More Than a Fairytale (Tsukino Akume, Angst/Romance)
Akume: So far this fic is called I Don't Know Yet, but I'm tempted to title it It's Rosa's Fault instead.
Akume: I think I just channeled you into a line. o.O
rosabelle: You did?
Akume: Zhane just said something very ... you.
rosabelle: He is me
Akume: Yes, but this is more You than I expected it to be. o.O
Title/: More Than a Fairytale
Author/: Tsukino Akume
Rating/: K
Warnings/: Angst! Threesomes! Unrequited love! Fluff!
Disclaimer/: Still don't own it.
Summary/: Love wasn't the fairytale Cassie used to think it was.
Author's Notes/: Strange, but true facts:
1) This is ALL rosabelle'S FAULT. And the CurtainficMeme's. But mainly rosabelle's.
2) The beginning of this was written in my pocket notebook while standing in a grocery store leaning over a shopping cart as I waited for someone. It was six mini-pages long at the time. (It was a very long wait, and I was very cold.)
3) Starbucks Java Chip ice cream is deadly to fanfiction. I'm still trying to decide if this is a good thing or not. But then, coffee and/or coffee ice cream in general is also deadly, so.
4) This fic was incredibly difficult to write after the sugar rush finally started to wear off. >.<++
"I'm sorry." She wasn't, but she said it anyway.
Phantom Ranger stared at her. She couldn't see his face to know what he was thinking, but his stance seemed somewhere between stunned and dejected. "Cassie ... I love you," he whispered, sounding broken.
"But I don't love you. Not anymore."
"Why ... ?"
She closed her eyes. She felt tired, frustrated. "Because you weren't there," she said at last. *They* would have understood. Why couldn't he understand her as well as they did? "And someone else was." She shrugged a little. It was cold, but true.
"I see," he murmured.
"I'm sorry," she repeated. It seemed appropriate.
He didn't move, but there was nothing else for her to say. "I have to go." She hesitated. She may not love him anymore - if she ever really had - but it still felt wrong to just leave him there. "Goodbye, Phantom."
She touched her morpher, and left him in a shower of sparkling pink.
****
She sprawled across her bed, closing her eyes as she moved to hug a pillow to her chest. She wasn't sad exactly, but she still hadn't wanted to hurt him. She'd needed to end whatever it was between them because it *had* to be done, because they both needed the closure. But that didn't stop the ache in her chest at the memory of the pain in his voice.
It wasn't that she hadn't *wanted* something with Phantom - at least at first. He'd saved her, time and again, without ever asking for anything in return. They'd somehow understood each other without her ever needing to see his face. She'd thought that he was her soulmate.
She'd been such a child back then.
She had been in love with the mystery of the Phantom Ranger. An armored knight coming to her rescue whenever she needed him most; it was practically a fairy tale come to life. The romantic drama of it all had been irresistible to a naive, lonely teenage girl.
Then had come the destruction of the Power Chamber, and her trip into space. There had been Andros, and Ashley's bright-eyed fascination with him even as he pushed her - pushed them all - away. It seemed inevitable that Ashley would break down his walls and win him over, and she would find Phantom and they would fall even more in love, and T.J. and Carlos would find someone, and everything would be perfect. Because the heroine always found love in fairytales, and everyone always lives happily ever after.
But life isn't a fairytale. Somewhere along the way she'd forgotten that.
It still echoed in her mind sometimes: the sound of Andros screaming for Zhane, falling to his knees as he clutched at his head. The strangled noise he'd made, the way he'd pounded his fists against the ground. And then when the Silver Ranger had emerged from the Megaship, confused and focusing almost immediately on him, while Andros himself had sounded so desperately hopeful when he'd called his name again, as if afraid to believe he was actually there ...
There hadn't been time to think about it in the fighting, but then they'd gone to the bridge and Andros had practically glomped Zhane, who had squeezed back just as tightly ...
She thought she might have been the first to see it. Carlos hadn't been far behind, almost calculating in the look he gave them. Ashley had seemed puzzled by their easy affection, but genuinely happy for Andros to have someone he so clearly cared about returned to him. T.J. had been frowning, and at the time she hadn't been sure if he'd been confused, like Ashley, or had seen what she and Carlos had and wasn't okay with it.
