Red vs Blue: Deconstruction
Title: Deconstruction
Series: Red vs Blue
Pairings: Grif/Simmons
Warnings: Slash, Language
Spoilers: None
Word Count: 1,813
Once again, thanks to jack_infinitude for being a wonderful beta. I should buy her a pony or something. Or at least stop sending her fics fill with really stupid typos.
Note: I wanted to thank everyone who's been commenting on my fics. The last few weeks have been a little rough (though nothing I didn't sign on for or can't handle) and all the nice comments have really made my day. I really appreciate everyone who's taking time to read this and comment. Thanks so much! And now, the fic....
"Simmons won't be happy if he catches you smoking," Donut observed as he joined Grif on the roof of the base.
"That kiss ass can get over it. He's the reason I'm smoking." Grif lit a new cigarette with his old one before throwing it down.
"Chain smoking and dropping your butts. That's really going to impress him. Or were you absent on the day they showed those videos in health class about how smoking doesn't make you look cool?" The pink soldier crossed his arms and glared at his teammate. "Besides, smoking gives you wrinkles. You could at least have a little consideration for the people around you."
Grif rolled his eyes and wondered if he could smoke two cigarettes: one for the pain in the ass currently sucking up to their CO and another for the pain in the ass lecturing him on his smoking habits. "No one has to be around me right now. In fact, I came up here so I wouldn't have anyone around me. If it bothers you, go somewhere else." He deliberately exhaled a stream of smoke in the other man's face.
The pink soldier didn't yield. "Just because you won't deal with your problems like a mature adult doesn't give you the right to take them out on your friends."
"You think you know my problems?" He glared at Donut, but his teammate was unfazed.
"Yeah, I do. You have a problem with the fact that you're gay."
"I'm not gay," Grif answered tiredly.
"Yeah, right. You can't keep your eyes off Simmons," he pointed out, following Grif's gaze to where Sarge and Simmons were busy working on the Warthog. "You have a thing for him and you're making everyone more miserable by refusing to admit it."
"Having a thing for Simmons doesn’t make me gay."
Donut made a skeptical sound. "Yeah, you'd be surprised at how many straight guys want to have sex with other men. Happens all the time."
Grif ignored him. It wasn't worth arguing over.
Donut tried again. "Okay, even if being attracted to another guy doesn’t make you guy," the tone of his voice said clearly what the thought of this position, "You still have a thing for Simmons and you have a problem with that."
"Not because he's a man." Donut made another disbelieving sound and Grif turned to face him. "Stop acting like you know me. You don't know anything about me and you don't have the right to tell me what I have a problem with." He took a deep breath. "I do not have problems with being attracted to another man.
"Bullshit." The other man's uncharacteristically strong language forestalled any reply on Grif's part. "Ever since I got here, you and Simmons have been in each other's faces over every little thing. Then, suddenly, you guys started getting along better and everything was great, then you realized you were attracted to him and start snapping at anyone who even tries to talk to you. So why don't you make peace with it and then go talk to Simmons about it?"
"I can't," Grif said. "And you don't understand anything about this." Donut opened his mouth to reply. "Shut up! I don't have a problem with guys liking other guys. I had this friend. And he had this older brother and he was just.... He was great to us, you know? When we were kids, he always put up with us tagging along or whatever. And he was good at everything." He stopped for a minute, wondering why he had brought up, but unable to stop himself. "And when we were in high school, and he was in college, he came out. And one summer, when he was home, we... It wasn't a relationship exactly, but we did stuff." At Donut's shocked look, Grif rolled his eyes. "I mean, it didn't go that far...and after he went back in the fall, it was over. And after that, I just always went for women, but..." He rolled his eyes. "Why am I telling you all of this, anyway?"
"What I want to know is why you've been holding out on me all this time!" Donut exclaimed. "And why you're having such a hard time dealing with the Simmons thing in light of your...um...previous experience."
The maroon soldier sighed. Donut was a good guy, but he just didn't get things sometimes. "Sarge."
"Sarge? What about Sarge?"
"He's not okay with you being gay. I mean, listen to what he calls you. Princess Peach. Strawberry Shortcake. Pretty in Pink--" Donut cut him off.
"Those are about my armor color. Not my....preferences."
Grif snorted. "Whatever helps you sleep at night, man." He looked down at Simmons and Sarge, who were discussing something intently while gesturing first at the Warthog and then at the base. "Hope whatever they're talking about doesn't involve us," he remarked. "But anyway, Sarge isn't okay with that kind of thing. And Simmons is a huge kiss ass, we both know that. Whatever Sarge says, goes. Besides, he's straight."
