Appropriate Icon Is Appropriate
Two weeks ago, I received an e-mail from my last temp agency. It was for an in-game support position for 'major gaming company', that happened to have the exact same requirements and salary as my previous job with The Borg, except that they were looking for bi-lingual reps. (Spoiler Alert: It was.) It was a request for people to apply. A few days later, I got a second request for the same position, without the bi-lingual requirement.
I spent a good week thinking about it. I'd been told I wasn't invited back, and I was heartbroken. But now they were e-mailing me to apply? I mentioned it to Shi-chan, and she confirmed that they've been really hurting for people lately. So maybe it was a legit offer. I finally decided 'What the hell, why not?' and sent my resume in.
Monday I found a voicemail saying that they were interested.
I was still hesitant, because again, they said I *couldn't* come back. And this was a call from someone I didn't recognize from the agency, and a phone number I didn't know. But they were offering a chance to go back.
I thought about it for a long time. I *have* a job. I have a job that I'm not great at, but I'm getting better. There's a good chance of it becoming permanent. I have health insurance even as a temp, and it's the highest paid job I've ever had. I'd be taking a serious paycut to go back to The Borg: $2.25 an hour.
But I hate my job. I'm miserable, and I hate going to work. I hate taking calls and having people argue with me over things that I have no control over. I hate being on the phone all day, and I keep losing my voice within the first few hours. I feel really isolated there; it's been hard to make and keep friends.
With The Borg, I was happy. Unbelievably happy. I was eager to go to work every day. I still had bad days, but that happens; that's life. I was still happy to help people and chat with co-workers and never afraid to ask for help if I needed it. (Which I did frequently, because I was definitely not an expert.)
I finally made a decision. And I decided I wanted to be happy.
I called them at the end of my lunch hour Friday. It took fifteen minutes: she pretty much confirmed that all my information on file was still valid, I had worked there before but there was nothing preventing me from returning, and the only thing they needed from me was a copy of my IDs. I was technically being hired as a backup for second shift in case someone didn't show up for orientation, but it was a good chance I'd be in. It turned out the reason I had trouble recognizing/finding their phone number was because it was actually from the agency's regional office, which happens to be in Arizona. I just needed to e-mail my IDs and confirm I'd be at the next morning's orientation. I called my work to tell them I was having car trouble and wouldn't be returning from lunch, because I needed to get these things taken care of today. (Ironically, the car did start smoking. She hates stoplights in summer.)
It felt like a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders at that point. Because it was done. I decided that my happiness was more important to me than my paycheck, and it was the right decision. I could feel it.
I've been through this orientation before, so I wasn't expecting it to be any different. I absently noted the people who I could see would not make it through training; it's judgemental of me, but honestly with The Borg, you really can tell who's not going to work out. I learned a few interesting things: this time they had done their hiring through the regional office such as with me, because the handler for the company had decided she was too overwhelmed to do it herself anymore. They no longer care if you know the company's products or even play MMOs anymore (as they did when I was hired); they're only looking for people who are gamers. They've already lost seven people from their last group for doing stupid shit like surfing the internet during their training or abusing company information. It was somewhat confirmed that the company really is hurting for people right now.
After two and a half hours of waiting through the lectures, the sorting of people, confirming of shifts, confirming who used to work there (I mentioned this twice, that morning alone), and confirming who was referred by an employee of The Borg, I was held back to wait with the other backup people. The handler had been confirming employee ID numbers for everyone, and I decided to grab mine because they were using a new system now, and I wasn't sure what my number was. I needed to talk to her anyway, because I was still a little concerned about being told I couldn't come back previously, since that didn't seem to matter now.
Turns out it does matter.
She gave me an excuse about some spreadsheet of people they weren't supposed to call that I was on, and they shouldn't have even contacted me. Double-checked my information and confirmed I wasn't invited to return because 'my overall stats didn't rank high enough'. Apologized three times for having me come in, and told me to send her my resume on Monday and she'd see if she could find something for me.
I'm ...
Well, there are a lot of emotions for me right now.
I'm pissed. I'm I-want-someone-fucking-fired-for-this-bullshit pissed. I confirmed over the phone that I was previously employed; I confirmed twice in the orientation that I was previously employed. People are being fired for shit like pulling up personal information on company computers, and you're telling me that the only reason I can't come back is because I didn't rank high enough? That you shouldn't have wasted my time, gotten my hopes up, and made me lose out on four hours of pay because oops you shouldn't have fucking contacted me in the first place? FUCK YOU.
I'm hurt. Heartbroken, really. Because I got my hopes up that I could go back to the company I adored, and the job I enjoyed, and all the friends there that I miss. I decided that being there was more important to me than making more money, only to be told I can't because I'm not good enough to work there. I was excited about work again. I was planning to work on my game this weekend, and figuring out all the things I'd need to do and be ready for on my first day of training. And now I'm not. Because I'm just not good enough.
I've been trying to fight off depression by being logical. I still have a job. I can keep looking for another position within the company, and hope that something comes up. I can keep looking for work elsewhere. I'm not out on my ass again, like I was before. It just means that everything is the same as it was last week.
But logic isn't as helpful as we'd like it to be when all you want to do is scream and rage and cry because everything is wrong and isn't getting better after all.
