A Darker Shade of Red (Time Force/Power Rangers, T, Chapter 35: Coming Apart)
I think I have a sinus cold.
Being sick makes me bitchy and irritable. But it makes for interesting writing, which is what matters.
Fandom/: Power Rangers Time Force, slight crossover with S.P.D. (In Bright Skies universe)
Characters/: Alex
Pairings/: Alex/Jen, Lucas/Trip, Katie/OC, Wes/Eric
Rating/: T
Disclaimer/: Saban/Disney/Whoever sure didn't write *this* into the series. The plot comes purely from my own warped little mind, and the characters are merely borrowed from them for my own amusement. Lucky you.
Summary/: The legacy of Wesley Collins and Eric Myers didn't just affect the past - it affected the future. One thousand years after they became Rangers, one person is still struggling against the corruption of Time Force and the heritage he never wanted.
Warnings/: People used for scientific experimentation, corrupted Time Force, character with self-image issues
Author's Notes/: I'm hoping this chapter comes across as being emotionally charged without being ... *too* emotionally charged, if that makes any sense? I don't want it to be OOC, but there's a lot going on for Alex right now, and I thought he deserved some father/son bonding time, with a slight emotional breakdown in the process.
Well, that or the muses did. -Eyes them-
Love to phantom_blue for beta!
The silence lingered all the way to the parking lot, where everyone but Wes, Ben, and Alex piled into Lucas' car. Alex shook his head at Jen's frown, nodding to the taxi port. She sighed, but nodded in agreement. He flashed her the faintest of smiles, and went to hail a cab. Wes followed him without so much as a second thought, Ben trailing behind uncertainly.
The cab ride was silent as well, Wes too busy staring out the window and taking everything in as he absently pet the dog sitting at his feet. Ben was staring at Wes and trying to pretend he wasn't, while Wes was trying to pretend he hadn't noticed. Alex kept his eyes straight ahead, taking advantage of the time to center his breathing and wall off his emotions.
He could not, *would not* fall apart again.
The cab stopped at the address he'd given it, and a soft chirp informed him that the fare had been deducted from his account. "Have a pleasant day," the autodriver intoned, lights flashing as the doors opened.
"Whoa ... " Wes breathed as they climbed out. "Where are we?"
"Housing Zone Three. You'd call it the suburbs," Alex answered him, shooting Ben a look when he stayed still for too long. He glanced at the driveway. "Looks like the others beat us home."
"You guys live here?" Wes sounded awed.
Alex nodded. "When I quit Time Force, I was forced to give up my apartment in staff housing. Jen disliked the idea of us living too far away from the others, and Katie suggested sharing a single home." He paused at the door, shrugging a little. "They found this place before I had much of a chance to object."
The look Wes gave him was amused. "Uh huh."
He ignored the knowing smile, pressing his palm to the print lock and heading inside.
"Wes!"
He barely had time to move out of the way before Katie and Trip ambushed Wes, fighting each other for the chance to be the first to touch him. Wes laughed, wrapping an arm around each of them and hugging tight. "Man, I missed you guys," he murmured.
"We missed you too, Wes," Trip put in eagerly.
"I can't believe this!" Katie gushed, finally releasing him as she stepped back to get a better look. "I mean ... I never ... "
"I told you I'd see you guys again," Wes told her with a warm grin. "Maybe next time you'll believe me."
The dog barked, wagging its tail so hard its entire body seemed to shake.
For some reason that made Wes laugh again, reaching down to scratch behind its ear. "I know, girl. I know," he said fondly, patting her side. He turned to Lucas as his smile widened again, drawing the other man into a one-armed hug. "Still got a thing for those blue convertibles, I see," he teased.
"I know a classic when I see one," Lucas returned with a smirk, squeezing back.
Then he was stepping back again to look at Jen, and the smile on his face seemed to soften even more. "Jen ... "
Jen's smile was watery. "Wes - " she choked out. And then they were in each other's arms, holding on like they'd never let go.