"You don't know tha--" This time, Grif was the one to interrupt.
"Get over it, Donut. He's so straight that he can't even acknowledge that you're gay. So what am I supposed to do? Walk up to him and say 'Excuse me, Simmons. You may not have noticed, but I spend an inordinate amount of time staring at your ass. In light of this, I think we should crawl in the back of the Warthog and do dirty things. Really dirty things.'"
"The Warthog, huh? Kinky. I'd have gone for Sarge's bed myself," Donut mused.
"Sarge's bed? That's not just sick, that's suicidal, man!"
"Like he wouldn't kill you both if he caught you in the Warthog?"
"The Warthog probably has less firepower that whatever Sarge keeps under his pillow," argued Grif.
Donut shrugged. "Everyone needs a little danger every now and then." He turned to look at his teammate once again. "But don't you think Simmons has a right to know? Maybe not in that way, but somehow?"
"Why? So things can get weird between us?"
"He has a right to know." Donut insisted.
"No, he doesn't. I don't plan on doing anything about it. And if I told him, things would be even worse than they were earlier. He'd hate me. At least this way, we're friends. Sort of."
"I think it's dishonest. You can't be friends with someone if the other person doesn’t know the whole story. It's not fair."
"It's not dishonesty, it's just something that isn't worth mentioning," Grif argued. He reached for a third cigarette, but stopped when he saw Simmons looking directly at them. Unable to meet the maroon soldier's eyes, Grif shoved the pack back into his pocket, threw his butt on the roof, and turned to Donut. "Besides, it would just make Simmons all the more tense and that's the last thing we need."
"You have feelings for him and you keep acting like it's nothing."
"I'm acting like it's nothing because it is nothing, Donut. I don't have feelings for him. I think he's attractive, but I don't think that's something you have to admit to everyone you look at twice," Grif argued.
"You've looked at him more than twice."
"Let it go, man,"
They were quiet for a long time, then Donut sighed. "You know what I find interesting?"
Grif continued to watch Sarge and Simmons working on the Warthog, refusing to encourage Donut by responding.
Apparently, he didn't need encouragement. "I find it interesting that, while you claim not to have feelings for Simmons, your reasons for not telling him are all pretty selfless."
"Why are you so intent on making this into something it isn't, Donut? Why can't you just let it go?" Grif demanded, reaching for another cigarette.
"Because everyone has a right to know if someone cares. If someone cared about me, I'd want to know...even if it wasn't mutual. And you do care about Simmons," he said, preempting Grif's protests, "because you won't tell him anything because you think it might upset him. You're not worried about what he'll say to you, or what Sarge will do. You're keeping your feelings secret because you don't want them to make his life harder. And do you know what that means?"
"It means that the only reason I haven't shoved you off the roof of this base is because you're too far away and it would mean that I would have to get up? And that if you finish that sentence, I'll decide it's worth getting up to do it?"
"It means that you're in love with him," Donut said triumphantly, moving carefully away from the edge of the base and making his way toward the door before Grif could stand.
Grif leaned against the wall for a long time, enjoying his cigarette and thinking about what the other man had said. Most of what Donut said was ridiculous. The guy meant well, but he had a habit of romanticizing everything. The idea that he was in love with Simmons was ridiculous. Their relationship had always been charged, initially with anger, but lately they had arrived at a truce. And sometimes, watching Simmons watch him, Grif thought that the attraction might be mutual. But the idea that anything like love existed between the two of them was ridiculous. Even if Simmons was attracted to him, and if they pursued a relationship, it was impossible to envision himself in love with the other man.
On the other hand, lately, Grif had started to think that he might actually like the other man. He had started to suspect that, somewhere beneath the kiss ass exterior, Simmons might actually be a decent guy. And Donut was right about one thing: That was why he had kept his interest in the other man secret. After all, Grif had nothing to lose. Worst case scenario, Sarge would flip out and send the orange soldier home. For Simmons, though, it would complicate things. Either Simmons wasn't interested and spent the next few months even more awkward and uncomfortable around him or he was interested, Sarge found out, and Simmons lost his position as Sarge's second. While Grif personally thought that would be doing Simmons a favor, he couldn't bring himself to do that to someone that might be a friend.
So, the solution was simple. His feelings for Simmons were hardly overpowering, so he ignored them. He followed the maroon soldier's lead when it came to their friendship and, so far, it had worked. Frankly, he had no real interest in Dick Simmons...despite Donut's best efforts to create some elaborate story of unrequited love. He tolerated Simmons and Simmons tolerated him. Period.
So why did he feel a slight pang when he saw Simmons deep in conversation with Sarge?