She was glad to know she'd been wrong now, even if things weren't so easy at first. There had been a lot of confusion and misunderstanding in the beginning, with Zhane trying to encourage Andros' interest in Ashley and Andros unwilling to even look beyond the fact that Zhane was alive again. At some point their relationship had come out in the open - namely when Andros lost his temper and started yelling at Zhane for pushing him away in front of everyone, and Zhane had desperately tried to explain himself while the rest of them tried to figure out what in the world was going on - and T.J. and Ashley had both taken it badly. She and Carlos had leapt to the other's defense, Carlos insisting it wasn't anyone else's business what Zhane and Andros did behind closed doors, while she had been a firm believer that love couldn't be labeled.
And what Zhane and Andros had was love. Anyone could see that.
It was a fight that had nearly torn the team apart. Even now, she was amazed Astronema hadn't taken more advantage of it. Or that even what she *had* tried hadn't been enough to affect them in battle. Things were strained, stiff, but they had still managed to work as a team because by that point they'd been one for too long not to be. And they all knew that there were more important things at stake.
In the end, T.J. had come around. It wasn't so much that he'd been prejudiced they'd learned, but that he'd realized what a relationship between Andros and Zhane would do to Ashley. He was more upset that Andros had shown interest in her at all when he already had someone rather than what gender that person was. He hadn't wanted to see her hurt.
As for Ashley, she was too kind of a person to be judgmental for long. For her, it was more that Andros didn't love her the way she'd loved him. It had taken a lot of talking and coaxing, but between Cassie herself - and Zhane, surprisingly - they'd helped her to understand that wasn't the case at all.
Andros *had* been interested in Ashley. Genuinely. But he was also in love with Zhane. It seemed that on KO-35 polygamy wasn't something to be ashamed of; in fact it was rather common. (Zhane himself had been brought up with several parents, they'd learned later.) Andros wanted a relationship with *both* of them, and Zhane had been willing to give it a try.
Ashley hadn't.
It made sense, really. Ashley had grown up in a fairly traditional household. While she could learn to accept that the two were in love, and be happy for them, she wasn't willing to share her heart with more than one person.
Andros had been hurt, but he accepted her choice. He wasn't willing to give up Zhane, and Ashley agreed that she wouldn't have wanted him to. She loved him enough to want him to be happy.
Personally Cassie thought that Zhane had been relieved, even if he wouldn't admit it. She suspected he'd been secretly worried that Andros would choose to let him go and pursue Ashley instead. Two years was a long time, after all. And people changed.
But Andros didn't care about how much time had passed or how much he had or Zhane hadn't changed. And Zhane knew that now, which is what mattered.
Tears welled in her eyes, and she buried her face into the pillow in her arms. Why was she so upset over this? She'd given up on Phantom more than a year ago. She didn't want a relationship with someone she couldn't count on. She'd moved on. She *knew* she'd moved on.
" ... Cassie?"
She sniffled, refusing to look up at the soft voice from the doorway. It was sweet of him to come check on her, but it only made her feel worse. Guilty, maybe. Why was she crying over something she didn't even *want* anymore?
Because she *didn't* want Phantom. She didn't want a face she could never see. She didn't want a knight on a white horse, or fairytale romances and happy endings.
She wanted something real.
A hand squeezed her shoulder, and the bed shifted as he sat beside her. "That bad?" he murmured, moving to rub her back soothingly.
She shook her head, swallowing as she fought down a sob. "No," she managed at last. "He accepted it. And even if he hadn't, it wouldn't have changed my mind." She sniffed again, reaching up to rub at her eyes, but the tears wouldn't stop. "Sorry," she whispered, scrunching them shut again.
"For what?" He sounded genuinely puzzled, laying down beside her and moving to pull her close against his side. "You're allowed to grieve for first loves, you know."
She snorted wetly. He really was too understanding. Almost too perfect to be human sometimes. "I wasn't in love with him. Not really."
"But you thought you were." He kissed the top of her head, stroking her hair. "Sometimes that's enough."
"I was a silly little girl who thought romance was supposed to be love at first sight and someone who would protect me and take care of me," she retorted.