Alex looked away, feeling uncomfortable for reasons he couldn't explain. He knew that Wes was happy with Eric, that he didn't feel that way about Jen anymore. He knew Jen didn't feel that way about Wes. But something about the way they all greeted him still stung.
"So ... Jen?"
He glanced back to see Jen had moved back just enough to look Wes in the face, raising her eyebrows pointedly.
Wes chuckled. "Sky insisted that we should name her after my best friend, since dog's are man's best friend," he explained. His snickered quietly. "Eric and Vanessa refused to be nominated, so you won by default."
The dog barked again, and he reached back to give it another pat.
"She's very devoted to you," Lucas observed.
Wes' smile faded slightly, turning lopsided. "I had to depend on her a lot for a long time," he said quietly, amusement gone now as he crouched down beside the dog, ruffling its ears as it panted happily, tail wagging. "She kept me going for awhile when not much else would. She's pretty sensitive to my moods now."
He looked up and seemed to freeze. There was a moment of silence, and at last he swallowed hard. "Hi, Ben," he said softly.
Alex glanced at his brother. Ben had gone still, staring blankly at Wes. His expression was closed off, but Alex could read the fear and nervousness in the way he tensed up. "Hi," Ben whispered back.
Wes stood up slowly, coming to a stop several feet away from Ben. He didn't come any closer than that, and he kept his hands at his sides even as his eyes swept over every line of Ben's face. Eventually he smiled. "You look just like your father," he said gently.
Ben blinked at him. "Everyone says I look like you."
"I could see that," Wes agreed, still smiling. "But you have that Myers jawline. It's pretty hard to miss."
Ben shifted slightly, swallowing. "So ... it's true?" he asked finally, his voice barely audible. "I mean ... you really are ... my father?"
Wes nodded. "I am, Ben. You're really my son."
More shifting, and Ben blinked rapidly. "Wow," he managed.
Wes hesitated, biting his lip. Distantly Alex wondered when he'd gotten that habit: it wasn't one he remembered. "Is it all right if I touch you?" he asked quietly.
Ben seemed to tense up for a moment before forcing a stiff nod.
For several minutes they just seemed to stare at one another as everyone watched them. Then slowly, hesitantly, Wes moved forward to place a hand on Ben's arm. They looked at each other, and Wes offered a warm smile.
It was all it took for Ben to break. Faster than anyone could follow, he'd thrown himself at Wes, clinging desperately to him. Wes caught him just as tightly, bowing his head and closing his eyes as tears sparkled on his cheeks. There was a muffled sob from somewhere around his shoulder, where Ben's head was buried.
Alex turned and walked out.
****
"Well, this seems safe."
Alex managed to keep his start of surprise to a minimum, which was good considering the position he was in. He glanced over at Wes as the other man made his way over to him. "What are you doing up here?"
"Looking for you," Wes returned cheerfully as he carefully laid down beside him on the roof. "Why else would I be dumb enough to risk my neck in a place like this?"
Alex gave him a dirty look. "Thanks."
Wes shrugged, unconcerned. "Personally I find my life in danger often enough that I don't need to find the most out the way places to possibly get myself hurt or worse. But that's me." He glanced over at Alex. "Apparently that's not you."
Alex sighed, closing his eyes for a moment as he fought to control his temper.
"Sorry."
The apology was so unexpected he turned to blink at Wes. "What?"
"I guess I forgot just how bad a day this has been for you." Wes looked slightly guilty. "And I'm not really making it any better by being here, am I?"
Alex stared at him. He started to say something, stopped, and started again. After another minute he shook his head. "I don't know anymore," he muttered. "You are ... but you're not."
"Story of my life," Wes said wryly. "I'm either wanted or I'm not."
"I never said I didn't want you around," Alex snapped. He immediately wished he hadn't.
Wes glanced over at him again. "You didn't have to," he said simply.
Alex pinched his nose. "I - "
He stopped again when he realized Wes was chuckling. "What?" he demanded irritably. "What's so funny?"
