Aftermath
After a very long two months, my new 'family' is a spectacular disaster that has finally ended.
That's not to say I'm not actually disappointed. I really liked the idea, and up until the very end, I was happy enough to overlook things that bothered me. It was kind of nice having a kid around, and has confirmed the idea for me that I honestly want to become a foster parent someday. And when I thought we were getting along, it was nice to have another girl around to hang out with and be myself around.
But my brother's ex-girlfriend apparently had a lot of issues with me that she never wanted to say to my face, so she tells his family that it's mostly my fault she left. To my sister, who she *was* friends with until she started badmouthing my brother and I too badly, she said it was both of us. To *us* she said she was homesick. Then there was something to do with getting back with her ex-husband now that he's had two months of therapy - despite that he was supposedly the reason she was here in the first place.
Her announcement to move really came out of nowhere. It was ... three weeks ago I think? We were suddenly being told that she was moving back in July after she got a check she was waiting for. I can't even really remember the original reason now. Something about her grandparents getting on in age, and her parents having health problems ... I just remember being stunned she was moving, and being startled when she moved the date up to the end of this month. Then I heard from my sister that she was 'torn between the guy she likes here, and her ex-husband', the ex-husband being a guy I'd heard nothing but terrible things about from her *and* her son the whole time they'd been here. And suddenly she was telling me how he'd gone through two months of therapy like she'd asked him to, and they were going to live separately and try things again, and ... I don't think she even realized she never actually told me about getting back with him herself.
At this point, I'm not even sure why she moved. I don't really think I even care. She's gone, and that's what matters.
The last two weeks have been the really 'fun' part, though. I found out at some point last week that she was planning to make our lives hell before she left, and I still really have no idea why that was. But she had the laundry machines running almost twenty-four/seven, unless she was asleep on the couch, which is more laundry than she'd washed in the entire time she'd lived here. She decided to soak the burner pans from the stove for some reason, and then left them in the sink for a week while we only had one small burner in the front to use. She let her son play in my brother's room because that was where his toys were and didn't care if he left them everywhere, and had him sleeping in the bunk above my new bed, because she gave back the beds she was renting that she had previously sworn she was giving to me. Her son threw tantrums like a two-year-old for a week and a half, and she would snap at him to be quiet, but never really enforce it. Dishes were never washed, and my brother and I started just washing what we needed immediately. She removed all the food from the fridge that she had paid for and left it sitting on the counter for a week. And she frequently went out to buy more food for the two of them that was almost never eaten.
I eventually recognized the reason behind my 'MiniSky's' tantrums. He did the same thing when they first got here, because he was unhappy about moving. And now they've moved again, when he finally had a boy his own age and a bunch of other kids around to play with. She'd promised him that they'd be here for at least year, and a few weeks ago he found out that he would have been in his best friend's class next year if they'd stayed. So he reacted by throwing temper tantrums, not listening to what he was told, crying and screaming, and yelling that he hates this place - because he didn't want to leave it.
Two nights ago he was still telling me good night, and that he loved me.
I think he's one of my greatest regrets about the whole experiment. I honestly believe that in a stable environment and given rules and discipline that didn't change, he could grow up to be a really great kid. He was sweet when he wanted to be, and he struck me mostly as a little lonely. I've thought enough about it in the last few days to realize that if I could have kept him, without keeping his mom around, I would have. I liked him that much. His dad didn't care, and his mom loves him but cares more about her own interests than what's best for him, and sometimes I think he knew that. I hope that someday, he'll find a home with someone who can give him the kind of family he needs: one that cares enough to be firm with him, and helps him grow into a better man.
I still wish I could have gotten a hug goodbye, though. Instead I got "Well, I'll probably never see you again. So, bye." as he headed out the door.
I feel bad for Morning Star, too - MiniSky's cat. He knew they were moving, you could see it. And he spent the last two weeks darting under my feet every time I came out of my room, demanding attention from me and even my brother, and often hiding in my room just to sleep. I'm not sure if his behavior had to do with him just not wanting to leave, or the fact that his sister is still missing and they weren't looking for her before they left.
