Feb 13, 2012 01:55
I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.
Okay, I'm cool.
I don't what's wrong with me, I should be sleeping but I'm feeling kinda not okay.
Maybe it's because tomorrow is Monday and I was sick all weekend and it's like where did my time go and it's already Monday I can't deal. I'm so behind on everything RP I should just kick myself. I'm not behind on school so that's one thing I can cope with... this is like week 6 of the quarter? 5 more weeks can we just fast forward to my week of break. I don't think I'm used to college pacing yet though because it's more tests and less homework and I basically sit here like WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING? And I probably am not, because we truly do not do much.
And it's only been like a week of being 19 years old and I just want to rewind.
Goodness, sometimes I hate living on this planet. Because I hate this cycle. But it's something we all live in. Whatever. I sound so pessimistic I'M NOT ALWAYS LIKE THIS. I LOVE PEOPLE AND I LOVE LIVING AND STUFF I'M JUST PRESSURED RIGHT NOW FOR NO REASON.
Also I've been getting really vivid dreams lately, but they're not always the most pleasant. But I also been realizing I am dreaming too, it's weird. Wow this is so random kill me I was just thinking about sleeping. I tell Alice my dreams, she thinks I'm overwhelmed so I've been getting bad dreams. I should mention, I rarely get nightmares. It just doesn't happen.
I've just been so terrible. I don't really want to make friends in college all that much to be fairly honest because I just don't feel like spending time on them even though I know I can very well make a good amount of friends. But this commuting thing is like, nope I want to go home. I'm always so tired....... And this neighborhood is lame. And my close friends are far away back near my old house so I have to wait until break to see them nnngh. I hate this.
I need a game plan.
Now.
i love everything,
i am okay,
*personal entry,
why is everything so conflicting,
i hate everything,
i am not okay