"Hey. You are *not* silly," he said sharply. "And you don't need anyone to protect you. You can do that just fine yourself. Even if you don't need to," he added after a pause.
She smiled a little. "No. But it's nice sometimes not to."
He made a noise of agreement, adjusting slightly to put his chin on her head. "And it gives Andros something to do. He'd feel useless if he didn't. And UselessAndros equals EmoAndros, and no one wants that."
She laughed, reaching up to swat his shoulder. "Leave him alone! You promised not to pick on him if he's not here, remember?"
"He did," came a second voice, sounding amused. "Unfortunately he already knew I was standing in the doorway."
"Which means I can pick on him all I want," he agreed, sounding smug.
She chuckled quietly, shaking her head a little. She was still a little teary, but it didn't hurt as much as before. Which she knew had been his entire goal.
The bed shifted again, and now there was another hand stroking her hair. "Why are you crying?" A pause, followed by a very suspicious. "He didn't hurt you, did he?"
She closed her eyes again, squeezing out more tears. "No, he didn't do anything."
Another pause, and she could almost picture them exchanging glances over her head. "And *that's* why you're crying?"
She opened her mouth to protest and stopped. " ... I don't know," she said slowly. "I just ... " She trailed off again, trying to put it into words.
"I thought ... When I met him, I thought I was in love. I thought I knew what love *was*. I thought we'd defeat Divatox and he'd come back to me and we'd be together and everything would be perfect. I thought that was how it was supposed to be. But it's not."
She knew better now. Love and romance had nothing to do with mysterious saviors. She didn't need a hero who could protect her, because she could save herself. True love wasn't about fire and adventure. It was about finding something you'd never known was missing in a place you'd never bothered to look. It was fitting together naturally, without anyone needing to change who they were. It was about warmth and contentment. It was about coming home at last.
She didn't want a fairytale anymore, and she didn't want perfection. She wanted someone she could argue with. She wanted someone she could have at her back, but also someone who wouldn't stand in her way. She wanted someone who would take her to the stars instead of leaving her behind. She wanted someone who was overprotective and brooding and had control issues, and someone who was hyperactive and overzealous and made a hobby out of driving everyone around him insane.
She wanted what Andros and Zhane had.
"I don't want a happy ending," she murmured at last. "I just want ... to be happy. To be loved."
It had been a horrible realization, knowing that she was jealous of two of her best friends, because they were head-over-heels in love and blissfully happy. They fit together like lightning and ice, but it didn't matter because somehow they still fit. It worked because they made it work. Because it wasn't something that *needed* work.
It just was, and it made her realize that she wanted that, too.
"Happy endings are overrated."
She blinked, looking up slowly.
Zhane's face was firm and oddly serious. "Happy endings are still endings. Endings mean nothing else happens. And if nothing else happens, how do you know you'll *stay* happy? It's still an ending. You can't make it any better than it is. You don't get to experience other kinds of happy."
His expression softened, and the look in his eyes was full of warmth and affection. "There are a lot of ways to find happiness, Cassie. And if you're busy focusing on how it's supposed to end, how can you see the beginning?"
"And you *are* loved," Andros added quietly. She turned enough to look at him over her shoulder, and was rewarded with equally affectionate gaze. "We love you." He hesitated. "Isn't that enough to be happy?"
Her eyes closed. When she opened them again, the tears had returned, but for an entirely different reason.
Romance in fairytales was drama and perfection. Zhane and Andros had made her see that true romance was drama and imperfection. You didn't need perfection to be happy, because perfection took work. Imperfection on the other hand, was accepting things just as they are.
Andros and Zhane were in love, and had been for years. That was something that would never change, and she, more than anyone, hoped to keep it that way. But the one thing that *did* change between them, was the fact that they had opened their hearts to allow her into theirs. And she was constantly amazed to be a part of that. A part of this.
She reached out to grab Andros' hand, squeezing tightly. The look on his face had become painfully vulnerable. "I've *never* been happier than I am right now," she said honestly, smiling through her tears. "I love both of you more than I ever thought I could love anyone."
The smile Andros gave her almost made her cry again.
