've been thinking a lot about what it might be like to be here for grad school. It seems like the people are nice, and there is enough variety within the program for me to find something interesting to work on. And there is a great emphasis on interdisciplinary communication, which is very good. Also, Pittsburgh is home to the Lupus Center, which would be a very good resource to have so close by. Also, it means opportunities to do research trials and stuff, which I am very interested in. However, I don't know much about the school's attitude towards people like me, and I'm not quite sure how I would go about finding that sort of thing out. I mean, of course they have disability services and such, because they have to, but there's not real way to figure how helpful they are without talking to people who've had to deal with them. And I am certainly not comfortable just walking up to people in the department and going 'Hey do you have an incurable disease? Are they cool with that?'.
I am not even certain how out I want to be about this whole thing. I like keeping things mostly private... It's been that way with most things, with the possible exception of homeschooling. I'm not sure if that's just something I'm particularly proud of, or if it's something else. I mean, I have not heard of anyone getting themselves killed purely because they were homeschooled. People will kill you because of what you study or who you screw, however. And sometimes because you're sick. I suppose I am a bit paranoid, but I don't know if I care. It's the way I've always looked at those things. I know that I will need to disclose to some people wherever I end up, but I don't know how big of a circle I'll need. Sometimes I think I would prefer to keep it on the small side, but other times this is all so stressful and scary that I wish everyone knew, so I could properly piss and moan and cry about the whole thing.
Then there is the problem of when to bring all this up. I found a scholarship for lupies that I am interested in applying for. However, getting it would mean that anyone with the internet would be able to see that I have this. Do I want that? Is it going to compromise my chances of getting into the places I really want to go? It's very confusing, and difficult to think about. Unfortunately, the application is due in July, so I need to think about it. It stresses me out though, which is really the last thing I need right now. I am not sure how to deal with this issue.
I have been feeling much better lately, which is actually really confusing. I'm still having points where I'm very fatigued (today being one of them), but overall there's very little pain right now. But I'm still taking at least ten pills a day! I have to keep reminding myself that it's because I'm taking my meds that I feel so much better than I used to; cutting off now would have scary, possibly fatal, consequences. But my brain still says people who feel good don't need them silly pills. It guess it is just a sign that I am really not used to this sick idea yet.
I know that technically it's kinda late here, but my body is having much more trouble adjusting to the time than it did in Maine (probably because Nick and I keep surprisingly similar hours, despite the time difference). I know I need to sleep, but I just don't feel quite ready to. Also I feel bad for not really feeling up to getting out and socializing much today, so I kinda feel like it would be good for me to go hang with my roomie who's studying down the hall with some other people (she's very nice, by the by. I like her a lot). I suppose just chilling would be the sensible thing to do; then I will be able to have more study fun tomorrow. And find me some goddamn chocolate. /craving