Strangely appropriate icon, actually.
I believe I may be experiencing the psychic equivalent of PMS.
It's not the physical version, I'm fairly certain. For one, I don't really *get* that. That, and it's something entirely tied up in emotion and energy and sensation and all sorts of things I can't really express, let alone put a name to. I'd almost be concerned it's a nervous breakdown, but ... it doesn't feel quite the same. I'm not thinking about the same things I do when that happens.
It's not a pleasant sensation. For instance, I found myself seriously contemplating using the steak knife I was holding to silence Brother's bird a little while ago because people have been working on the roof for yesterday and most of today and HE WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT IT. I love animals. I'm even moderately fond of the little shit, depending on my mood of the day and his level of annoyance. (He deliberately makes sport of trying to piss me off, and I know he's doing it on purpose. He's not subtle.)
It's just ... too much emotion and feeling and thought and sensation, all wrapped up in one tight bundle and I just want to *SCREAM*. But I'm not a screamer. And I'm not sure what else I can do right now. The only other thing I want to do is make the entire world go away and leave me alone while I curl up in a bawl and cry. I'm not much for crying either, but I'm working on that.
I need to find a way to isolate myself and focus on something simple and mindless for awhile, but I've got things to do before we head over for house-sitting tonight so I really can't. I'm also exhausted, since I didn't sleep well yesterday because of the earlier mentioned roof work, and I didn't sleep last night at all because I can't seem to get whatever's bothering me to settle down. I don't know what it is exactly, but I know the only way to find my center again is going to be finding peace of mind, which would be difficult at the moment.
-Bitter sigh- I used to want to be different when I was a kid. Special. Now that I understand that I *am*, it's more aggravating than anything. I wouldn't give it up for the world, but there are times when I just don't know what to do with it anymore.
It's not the physical version, I'm fairly certain. For one, I don't really *get* that. That, and it's something entirely tied up in emotion and energy and sensation and all sorts of things I can't really express, let alone put a name to. I'd almost be concerned it's a nervous breakdown, but ... it doesn't feel quite the same. I'm not thinking about the same things I do when that happens.
It's not a pleasant sensation. For instance, I found myself seriously contemplating using the steak knife I was holding to silence Brother's bird a little while ago because people have been working on the roof for yesterday and most of today and HE WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT IT. I love animals. I'm even moderately fond of the little shit, depending on my mood of the day and his level of annoyance. (He deliberately makes sport of trying to piss me off, and I know he's doing it on purpose. He's not subtle.)
It's just ... too much emotion and feeling and thought and sensation, all wrapped up in one tight bundle and I just want to *SCREAM*. But I'm not a screamer. And I'm not sure what else I can do right now. The only other thing I want to do is make the entire world go away and leave me alone while I curl up in a bawl and cry. I'm not much for crying either, but I'm working on that.
I need to find a way to isolate myself and focus on something simple and mindless for awhile, but I've got things to do before we head over for house-sitting tonight so I really can't. I'm also exhausted, since I didn't sleep well yesterday because of the earlier mentioned roof work, and I didn't sleep last night at all because I can't seem to get whatever's bothering me to settle down. I don't know what it is exactly, but I know the only way to find my center again is going to be finding peace of mind, which would be difficult at the moment.
-Bitter sigh- I used to want to be different when I was a kid. Special. Now that I understand that I *am*, it's more aggravating than anything. I wouldn't give it up for the world, but there are times when I just don't know what to do with it anymore.