The arms around her waist squeezed, and Zhane reached up to make her look back at him. "That's good," he informed her quietly. His own smile was just as breathtaking. "Let's see just how much happier we can get."
Akume: I think I just channeled you into a line. o.O
rosabelle: You did?
Akume: Zhane just said something very ... you.
rosabelle: He is me
Akume: Yes, but this is more You than I expected it to be. o.O
Title/: More Than a Fairytale
Author/: Tsukino Akume
Rating/: K
Warnings/: Angst! Threesomes! Unrequited love! Fluff!
Disclaimer/: Still don't own it.
Summary/: Love wasn't the fairytale Cassie used to think it was.
Author's Notes/: Strange, but true facts:
1) This is ALL rosabelle'S FAULT. And the CurtainficMeme's. But mainly rosabelle's.
2) The beginning of this was written in my pocket notebook while standing in a grocery store leaning over a shopping cart as I waited for someone. It was six mini-pages long at the time. (It was a very long wait, and I was very cold.)
3) Starbucks Java Chip ice cream is deadly to fanfiction. I'm still trying to decide if this is a good thing or not. But then, coffee and/or coffee ice cream in general is also deadly, so.
4) This fic was incredibly difficult to write after the sugar rush finally started to wear off. >.<++
"I'm sorry." She wasn't, but she said it anyway.
Phantom Ranger stared at her. She couldn't see his face to know what he was thinking, but his stance seemed somewhere between stunned and dejected. "Cassie ... I love you," he whispered, sounding broken.
"But I don't love you. Not anymore."
"Why ... ?"
She closed her eyes. She felt tired, frustrated. "Because you weren't there," she said at last. *They* would have understood. Why couldn't he understand her as well as they did? "And someone else was." She shrugged a little. It was cold, but true.
"I see," he murmured.
"I'm sorry," she repeated. It seemed appropriate.
He didn't move, but there was nothing else for her to say. "I have to go." She hesitated. She may not love him anymore - if she ever really had - but it still felt wrong to just leave him there. "Goodbye, Phantom."
She touched her morpher, and left him in a shower of sparkling pink.
****
She sprawled across her bed, closing her eyes as she moved to hug a pillow to her chest. She wasn't sad exactly, but she still hadn't wanted to hurt him. She'd needed to end whatever it was between them because it *had* to be done, because they both needed the closure. But that didn't stop the ache in her chest at the memory of the pain in his voice.
It wasn't that she hadn't *wanted* something with Phantom - at least at first. He'd saved her, time and again, without ever asking for anything in return. They'd somehow understood each other without her ever needing to see his face. She'd thought that he was her soulmate.
She'd been such a child back then.
She had been in love with the mystery of the Phantom Ranger. An armored knight coming to her rescue whenever she needed him most; it was practically a fairy tale come to life. The romantic drama of it all had been irresistible to a naive, lonely teenage girl.
Then had come the destruction of the Power Chamber, and her trip into space. There had been Andros, and Ashley's bright-eyed fascination with him even as he pushed her - pushed them all - away. It seemed inevitable that Ashley would break down his walls and win him over, and she would find Phantom and they would fall even more in love, and T.J. and Carlos would find someone, and everything would be perfect. Because the heroine always found love in fairytales, and everyone always lives happily ever after.
But life isn't a fairytale. Somewhere along the way she'd forgotten that.
It still echoed in her mind sometimes: the sound of Andros screaming for Zhane, falling to his knees as he clutched at his head. The strangled noise he'd made, the way he'd pounded his fists against the ground. And then when the Silver Ranger had emerged from the Megaship, confused and focusing almost immediately on him, while Andros himself had sounded so desperately hopeful when he'd called his name again, as if afraid to believe he was actually there ...
There hadn't been time to think about it in the fighting, but then they'd gone to the bridge and Andros had practically glomped Zhane, who had squeezed back just as tightly ...
She thought she might have been the first to see it. Carlos hadn't been far behind, almost calculating in the look he gave them. Ashley had seemed puzzled by their easy affection, but genuinely happy for Andros to have someone he so clearly cared about returned to him. T.J. had been frowning, and at the time she hadn't been sure if he'd been confused, like Ashley, or had seen what she and Carlos had and wasn't okay with it.