Wes shook his head, but he was still smiling. "Sorry," he apologized again. "It's just ... you do the nose thing. I never noticed that."
"What nose thing?" he asked irritably.
"When you're frustrated, you pinch the bridge of your nose," Wes explained. "Eric does that." He looked amused. "Well, I do it too, but that's because I picked it up from him. I never realized it was genetic."
Alex stared at him for a long moment. At last he shook his head and looked away. No matter how many of his memories he had, he would never, ever, understand Wes.
"Hey." The hand that settled on his shoulder was gentle, but he tensed anyway. It didn't move. "Talk to me."
"About what?" he asked, sounding more bitter than he'd intended.
The hand squeezed. "Well, you're starting to sound like Eric, which is the first way I know something is wrong. Even if I didn't already know, that's a huge giveaway."
"Do I always remind you of Eric?" he demanded. "Because you seem to say that a lot."
"You do, actually." Wes sounded thoughtful, not seeming the least bit offended at the way he snapped at him. "You're a lot more like him than you think. I really don't get why people think you're like me at all."
"I wear Red and we share a face. That's all they need to know," Alex returned dryly.
A hand bopped him gently on the back of the head. "Stop it," Wes reprimanded lightly. "You're not me, Alex. And no matter what anyone's tried to tell you, you're not my replacement, either. You never were."
He stared at him, unsure if he was more shocked by Wes' words, or the fact that he'd actually hit him. "Did any of those memories I gave you have my life in it?" he asked sharply. "Because obviously you're not seeing the same life I am."
The look Wes shot him was pained. "Alex - "
He shook his head. "No. You can't sit there and tell me I'm not your replacement. Maybe that's not what I was born as, but it's what I've become."
"You are not." Now Wes' voice was dangerously sharp. "I don't care what he filled your head with, Alex. I don't care what any of them told you. I love you for being *you*. So do the Rangers. So does your brother. *Both* your brothers," he corrected himself.
"Sky barely knows me."
"After almost a year of talking to each other every weekend, I highly doubt that," Wes retorted.
"I spend most of my time asking about *him*!"
"And Sky is one of the most observant people I've ever known. He probably knows more about you than you realize."
Alex shook his head. "This is pointless."
"You're right," Wes agreed to his surprise. "Because you're not listening to a word I say."
He rolled his eyes. "Yes I am."
"No, you're not. You're hearing me, but you're not *listening*." Hands caught his face, gently but firmly forcing him to meet Wes' eyes as he tried to pull away. "Alex. I am not taking the Rangers away from you. I'm not taking Ben away from you." Blue eyes burned into his, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't look the other way. "And you may not *want* me here, but I'm not going home until I see that man punished for what he did to my boys. Because you *are* my boys. Even if he raised you, even if ... even if I never got to know you before you were already too old for me to do the things I wanted to with you, you're still my son. No matter how hard you try and tell me you're not, you *are*. Because I love you, and I've wanted to be part of your life even when I knew I couldn't. Even before I knew who you really were." Wes' thumb stroked his cheek. "You can sit there and brood all you want, and think about how you wish I wasn't here all you want, but I'm not going home yet. And it's not going to make me stop worrying about you. It's not going to make me go away. And avoiding the guys is only going to make things worse when Jen finally gets a hold of you."
Alex blinked. After a moment, he swallowed hard. "They're all I have," he whispered. His voice cracked, and he hated himself for it.
Wes' expression softened. "I know, buddy," he murmured, leaning forward to rest his head against Alex's. It seemed odd, but reassuring at the same time, and Alex couldn't find the will to move. "And they're not going anywhere. Believe it or not, you're pretty easy to love once you let people in. And those are four of the most loyal people I've ever met. They're not going to forget about you."
He closed his eyes. "Ben will want to go with you."
"And leave you? I don't think so. He might want to come with me long enough to meet Eric and Sky, but he'd never leave you forever. He needs you too much. Ben depends on you, Alex. Even I can see that, and I only know him through you. He needs you just as much as you need him."