As for the state of my apartment now that they're gone, it was so awful my brother took pictures with his cell phone. A Tupperware container of Spaghetti-O's sat out on the coffee table for several days, along with several dishes, piles of mail - one of which was for me, and a used cigarette. There was a brownie under the couch cushions, thankfully still wrapped. Cat toys were left liberally all over the living room, along with some of MiniSky's small toys that had been abandoned. The used cat box is still in the laundry room. The biggest disaster was the kitchen: used dishes all across the counter, more plastic containers of Spaghetti-O's and what I think might have once been cereal left for days. The food she had removed from the fridge was left behind the dish pile, the burner pans from the stove are still encrusted and now rusting from sitting so long. Empty boxes on the floor and in the pantry. A pot of grass I'd been growing for the cats was knocked on the floor sometime last week and left, dirt everywhere. There's also several spills that left the floor and counters sticky, but the broom and mop are gone now, so I have to wait for my brother to borrow some things from his mom tomorrow before I can finish cleaning. So far I've managed a load of dishes in the dishwasher and to scrape - with a spoon - the food off the counter. I had to ask my brother to get garbage bags while he was out, because the ones we had were apparently used for packing and we never got informed they were all gone. It's taken me three bags to clean up the kitchen so far alone - and I'm nowhere *near* finished.
She also took the telephone line to the router with her - the one that *came* with it. Thankfully, my brother was able to replace that quickly, so it wasn't a big loss. More like shaking my head incredulously at how childish someone can get.
So they're gone now, and the apartment is quiet and empty for the first time I can remember while my brother is at work. I've inherited a teddy bear and a child's vest I don't want, a computer desk that hasn't been finished, a pretty dress that needs new buttons, and several days worth of cleaning. I'm still having trouble getting my sleep schedule back on track - I can't sleep when I'm not comfortable around the people I'm with, and the last few weeks have been a nightmare sleep-wise. I still don't feel at peace yet though, and whether it's because I don't feel like they're really gone or I'm waiting for something I'm not sure.
My brother is happier, I think. She really hurt him over the time she was here, and especially when she left. I'm not sure if he misses MiniSky as much as I think I do, but he agrees with me that we feel bad for the kid, stuck in the situation he's in. I know he *doesn't* miss the cats, and I don't blame him. He's stressed, because things are going to be tight budget-wise, and I know he's more worried than he'll tell me - and why. But today was the first time in months that he and I have sat down and watched TV together. As he put it, it's the first time we've been *able* to.
But more than anything, I miss the cats.
That's not to say I'm not actually disappointed. I really liked the idea, and up until the very end, I was happy enough to overlook things that bothered me. It was kind of nice having a kid around, and has confirmed the idea for me that I honestly want to become a foster parent someday. And when I thought we were getting along, it was nice to have another girl around to hang out with and be myself around.
But my brother's ex-girlfriend apparently had a lot of issues with me that she never wanted to say to my face, so she tells his family that it's mostly my fault she left. To my sister, who she *was* friends with until she started badmouthing my brother and I too badly, she said it was both of us. To *us* she said she was homesick. Then there was something to do with getting back with her ex-husband now that he's had two months of therapy - despite that he was supposedly the reason she was here in the first place.
Her announcement to move really came out of nowhere. It was ... three weeks ago I think? We were suddenly being told that she was moving back in July after she got a check she was waiting for. I can't even really remember the original reason now. Something about her grandparents getting on in age, and her parents having health problems ... I just remember being stunned she was moving, and being startled when she moved the date up to the end of this month. Then I heard from my sister that she was 'torn between the guy she likes here, and her ex-husband', the ex-husband being a guy I'd heard nothing but terrible things about from her *and* her son the whole time they'd been here. And suddenly she was telling me how he'd gone through two months of therapy like she'd asked him to, and they were going to live separately and try things again, and ... I don't think she even realized she never actually told me about getting back with him herself.
At this point, I'm not even sure why she moved. I don't really think I even care. She's gone, and that's what matters.
The last two weeks have been the really 'fun' part, though. I found out at some point last week that she was planning to make our lives hell before she left, and I still really have no idea why that was. But she had the laundry machines running almost twenty-four/seven, unless she was asleep on the couch, which is more laundry than she'd washed in the entire time she'd lived here. She decided to soak the burner pans from the stove for some reason, and then left them in the sink for a week while we only had one small burner in the front to use. She let her son play in my brother's room because that was where his toys were and didn't care if he left them everywhere, and had him sleeping in the bunk above my new bed, because she gave back the beds she was renting that she had previously sworn she was giving to me. Her son threw tantrums like a two-year-old for a week and a half, and she would snap at him to be quiet, but never really enforce it. Dishes were never washed, and my brother and I started just washing what we needed immediately. She removed all the food from the fridge that she had paid for and left it sitting on the counter for a week. And she frequently went out to buy more food for the two of them that was almost never eaten.