Series: Red vs Blue
Pairings: Grif/Simmons
Warnings: Slash, Language
Spoilers: None
Word Count: 1,813
Once again, thanks to jack_infinitude for being a wonderful beta. I should buy her a pony or something. Or at least stop sending her fics fill with really stupid typos.
Note: I wanted to thank everyone who's been commenting on my fics. The last few weeks have been a little rough (though nothing I didn't sign on for or can't handle) and all the nice comments have really made my day. I really appreciate everyone who's taking time to read this and comment. Thanks so much! And now, the fic....
"Simmons won't be happy if he catches you smoking," Donut observed as he joined Grif on the roof of the base.
"That kiss ass can get over it. He's the reason I'm smoking." Grif lit a new cigarette with his old one before throwing it down.
"Chain smoking and dropping your butts. That's really going to impress him. Or were you absent on the day they showed those videos in health class about how smoking doesn't make you look cool?" The pink soldier crossed his arms and glared at his teammate. "Besides, smoking gives you wrinkles. You could at least have a little consideration for the people around you."
Grif rolled his eyes and wondered if he could smoke two cigarettes: one for the pain in the ass currently sucking up to their CO and another for the pain in the ass lecturing him on his smoking habits. "No one has to be around me right now. In fact, I came up here so I wouldn't have anyone around me. If it bothers you, go somewhere else." He deliberately exhaled a stream of smoke in the other man's face.
The pink soldier didn't yield. "Just because you won't deal with your problems like a mature adult doesn't give you the right to take them out on your friends."
"You think you know my problems?" He glared at Donut, but his teammate was unfazed.
"Yeah, I do. You have a problem with the fact that you're gay."
"I'm not gay," Grif answered tiredly.
"Yeah, right. You can't keep your eyes off Simmons," he pointed out, following Grif's gaze to where Sarge and Simmons were busy working on the Warthog. "You have a thing for him and you're making everyone more miserable by refusing to admit it."
"Having a thing for Simmons doesn’t make me gay."
Donut made a skeptical sound. "Yeah, you'd be surprised at how many straight guys want to have sex with other men. Happens all the time."
Grif ignored him. It wasn't worth arguing over.
Donut tried again. "Okay, even if being attracted to another guy doesn’t make you guy," the tone of his voice said clearly what the thought of this position, "You still have a thing for Simmons and you have a problem with that."
"Not because he's a man." Donut made another disbelieving sound and Grif turned to face him. "Stop acting like you know me. You don't know anything about me and you don't have the right to tell me what I have a problem with." He took a deep breath. "I do not have problems with being attracted to another man.
"Bullshit." The other man's uncharacteristically strong language forestalled any reply on Grif's part. "Ever since I got here, you and Simmons have been in each other's faces over every little thing. Then, suddenly, you guys started getting along better and everything was great, then you realized you were attracted to him and start snapping at anyone who even tries to talk to you. So why don't you make peace with it and then go talk to Simmons about it?"
"I can't," Grif said. "And you don't understand anything about this." Donut opened his mouth to reply. "Shut up! I don't have a problem with guys liking other guys. I had this friend. And he had this older brother and he was just.... He was great to us, you know? When we were kids, he always put up with us tagging along or whatever. And he was good at everything." He stopped for a minute, wondering why he had brought up, but unable to stop himself. "And when we were in high school, and he was in college, he came out. And one summer, when he was home, we... It wasn't a relationship exactly, but we did stuff." At Donut's shocked look, Grif rolled his eyes. "I mean, it didn't go that far...and after he went back in the fall, it was over. And after that, I just always went for women, but..." He rolled his eyes. "Why am I telling you all of this, anyway?"
"What I want to know is why you've been holding out on me all this time!" Donut exclaimed. "And why you're having such a hard time dealing with the Simmons thing in light of your...um...previous experience."
The maroon soldier sighed. Donut was a good guy, but he just didn't get things sometimes. "Sarge."
"Sarge? What about Sarge?"
"He's not okay with you being gay. I mean, listen to what he calls you. Princess Peach. Strawberry Shortcake. Pretty in Pink--" Donut cut him off.
"Those are about my armor color. Not my....preferences."
Grif snorted. "Whatever helps you sleep at night, man." He looked down at Simmons and Sarge, who were discussing something intently while gesturing first at the Warthog and then at the base. "Hope whatever they're talking about doesn't involve us," he remarked. "But anyway, Sarge isn't okay with that kind of thing. And Simmons is a huge kiss ass, we both know that. Whatever Sarge says, goes. Besides, he's straight."
