(no subject)
So, still in pain. Still breathing. Mostly. Been playing lots of Sims: Medieval because I can be mean to people and try not to think about how much pain I'm actually in. So I'm not necessarily ignoring everyone; it's just that when I'm hurting/in a bad mood, I don't like inflicting it on others. It's a quirk I have.
Upon talking to my Shi-chan last night, she convinced me that I need to call my doctor's office today about what's going on and ask if I should be making an appointment, or going straight to the ER. I promised her I would, which I'm gonna do in about half an hour.
I feel kind of stupid about it, to be honest. I mean, calling to say 'Is this problem serious enough that I should go to a hospital, or should I just wait until you can see me?' seems kind of ... yeah. Like, if it's bad enough that you're considering the ER, why are you asking? The reason I'm torn is that I'm not like, having OMG-*EMERGENCY*-type pain. But I'm fairly certain that whatever it is will require tests, and it's like, why bother going to the doctor and waiting around to be sent off to other places, when I can get them all done at once? But, again ...
I don't know. I guess I just don't like the idea of cluttering up the ER. Or asking Ruby to take me there, when the only hospital that I really trust is kind of far and out of the way. Although the prospect of office/medication co-pays is also more than slightly daunting right now, no matter how cheap. >.<
I've also realized that I have trained my brain to tell myself that I'm overracting to pain. I woke up this morning and immediately had tears in my eyes just while laying in bed, because it hurt that bad. I got up to take a shower 'cause if I'm going to have to see anyone in the medical profession anytime soon, I'm sure they'd appreciate it if I was clean. I keep thinking 'Hey, I made it through a whole shower without having my knees give out like they tried to yesterday. It can't be *that* bad. Yeah, I had tears in my eyes most of the time, and my feet almost went out from under me when I got out, but that's 'cause wet feet and tile don't mix. I was breathing a little heavier by the time I got done getting dressed and it hurt like hell trying to raise my leg to put on my shorts, but hey, I *can* do it.'
-Sighs-
Part of the problem is that I've tried to go to doctors about this before - although back then the lumps were just in my hands, once in my ankles too. The first doctor said it was just carpal tunnel, and the other one claimed it was edema. Either way, they told me I was making a big deal over nothing.
What my left hand looked like as of last Thursday:
Unfortunately, while those pictures are from almost a week ago, my hand has not gotten any better in the least. I've had occasional tingling and sudden spikes of pain in my wrists, mostly in my left hand. Walking has gotten to the point of shuffling, and when I attempted to stand up straight this morning, it actually hurt my *spine* in my lower back.
You know that pain scale they ask you for? 1-10, with 10 being excrutiating? I've always been a big baby about pain, so I usually consider it to be an 8 when I'm actually crying (10 would be screaming).
I've been at a consistent 6-7 for about three or four days now. The only reason I'm not calling it an 8 is because I haven't *actually* started crying, even though I've wanted to. Today, I'd say I'm bordering an 8 when I stand, because I usually have tears in my eyes again when I do.
-Glances at clock- Well, I still feel like I'm being stupid, but at least it's about time to call my doctor's office. Guess I'll go from there.
* ETA: Called my doctor's office. They told me (kind of hesitantly) that I should probably go to the ER, since they'll need to do lots of tests to figure out what's going on. -Sighs- So I get to spend my day hanging out in the waiting room. Yay. >.O
Upon talking to my Shi-chan last night, she convinced me that I need to call my doctor's office today about what's going on and ask if I should be making an appointment, or going straight to the ER. I promised her I would, which I'm gonna do in about half an hour.
I feel kind of stupid about it, to be honest. I mean, calling to say 'Is this problem serious enough that I should go to a hospital, or should I just wait until you can see me?' seems kind of ... yeah. Like, if it's bad enough that you're considering the ER, why are you asking? The reason I'm torn is that I'm not like, having OMG-*EMERGENCY*-type pain. But I'm fairly certain that whatever it is will require tests, and it's like, why bother going to the doctor and waiting around to be sent off to other places, when I can get them all done at once? But, again ...
I don't know. I guess I just don't like the idea of cluttering up the ER. Or asking Ruby to take me there, when the only hospital that I really trust is kind of far and out of the way. Although the prospect of office/medication co-pays is also more than slightly daunting right now, no matter how cheap. >.<
I've also realized that I have trained my brain to tell myself that I'm overracting to pain. I woke up this morning and immediately had tears in my eyes just while laying in bed, because it hurt that bad. I got up to take a shower 'cause if I'm going to have to see anyone in the medical profession anytime soon, I'm sure they'd appreciate it if I was clean. I keep thinking 'Hey, I made it through a whole shower without having my knees give out like they tried to yesterday. It can't be *that* bad. Yeah, I had tears in my eyes most of the time, and my feet almost went out from under me when I got out, but that's 'cause wet feet and tile don't mix. I was breathing a little heavier by the time I got done getting dressed and it hurt like hell trying to raise my leg to put on my shorts, but hey, I *can* do it.'
-Sighs-
Part of the problem is that I've tried to go to doctors about this before - although back then the lumps were just in my hands, once in my ankles too. The first doctor said it was just carpal tunnel, and the other one claimed it was edema. Either way, they told me I was making a big deal over nothing.
What my left hand looked like as of last Thursday:
Unfortunately, while those pictures are from almost a week ago, my hand has not gotten any better in the least. I've had occasional tingling and sudden spikes of pain in my wrists, mostly in my left hand. Walking has gotten to the point of shuffling, and when I attempted to stand up straight this morning, it actually hurt my *spine* in my lower back.
You know that pain scale they ask you for? 1-10, with 10 being excrutiating? I've always been a big baby about pain, so I usually consider it to be an 8 when I'm actually crying (10 would be screaming).
I've been at a consistent 6-7 for about three or four days now. The only reason I'm not calling it an 8 is because I haven't *actually* started crying, even though I've wanted to. Today, I'd say I'm bordering an 8 when I stand, because I usually have tears in my eyes again when I do.
-Glances at clock- Well, I still feel like I'm being stupid, but at least it's about time to call my doctor's office. Guess I'll go from there.
* ETA: Called my doctor's office. They told me (kind of hesitantly) that I should probably go to the ER, since they'll need to do lots of tests to figure out what's going on. -Sighs- So I get to spend my day hanging out in the waiting room. Yay. >.O