No, he doesn't, he thought dully. No one ever needs me as much as I need them.
He heard Wes let out a long sigh, and he was being carefully pulled forward, drawn down again. An arm wrapped around him, another hand coming up to tangle itself in his hair. After a moment, he realized he could faintly hear Wes' heart beating. "Today really messed with your head, didn't it?" Wes murmured.
He didn't bother dignifying that with a response.
"You were right, you know," Wes added quietly, almost thoughtfully. "I do love you. And I'm so proud of you."
Alex swallowed hard. His eyes felt wet.
Wes' arm tightened around him. "I'm proud of you for today," he whispered, and Alex felt something press against his hair. "I'm proud of you for standing up to him, and for telling the truth. I know how much it cost you."
"Do you?" He was barely aware that he'd managed to get out the words.
More pressure against his head, and this time he was sure he'd been kissed again. "You love him," Wes answered simply.
He closed his eyes, and this time he couldn't stop the tears. "I'm sorry," he choked.
"No, Alex." The arms tightened again, until he was so close he was nearly on top of Wes. "Don't be sorry," he murmured. "Don't ever be sorry. Not for this. You didn't do anything wrong."
A sob escaped before he could stop it, harsh enough to hurt. Wes made soothing noises, rubbing his back like he was a child and rocking him back and forth slowly. It should have been degrading.
It wasn't.
"He never ... he never did ... anything like this," he muttered through his tears.
"Shh ... You'll make me hate him even more," Wes murmured back. "I wasn't sure that was even possible."
He laughed a little, and Wes' hand rubbed his back again.
"I mean it," Wes continued softly, never stopping the gentle rocking. "If he's going to be taking my place, he'd better be treating my boys right."
"No one could ever take your place," Alex mumbled, and it was true. "Even ... even if I thought he was our ... you. He wasn't. He could never be you."
Wes squeezed him again, and this time the kiss was to his forehead. "I love you, Alex."
He closed his eyes, because if he didn't say it now he never would. "I love you, too. ... Dad."
Being sick makes me bitchy and irritable. But it makes for interesting writing, which is what matters.
Fandom/: Power Rangers Time Force, slight crossover with S.P.D. (In Bright Skies universe)
Characters/: Alex
Pairings/: Alex/Jen, Lucas/Trip, Katie/OC, Wes/Eric
Rating/: T
Disclaimer/: Saban/Disney/Whoever sure didn't write *this* into the series. The plot comes purely from my own warped little mind, and the characters are merely borrowed from them for my own amusement. Lucky you.
Summary/: The legacy of Wesley Collins and Eric Myers didn't just affect the past - it affected the future. One thousand years after they became Rangers, one person is still struggling against the corruption of Time Force and the heritage he never wanted.
Warnings/: People used for scientific experimentation, corrupted Time Force, character with self-image issues
Author's Notes/: I'm hoping this chapter comes across as being emotionally charged without being ... *too* emotionally charged, if that makes any sense? I don't want it to be OOC, but there's a lot going on for Alex right now, and I thought he deserved some father/son bonding time, with a slight emotional breakdown in the process.
Well, that or the muses did. -Eyes them-
Love to phantom_blue for beta!
The silence lingered all the way to the parking lot, where everyone but Wes, Ben, and Alex piled into Lucas' car. Alex shook his head at Jen's frown, nodding to the taxi port. She sighed, but nodded in agreement. He flashed her the faintest of smiles, and went to hail a cab. Wes followed him without so much as a second thought, Ben trailing behind uncertainly.
The cab ride was silent as well, Wes too busy staring out the window and taking everything in as he absently pet the dog sitting at his feet. Ben was staring at Wes and trying to pretend he wasn't, while Wes was trying to pretend he hadn't noticed. Alex kept his eyes straight ahead, taking advantage of the time to center his breathing and wall off his emotions.
He could not, *would not* fall apart again.