"You don't know tha--" This time, Grif was the one to interrupt.
"Get over it, Donut. He's so straight that he can't even acknowledge that you're gay. So what am I supposed to do? Walk up to him and say 'Excuse me, Simmons. You may not have noticed, but I spend an inordinate amount of time staring at your ass. In light of this, I think we should crawl in the back of the Warthog and do dirty things. Really dirty things.'"
"The Warthog, huh? Kinky. I'd have gone for Sarge's bed myself," Donut mused.
"Sarge's bed? That's not just sick, that's suicidal, man!"
"Like he wouldn't kill you both if he caught you in the Warthog?"
"The Warthog probably has less firepower that whatever Sarge keeps under his pillow," argued Grif.
Donut shrugged. "Everyone needs a little danger every now and then." He turned to look at his teammate once again. "But don't you think Simmons has a right to know? Maybe not in that way, but somehow?"
"Why? So things can get weird between us?"
"He has a right to know." Donut insisted.
"No, he doesn't. I don't plan on doing anything about it. And if I told him, things would be even worse than they were earlier. He'd hate me. At least this way, we're friends. Sort of."
"I think it's dishonest. You can't be friends with someone if the other person doesn’t know the whole story. It's not fair."
"It's not dishonesty, it's just something that isn't worth mentioning," Grif argued. He reached for a third cigarette, but stopped when he saw Simmons looking directly at them. Unable to meet the maroon soldier's eyes, Grif shoved the pack back into his pocket, threw his butt on the roof, and turned to Donut. "Besides, it would just make Simmons all the more tense and that's the last thing we need."
"You have feelings for him and you keep acting like it's nothing."
"I'm acting like it's nothing because it is nothing, Donut. I don't have feelings for him. I think he's attractive, but I don't think that's something you have to admit to everyone you look at twice," Grif argued.
"You've looked at him more than twice."
"Let it go, man,"
They were quiet for a long time, then Donut sighed. "You know what I find interesting?"
Grif continued to watch Sarge and Simmons working on the Warthog, refusing to encourage Donut by responding.
Apparently, he didn't need encouragement. "I find it interesting that, while you claim not to have feelings for Simmons, your reasons for not telling him are all pretty selfless."
"Why are you so intent on making this into something it isn't, Donut? Why can't you just let it go?" Grif demanded, reaching for another cigarette.
"Because everyone has a right to know if someone cares. If someone cared about me, I'd want to know...even if it wasn't mutual. And you do care about Simmons," he said, preempting Grif's protests, "because you won't tell him anything because you think it might upset him. You're not worried about what he'll say to you, or what Sarge will do. You're keeping your feelings secret because you don't want them to make his life harder. And do you know what that means?"
"It means that the only reason I haven't shoved you off the roof of this base is because you're too far away and it would mean that I would have to get up? And that if you finish that sentence, I'll decide it's worth getting up to do it?"
"It means that you're in love with him," Donut said triumphantly, moving carefully away from the edge of the base and making his way toward the door before Grif could stand.
Grif leaned against the wall for a long time, enjoying his cigarette and thinking about what the other man had said. Most of what Donut said was ridiculous. The guy meant well, but he had a habit of romanticizing everything. The idea that he was in love with Simmons was ridiculous. Their relationship had always been charged, initially with anger, but lately they had arrived at a truce. And sometimes, watching Simmons watch him, Grif thought that the attraction might be mutual. But the idea that anything like love existed between the two of them was ridiculous. Even if Simmons was attracted to him, and if they pursued a relationship, it was impossible to envision himself in love with the other man.
On the other hand, lately, Grif had started to think that he might actually like the other man. He had started to suspect that, somewhere beneath the kiss ass exterior, Simmons might actually be a decent guy. And Donut was right about one thing: That was why he had kept his interest in the other man secret. After all, Grif had nothing to lose. Worst case scenario, Sarge would flip out and send the orange soldier home. For Simmons, though, it would complicate things. Either Simmons wasn't interested and spent the next few months even more awkward and uncomfortable around him or he was interested, Sarge found out, and Simmons lost his position as Sarge's second. While Grif personally thought that would be doing Simmons a favor, he couldn't bring himself to do that to someone that might be a friend.
So, the solution was simple. His feelings for Simmons were hardly overpowering, so he ignored them. He followed the maroon soldier's lead when it came to their friendship and, so far, it had worked. Frankly, he had no real interest in Dick Simmons...despite Donut's best efforts to create some elaborate story of unrequited love. He tolerated Simmons and Simmons tolerated him. Period.
So why did he feel a slight pang when he saw Simmons deep in conversation with Sarge?