A Day to Feel Loved. ♥
It's kind of ironic.
I posted today's
snowflake_challenge hesitantly, because I thought it was presumptuous to ask people to tell you that they love you. In fact, I was mostly amused that the other posts of this meme I saw said they had felt the same way, but ended up posting it anyway.
Then I talked to my mom this afternoon.
At one point it came up that my aunt and I haven't been on speaking terms for the past several years, because of Blowing Smoke and its aftermath. My mom said very shortly that what I had posted was very hurtful, and I answered that it hadn't been intended that way. And then we moved on, because we've both come to understand that this is something we will never, ever, agree on.
I was thinking on it later, about all the things I'd said then, and why I'd felt the need to say them. That at the time, I'd felt like I was drowning, and in way, I was asking - pleading - for someone to tell me that it was okay. That I was broken, and damaged, but that was okay.
And they did.
For all the drama in my offline life that Blowing Smoke caused, it also brought me friends who accepted me as I am. Who told me that it *is* okay, and I'm not broken. That I'm someone worth knowing, and I don't have to be anything other than myself. After everything, Blowing Smoke set me free in a lot of ways. And I will never, *ever* regret it.
After coming to that conclusion, I came back to check my e-mail, and found comments of love and admiration. Things that made my eyes well up, because they reminded me of everything I'd been thinking. That I, as I am, am okay. More than okay.
And really, that's what today's meme was all about, wasn't it? ♥
* Next month makes six years since I posted Blowing Smoke. Seems like a lifetime ago, sometimes. But in a good way. Always a good way.
I posted today's
snowflake_challenge hesitantly, because I thought it was presumptuous to ask people to tell you that they love you. In fact, I was mostly amused that the other posts of this meme I saw said they had felt the same way, but ended up posting it anyway.
Then I talked to my mom this afternoon.
At one point it came up that my aunt and I haven't been on speaking terms for the past several years, because of Blowing Smoke and its aftermath. My mom said very shortly that what I had posted was very hurtful, and I answered that it hadn't been intended that way. And then we moved on, because we've both come to understand that this is something we will never, ever, agree on.
I was thinking on it later, about all the things I'd said then, and why I'd felt the need to say them. That at the time, I'd felt like I was drowning, and in way, I was asking - pleading - for someone to tell me that it was okay. That I was broken, and damaged, but that was okay.
And they did.
For all the drama in my offline life that Blowing Smoke caused, it also brought me friends who accepted me as I am. Who told me that it *is* okay, and I'm not broken. That I'm someone worth knowing, and I don't have to be anything other than myself. After everything, Blowing Smoke set me free in a lot of ways. And I will never, *ever* regret it.
After coming to that conclusion, I came back to check my e-mail, and found comments of love and admiration. Things that made my eyes well up, because they reminded me of everything I'd been thinking. That I, as I am, am okay. More than okay.
And really, that's what today's meme was all about, wasn't it? ♥
* Next month makes six years since I posted Blowing Smoke. Seems like a lifetime ago, sometimes. But in a good way. Always a good way.