The cab stopped at the address he'd given it, and a soft chirp informed him that the fare had been deducted from his account. "Have a pleasant day," the autodriver intoned, lights flashing as the doors opened.
"Whoa ... " Wes breathed as they climbed out. "Where are we?"
"Housing Zone Three. You'd call it the suburbs," Alex answered him, shooting Ben a look when he stayed still for too long. He glanced at the driveway. "Looks like the others beat us home."
"You guys live here?" Wes sounded awed.
Alex nodded. "When I quit Time Force, I was forced to give up my apartment in staff housing. Jen disliked the idea of us living too far away from the others, and Katie suggested sharing a single home." He paused at the door, shrugging a little. "They found this place before I had much of a chance to object."
The look Wes gave him was amused. "Uh huh."
He ignored the knowing smile, pressing his palm to the print lock and heading inside.
"Wes!"
He barely had time to move out of the way before Katie and Trip ambushed Wes, fighting each other for the chance to be the first to touch him. Wes laughed, wrapping an arm around each of them and hugging tight. "Man, I missed you guys," he murmured.
"We missed you too, Wes," Trip put in eagerly.
"I can't believe this!" Katie gushed, finally releasing him as she stepped back to get a better look. "I mean ... I never ... "
"I told you I'd see you guys again," Wes told her with a warm grin. "Maybe next time you'll believe me."
The dog barked, wagging its tail so hard its entire body seemed to shake.
For some reason that made Wes laugh again, reaching down to scratch behind its ear. "I know, girl. I know," he said fondly, patting her side. He turned to Lucas as his smile widened again, drawing the other man into a one-armed hug. "Still got a thing for those blue convertibles, I see," he teased.
"I know a classic when I see one," Lucas returned with a smirk, squeezing back.
Then he was stepping back again to look at Jen, and the smile on his face seemed to soften even more. "Jen ... "
Jen's smile was watery. "Wes - " she choked out. And then they were in each other's arms, holding on like they'd never let go.
Alex looked away, feeling uncomfortable for reasons he couldn't explain. He knew that Wes was happy with Eric, that he didn't feel that way about Jen anymore. He knew Jen didn't feel that way about Wes. But something about the way they all greeted him still stung.
"So ... Jen?"
He glanced back to see Jen had moved back just enough to look Wes in the face, raising her eyebrows pointedly.
Wes chuckled. "Sky insisted that we should name her after my best friend, since dog's are man's best friend," he explained. His snickered quietly. "Eric and Vanessa refused to be nominated, so you won by default."
The dog barked again, and he reached back to give it another pat.
"She's very devoted to you," Lucas observed.
Wes' smile faded slightly, turning lopsided. "I had to depend on her a lot for a long time," he said quietly, amusement gone now as he crouched down beside the dog, ruffling its ears as it panted happily, tail wagging. "She kept me going for awhile when not much else would. She's pretty sensitive to my moods now."
He looked up and seemed to freeze. There was a moment of silence, and at last he swallowed hard. "Hi, Ben," he said softly.
Alex glanced at his brother. Ben had gone still, staring blankly at Wes. His expression was closed off, but Alex could read the fear and nervousness in the way he tensed up. "Hi," Ben whispered back.
Wes stood up slowly, coming to a stop several feet away from Ben. He didn't come any closer than that, and he kept his hands at his sides even as his eyes swept over every line of Ben's face. Eventually he smiled. "You look just like your father," he said gently.
Ben blinked at him. "Everyone says I look like you."
"I could see that," Wes agreed, still smiling. "But you have that Myers jawline. It's pretty hard to miss."
Ben shifted slightly, swallowing. "So ... it's true?" he asked finally, his voice barely audible. "I mean ... you really are ... my father?"
Wes nodded. "I am, Ben. You're really my son."
More shifting, and Ben blinked rapidly. "Wow," he managed.
Wes hesitated, biting his lip. Distantly Alex wondered when he'd gotten that habit: it wasn't one he remembered. "Is it all right if I touch you?" he asked quietly.
