In Another Life
I had the most beautiful, terrible dream last night.
I dreamed I lived my life over again, but with all the memories and knowledge that I have now. I stopped caring what other people thought of me and did what was fun and made me happy, even when everyone thought I was 'weird'. I confronted my mom over her alcoholism and made my dad spend more time with me. I made better decisions. I paid attention and studied the things I should have. I tracked down the people who I knew would be amazing friends and made them my friends again.
But it was also terrible, because I had to live with the knowledge of all these things that were going to happen that I couldn't tell anyone. I tried to warn my friends about things in their future, but they never understood what I was trying to say. I lived in constant fear that if I ever told anyone the truth about why I knew, they'd have me committed. So when I was asked how I knew the things I did, I would smile and say 'In another life' while trying not to cry.
There was one moment that stood out the most. I was in school (it kept switching between fifth grade and kindergarten for some reason), and the teacher had asked everyone what we wanted to do when grow up. I stood up on my chair and proudly declared "I want to live!" They all looked at me strangely, and I explained "I want to be a writer and horse trainer and psychologist. I want to laugh and dance and sing. I want to see the world. I want to see plays and read books and meet new people. I want to *live*!"
I dreamed I lived my life over again, but with all the memories and knowledge that I have now. I stopped caring what other people thought of me and did what was fun and made me happy, even when everyone thought I was 'weird'. I confronted my mom over her alcoholism and made my dad spend more time with me. I made better decisions. I paid attention and studied the things I should have. I tracked down the people who I knew would be amazing friends and made them my friends again.
But it was also terrible, because I had to live with the knowledge of all these things that were going to happen that I couldn't tell anyone. I tried to warn my friends about things in their future, but they never understood what I was trying to say. I lived in constant fear that if I ever told anyone the truth about why I knew, they'd have me committed. So when I was asked how I knew the things I did, I would smile and say 'In another life' while trying not to cry.
There was one moment that stood out the most. I was in school (it kept switching between fifth grade and kindergarten for some reason), and the teacher had asked everyone what we wanted to do when grow up. I stood up on my chair and proudly declared "I want to live!" They all looked at me strangely, and I explained "I want to be a writer and horse trainer and psychologist. I want to laugh and dance and sing. I want to see the world. I want to see plays and read books and meet new people. I want to *live*!"