I eventually recognized the reason behind my 'MiniSky's' tantrums. He did the same thing when they first got here, because he was unhappy about moving. And now they've moved again, when he finally had a boy his own age and a bunch of other kids around to play with. She'd promised him that they'd be here for at least year, and a few weeks ago he found out that he would have been in his best friend's class next year if they'd stayed. So he reacted by throwing temper tantrums, not listening to what he was told, crying and screaming, and yelling that he hates this place - because he didn't want to leave it.
Two nights ago he was still telling me good night, and that he loved me.
I think he's one of my greatest regrets about the whole experiment. I honestly believe that in a stable environment and given rules and discipline that didn't change, he could grow up to be a really great kid. He was sweet when he wanted to be, and he struck me mostly as a little lonely. I've thought enough about it in the last few days to realize that if I could have kept him, without keeping his mom around, I would have. I liked him that much. His dad didn't care, and his mom loves him but cares more about her own interests than what's best for him, and sometimes I think he knew that. I hope that someday, he'll find a home with someone who can give him the kind of family he needs: one that cares enough to be firm with him, and helps him grow into a better man.
I still wish I could have gotten a hug goodbye, though. Instead I got "Well, I'll probably never see you again. So, bye." as he headed out the door.
I feel bad for Morning Star, too - MiniSky's cat. He knew they were moving, you could see it. And he spent the last two weeks darting under my feet every time I came out of my room, demanding attention from me and even my brother, and often hiding in my room just to sleep. I'm not sure if his behavior had to do with him just not wanting to leave, or the fact that his sister is still missing and they weren't looking for her before they left.
As for the state of my apartment now that they're gone, it was so awful my brother took pictures with his cell phone. A Tupperware container of Spaghetti-O's sat out on the coffee table for several days, along with several dishes, piles of mail - one of which was for me, and a used cigarette. There was a brownie under the couch cushions, thankfully still wrapped. Cat toys were left liberally all over the living room, along with some of MiniSky's small toys that had been abandoned. The used cat box is still in the laundry room. The biggest disaster was the kitchen: used dishes all across the counter, more plastic containers of Spaghetti-O's and what I think might have once been cereal left for days. The food she had removed from the fridge was left behind the dish pile, the burner pans from the stove are still encrusted and now rusting from sitting so long. Empty boxes on the floor and in the pantry. A pot of grass I'd been growing for the cats was knocked on the floor sometime last week and left, dirt everywhere. There's also several spills that left the floor and counters sticky, but the broom and mop are gone now, so I have to wait for my brother to borrow some things from his mom tomorrow before I can finish cleaning. So far I've managed a load of dishes in the dishwasher and to scrape - with a spoon - the food off the counter. I had to ask my brother to get garbage bags while he was out, because the ones we had were apparently used for packing and we never got informed they were all gone. It's taken me three bags to clean up the kitchen so far alone - and I'm nowhere *near* finished.
She also took the telephone line to the router with her - the one that *came* with it. Thankfully, my brother was able to replace that quickly, so it wasn't a big loss. More like shaking my head incredulously at how childish someone can get.
So they're gone now, and the apartment is quiet and empty for the first time I can remember while my brother is at work. I've inherited a teddy bear and a child's vest I don't want, a computer desk that hasn't been finished, a pretty dress that needs new buttons, and several days worth of cleaning. I'm still having trouble getting my sleep schedule back on track - I can't sleep when I'm not comfortable around the people I'm with, and the last few weeks have been a nightmare sleep-wise. I still don't feel at peace yet though, and whether it's because I don't feel like they're really gone or I'm waiting for something I'm not sure.
My brother is happier, I think. She really hurt him over the time she was here, and especially when she left. I'm not sure if he misses MiniSky as much as I think I do, but he agrees with me that we feel bad for the kid, stuck in the situation he's in. I know he *doesn't* miss the cats, and I don't blame him. He's stressed, because things are going to be tight budget-wise, and I know he's more worried than he'll tell me - and why. But today was the first time in months that he and I have sat down and watched TV together. As he put it, it's the first time we've been *able* to.
But more than anything, I miss the cats.