Ben seemed to tense up for a moment before forcing a stiff nod.
For several minutes they just seemed to stare at one another as everyone watched them. Then slowly, hesitantly, Wes moved forward to place a hand on Ben's arm. They looked at each other, and Wes offered a warm smile.
It was all it took for Ben to break. Faster than anyone could follow, he'd thrown himself at Wes, clinging desperately to him. Wes caught him just as tightly, bowing his head and closing his eyes as tears sparkled on his cheeks. There was a muffled sob from somewhere around his shoulder, where Ben's head was buried.
Alex turned and walked out.
****
"Well, this seems safe."
Alex managed to keep his start of surprise to a minimum, which was good considering the position he was in. He glanced over at Wes as the other man made his way over to him. "What are you doing up here?"
"Looking for you," Wes returned cheerfully as he carefully laid down beside him on the roof. "Why else would I be dumb enough to risk my neck in a place like this?"
Alex gave him a dirty look. "Thanks."
Wes shrugged, unconcerned. "Personally I find my life in danger often enough that I don't need to find the most out the way places to possibly get myself hurt or worse. But that's me." He glanced over at Alex. "Apparently that's not you."
Alex sighed, closing his eyes for a moment as he fought to control his temper.
"Sorry."
The apology was so unexpected he turned to blink at Wes. "What?"
"I guess I forgot just how bad a day this has been for you." Wes looked slightly guilty. "And I'm not really making it any better by being here, am I?"
Alex stared at him. He started to say something, stopped, and started again. After another minute he shook his head. "I don't know anymore," he muttered. "You are ... but you're not."
"Story of my life," Wes said wryly. "I'm either wanted or I'm not."
"I never said I didn't want you around," Alex snapped. He immediately wished he hadn't.
Wes glanced over at him again. "You didn't have to," he said simply.
Alex pinched his nose. "I - "
He stopped again when he realized Wes was chuckling. "What?" he demanded irritably. "What's so funny?"
Wes shook his head, but he was still smiling. "Sorry," he apologized again. "It's just ... you do the nose thing. I never noticed that."
"What nose thing?" he asked irritably.
"When you're frustrated, you pinch the bridge of your nose," Wes explained. "Eric does that." He looked amused. "Well, I do it too, but that's because I picked it up from him. I never realized it was genetic."
Alex stared at him for a long moment. At last he shook his head and looked away. No matter how many of his memories he had, he would never, ever, understand Wes.
"Hey." The hand that settled on his shoulder was gentle, but he tensed anyway. It didn't move. "Talk to me."
"About what?" he asked, sounding more bitter than he'd intended.
The hand squeezed. "Well, you're starting to sound like Eric, which is the first way I know something is wrong. Even if I didn't already know, that's a huge giveaway."
"Do I always remind you of Eric?" he demanded. "Because you seem to say that a lot."
"You do, actually." Wes sounded thoughtful, not seeming the least bit offended at the way he snapped at him. "You're a lot more like him than you think. I really don't get why people think you're like me at all."
"I wear Red and we share a face. That's all they need to know," Alex returned dryly.
A hand bopped him gently on the back of the head. "Stop it," Wes reprimanded lightly. "You're not me, Alex. And no matter what anyone's tried to tell you, you're not my replacement, either. You never were."
He stared at him, unsure if he was more shocked by Wes' words, or the fact that he'd actually hit him. "Did any of those memories I gave you have my life in it?" he asked sharply. "Because obviously you're not seeing the same life I am."
The look Wes shot him was pained. "Alex - "
He shook his head. "No. You can't sit there and tell me I'm not your replacement. Maybe that's not what I was born as, but it's what I've become."
"You are not." Now Wes' voice was dangerously sharp. "I don't care what he filled your head with, Alex. I don't care what any of them told you. I love you for being *you*. So do the Rangers. So does your brother. *Both* your brothers," he corrected himself.
"Sky barely knows me."
"After almost a year of talking to each other every weekend, I highly doubt that," Wes retorted.