P.S. To everyone who posted for PR Day, THANK YOU! So many lovely stories! ♥ I will get to reading and commenting soon. I just ... need some time first.
I spent a good week thinking about it. I'd been told I wasn't invited back, and I was heartbroken. But now they were e-mailing me to apply? I mentioned it to Shi-chan, and she confirmed that they've been really hurting for people lately. So maybe it was a legit offer. I finally decided 'What the hell, why not?' and sent my resume in.
Monday I found a voicemail saying that they were interested.
I was still hesitant, because again, they said I *couldn't* come back. And this was a call from someone I didn't recognize from the agency, and a phone number I didn't know. But they were offering a chance to go back.
I thought about it for a long time. I *have* a job. I have a job that I'm not great at, but I'm getting better. There's a good chance of it becoming permanent. I have health insurance even as a temp, and it's the highest paid job I've ever had. I'd be taking a serious paycut to go back to The Borg: $2.25 an hour.
But I hate my job. I'm miserable, and I hate going to work. I hate taking calls and having people argue with me over things that I have no control over. I hate being on the phone all day, and I keep losing my voice within the first few hours. I feel really isolated there; it's been hard to make and keep friends.
With The Borg, I was happy. Unbelievably happy. I was eager to go to work every day. I still had bad days, but that happens; that's life. I was still happy to help people and chat with co-workers and never afraid to ask for help if I needed it. (Which I did frequently, because I was definitely not an expert.)
I finally made a decision. And I decided I wanted to be happy.
I called them at the end of my lunch hour Friday. It took fifteen minutes: she pretty much confirmed that all my information on file was still valid, I had worked there before but there was nothing preventing me from returning, and the only thing they needed from me was a copy of my IDs. I was technically being hired as a backup for second shift in case someone didn't show up for orientation, but it was a good chance I'd be in. It turned out the reason I had trouble recognizing/finding their phone number was because it was actually from the agency's regional office, which happens to be in Arizona. I just needed to e-mail my IDs and confirm I'd be at the next morning's orientation. I called my work to tell them I was having car trouble and wouldn't be returning from lunch, because I needed to get these things taken care of today. (Ironically, the car did start smoking. She hates stoplights in summer.)
It felt like a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders at that point. Because it was done. I decided that my happiness was more important to me than my paycheck, and it was the right decision. I could feel it.
I've been through this orientation before, so I wasn't expecting it to be any different. I absently noted the people who I could see would not make it through training; it's judgemental of me, but honestly with The Borg, you really can tell who's not going to work out. I learned a few interesting things: this time they had done their hiring through the regional office such as with me, because the handler for the company had decided she was too overwhelmed to do it herself anymore. They no longer care if you know the company's products or even play MMOs anymore (as they did when I was hired); they're only looking for people who are gamers. They've already lost seven people from their last group for doing stupid shit like surfing the internet during their training or abusing company information. It was somewhat confirmed that the company really is hurting for people right now.
After two and a half hours of waiting through the lectures, the sorting of people, confirming of shifts, confirming who used to work there (I mentioned this twice, that morning alone), and confirming who was referred by an employee of The Borg, I was held back to wait with the other backup people. The handler had been confirming employee ID numbers for everyone, and I decided to grab mine because they were using a new system now, and I wasn't sure what my number was. I needed to talk to her anyway, because I was still a little concerned about being told I couldn't come back previously, since that didn't seem to matter now.
Turns out it does matter.
She gave me an excuse about some spreadsheet of people they weren't supposed to call that I was on, and they shouldn't have even contacted me. Double-checked my information and confirmed I wasn't invited to return because 'my overall stats didn't rank high enough'. Apologized three times for having me come in, and told me to send her my resume on Monday and she'd see if she could find something for me.
I'm ...
Well, there are a lot of emotions for me right now.
I'm pissed. I'm I-want-someone-fucking-fired-for-this-bullshit pissed. I confirmed over the phone that I was previously employed; I confirmed twice in the orientation that I was previously employed. People are being fired for shit like pulling up personal information on company computers, and you're telling me that the only reason I can't come back is because I didn't rank high enough? That you shouldn't have wasted my time, gotten my hopes up, and made me lose out on four hours of pay because oops you shouldn't have fucking contacted me in the first place? FUCK YOU.
I'm hurt. Heartbroken, really. Because I got my hopes up that I could go back to the company I adored, and the job I enjoyed, and all the friends there that I miss. I decided that being there was more important to me than making more money, only to be told I can't because I'm not good enough to work there. I was excited about work again. I was planning to work on my game this weekend, and figuring out all the things I'd need to do and be ready for on my first day of training. And now I'm not. Because I'm just not good enough.
I've been trying to fight off depression by being logical. I still have a job. I can keep looking for another position within the company, and hope that something comes up. I can keep looking for work elsewhere. I'm not out on my ass again, like I was before. It just means that everything is the same as it was last week.
But logic isn't as helpful as we'd like it to be when all you want to do is scream and rage and cry because everything is wrong and isn't getting better after all.
P.S. To everyone who posted for PR Day, THANK YOU! So many lovely stories! ♥ I will get to reading and commenting soon. I just ... need some time first.