She was glad to know she'd been wrong now, even if things weren't so easy at first. There had been a lot of confusion and misunderstanding in the beginning, with Zhane trying to encourage Andros' interest in Ashley and Andros unwilling to even look beyond the fact that Zhane was alive again. At some point their relationship had come out in the open - namely when Andros lost his temper and started yelling at Zhane for pushing him away in front of everyone, and Zhane had desperately tried to explain himself while the rest of them tried to figure out what in the world was going on - and T.J. and Ashley had both taken it badly. She and Carlos had leapt to the other's defense, Carlos insisting it wasn't anyone else's business what Zhane and Andros did behind closed doors, while she had been a firm believer that love couldn't be labeled.
And what Zhane and Andros had was love. Anyone could see that.
It was a fight that had nearly torn the team apart. Even now, she was amazed Astronema hadn't taken more advantage of it. Or that even what she *had* tried hadn't been enough to affect them in battle. Things were strained, stiff, but they had still managed to work as a team because by that point they'd been one for too long not to be. And they all knew that there were more important things at stake.
In the end, T.J. had come around. It wasn't so much that he'd been prejudiced they'd learned, but that he'd realized what a relationship between Andros and Zhane would do to Ashley. He was more upset that Andros had shown interest in her at all when he already had someone rather than what gender that person was. He hadn't wanted to see her hurt.
As for Ashley, she was too kind of a person to be judgmental for long. For her, it was more that Andros didn't love her the way she'd loved him. It had taken a lot of talking and coaxing, but between Cassie herself - and Zhane, surprisingly - they'd helped her to understand that wasn't the case at all.
Andros *had* been interested in Ashley. Genuinely. But he was also in love with Zhane. It seemed that on KO-35 polygamy wasn't something to be ashamed of; in fact it was rather common. (Zhane himself had been brought up with several parents, they'd learned later.) Andros wanted a relationship with *both* of them, and Zhane had been willing to give it a try.
Ashley hadn't.
It made sense, really. Ashley had grown up in a fairly traditional household. While she could learn to accept that the two were in love, and be happy for them, she wasn't willing to share her heart with more than one person.
Andros had been hurt, but he accepted her choice. He wasn't willing to give up Zhane, and Ashley agreed that she wouldn't have wanted him to. She loved him enough to want him to be happy.
Personally Cassie thought that Zhane had been relieved, even if he wouldn't admit it. She suspected he'd been secretly worried that Andros would choose to let him go and pursue Ashley instead. Two years was a long time, after all. And people changed.
But Andros didn't care about how much time had passed or how much he had or Zhane hadn't changed. And Zhane knew that now, which is what mattered.
Tears welled in her eyes, and she buried her face into the pillow in her arms. Why was she so upset over this? She'd given up on Phantom more than a year ago. She didn't want a relationship with someone she couldn't count on. She'd moved on. She *knew* she'd moved on.
" ... Cassie?"
She sniffled, refusing to look up at the soft voice from the doorway. It was sweet of him to come check on her, but it only made her feel worse. Guilty, maybe. Why was she crying over something she didn't even *want* anymore?
Because she *didn't* want Phantom. She didn't want a face she could never see. She didn't want a knight on a white horse, or fairytale romances and happy endings.
She wanted something real.
A hand squeezed her shoulder, and the bed shifted as he sat beside her. "That bad?" he murmured, moving to rub her back soothingly.
She shook her head, swallowing as she fought down a sob. "No," she managed at last. "He accepted it. And even if he hadn't, it wouldn't have changed my mind." She sniffed again, reaching up to rub at her eyes, but the tears wouldn't stop. "Sorry," she whispered, scrunching them shut again.
"For what?" He sounded genuinely puzzled, laying down beside her and moving to pull her close against his side. "You're allowed to grieve for first loves, you know."
She snorted wetly. He really was too understanding. Almost too perfect to be human sometimes. "I wasn't in love with him. Not really."
"But you thought you were." He kissed the top of her head, stroking her hair. "Sometimes that's enough."
"I was a silly little girl who thought romance was supposed to be love at first sight and someone who would protect me and take care of me," she retorted.
"Hey. You are *not* silly," he said sharply. "And you don't need anyone to protect you. You can do that just fine yourself. Even if you don't need to," he added after a pause.