"I spend most of my time asking about *him*!"
"And Sky is one of the most observant people I've ever known. He probably knows more about you than you realize."
Alex shook his head. "This is pointless."
"You're right," Wes agreed to his surprise. "Because you're not listening to a word I say."
He rolled his eyes. "Yes I am."
"No, you're not. You're hearing me, but you're not *listening*." Hands caught his face, gently but firmly forcing him to meet Wes' eyes as he tried to pull away. "Alex. I am not taking the Rangers away from you. I'm not taking Ben away from you." Blue eyes burned into his, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't look the other way. "And you may not *want* me here, but I'm not going home until I see that man punished for what he did to my boys. Because you *are* my boys. Even if he raised you, even if ... even if I never got to know you before you were already too old for me to do the things I wanted to with you, you're still my son. No matter how hard you try and tell me you're not, you *are*. Because I love you, and I've wanted to be part of your life even when I knew I couldn't. Even before I knew who you really were." Wes' thumb stroked his cheek. "You can sit there and brood all you want, and think about how you wish I wasn't here all you want, but I'm not going home yet. And it's not going to make me stop worrying about you. It's not going to make me go away. And avoiding the guys is only going to make things worse when Jen finally gets a hold of you."
Alex blinked. After a moment, he swallowed hard. "They're all I have," he whispered. His voice cracked, and he hated himself for it.
Wes' expression softened. "I know, buddy," he murmured, leaning forward to rest his head against Alex's. It seemed odd, but reassuring at the same time, and Alex couldn't find the will to move. "And they're not going anywhere. Believe it or not, you're pretty easy to love once you let people in. And those are four of the most loyal people I've ever met. They're not going to forget about you."
He closed his eyes. "Ben will want to go with you."
"And leave you? I don't think so. He might want to come with me long enough to meet Eric and Sky, but he'd never leave you forever. He needs you too much. Ben depends on you, Alex. Even I can see that, and I only know him through you. He needs you just as much as you need him."
No, he doesn't, he thought dully. No one ever needs me as much as I need them.
He heard Wes let out a long sigh, and he was being carefully pulled forward, drawn down again. An arm wrapped around him, another hand coming up to tangle itself in his hair. After a moment, he realized he could faintly hear Wes' heart beating. "Today really messed with your head, didn't it?" Wes murmured.
He didn't bother dignifying that with a response.
"You were right, you know," Wes added quietly, almost thoughtfully. "I do love you. And I'm so proud of you."
Alex swallowed hard. His eyes felt wet.
Wes' arm tightened around him. "I'm proud of you for today," he whispered, and Alex felt something press against his hair. "I'm proud of you for standing up to him, and for telling the truth. I know how much it cost you."
"Do you?" He was barely aware that he'd managed to get out the words.
More pressure against his head, and this time he was sure he'd been kissed again. "You love him," Wes answered simply.
He closed his eyes, and this time he couldn't stop the tears. "I'm sorry," he choked.
"No, Alex." The arms tightened again, until he was so close he was nearly on top of Wes. "Don't be sorry," he murmured. "Don't ever be sorry. Not for this. You didn't do anything wrong."
A sob escaped before he could stop it, harsh enough to hurt. Wes made soothing noises, rubbing his back like he was a child and rocking him back and forth slowly. It should have been degrading.
It wasn't.
"He never ... he never did ... anything like this," he muttered through his tears.
"Shh ... You'll make me hate him even more," Wes murmured back. "I wasn't sure that was even possible."
He laughed a little, and Wes' hand rubbed his back again.
"I mean it," Wes continued softly, never stopping the gentle rocking. "If he's going to be taking my place, he'd better be treating my boys right."
"No one could ever take your place," Alex mumbled, and it was true. "Even ... even if I thought he was our ... you. He wasn't. He could never be you."
Wes squeezed him again, and this time the kiss was to his forehead. "I love you, Alex."
He closed his eyes, because if he didn't say it now he never would. "I love you, too. ... Dad."