She smiled a little. "No. But it's nice sometimes not to."
He made a noise of agreement, adjusting slightly to put his chin on her head. "And it gives Andros something to do. He'd feel useless if he didn't. And UselessAndros equals EmoAndros, and no one wants that."
She laughed, reaching up to swat his shoulder. "Leave him alone! You promised not to pick on him if he's not here, remember?"
"He did," came a second voice, sounding amused. "Unfortunately he already knew I was standing in the doorway."
"Which means I can pick on him all I want," he agreed, sounding smug.
She chuckled quietly, shaking her head a little. She was still a little teary, but it didn't hurt as much as before. Which she knew had been his entire goal.
The bed shifted again, and now there was another hand stroking her hair. "Why are you crying?" A pause, followed by a very suspicious. "He didn't hurt you, did he?"
She closed her eyes again, squeezing out more tears. "No, he didn't do anything."
Another pause, and she could almost picture them exchanging glances over her head. "And *that's* why you're crying?"
She opened her mouth to protest and stopped. " ... I don't know," she said slowly. "I just ... " She trailed off again, trying to put it into words.
"I thought ... When I met him, I thought I was in love. I thought I knew what love *was*. I thought we'd defeat Divatox and he'd come back to me and we'd be together and everything would be perfect. I thought that was how it was supposed to be. But it's not."
She knew better now. Love and romance had nothing to do with mysterious saviors. She didn't need a hero who could protect her, because she could save herself. True love wasn't about fire and adventure. It was about finding something you'd never known was missing in a place you'd never bothered to look. It was fitting together naturally, without anyone needing to change who they were. It was about warmth and contentment. It was about coming home at last.
She didn't want a fairytale anymore, and she didn't want perfection. She wanted someone she could argue with. She wanted someone she could have at her back, but also someone who wouldn't stand in her way. She wanted someone who would take her to the stars instead of leaving her behind. She wanted someone who was overprotective and brooding and had control issues, and someone who was hyperactive and overzealous and made a hobby out of driving everyone around him insane.
She wanted what Andros and Zhane had.
"I don't want a happy ending," she murmured at last. "I just want ... to be happy. To be loved."
It had been a horrible realization, knowing that she was jealous of two of her best friends, because they were head-over-heels in love and blissfully happy. They fit together like lightning and ice, but it didn't matter because somehow they still fit. It worked because they made it work. Because it wasn't something that *needed* work.
It just was, and it made her realize that she wanted that, too.
"Happy endings are overrated."
She blinked, looking up slowly.
Zhane's face was firm and oddly serious. "Happy endings are still endings. Endings mean nothing else happens. And if nothing else happens, how do you know you'll *stay* happy? It's still an ending. You can't make it any better than it is. You don't get to experience other kinds of happy."
His expression softened, and the look in his eyes was full of warmth and affection. "There are a lot of ways to find happiness, Cassie. And if you're busy focusing on how it's supposed to end, how can you see the beginning?"
"And you *are* loved," Andros added quietly. She turned enough to look at him over her shoulder, and was rewarded with equally affectionate gaze. "We love you." He hesitated. "Isn't that enough to be happy?"
Her eyes closed. When she opened them again, the tears had returned, but for an entirely different reason.
Romance in fairytales was drama and perfection. Zhane and Andros had made her see that true romance was drama and imperfection. You didn't need perfection to be happy, because perfection took work. Imperfection on the other hand, was accepting things just as they are.
Andros and Zhane were in love, and had been for years. That was something that would never change, and she, more than anyone, hoped to keep it that way. But the one thing that *did* change between them, was the fact that they had opened their hearts to allow her into theirs. And she was constantly amazed to be a part of that. A part of this.
She reached out to grab Andros' hand, squeezing tightly. The look on his face had become painfully vulnerable. "I've *never* been happier than I am right now," she said honestly, smiling through her tears. "I love both of you more than I ever thought I could love anyone."
The smile Andros gave her almost made her cry again.
The arms around her waist squeezed, and Zhane reached up to make her look back at him. "That's good," he informed her quietly. His own smile was just as breathtaking. "Let's see just how much happier we can get."