Spamfic: The Trial Of Clow.
Charles Lutwidge Dodgson, otherwise known as Lewis Carroll, was born on January 27th, 1832.
I'm so, so sorry.
Whock. Whock.
"Order in the court!" the judge hollered, and the jury box rose in cheers. Sakura couldn't make out any of their features, but they all looked familiar somehow. So did the herald, who ran about shushing the jury-box, and Sakura realized that he was Terada-sensei, wearing full leather armour and brandishing a megaphone.
"Order! I said order!" The judge slapped the large trout she was holding a couple more times onto the wood, and then stared at it as though she had never seen a fish before.
Sakura felt that some comment was warranted at this time. "Um... Nakuru-san?"
"What? Who said that?" Nakuru peered in Sakura's direction. "Oh, it's you." She tossed the trout away, and searched around for a gavel. Finding none, she settled for a wooden flamingo. "Order! Clerk, what's our business today?"
Tomoyo gracefully stood, carefully adjusting her bunny ears. She extracted a scroll from thin air, unrolled it, and read:
"The King of Clow, as we know
Made a grand confession.
He made it so the Cards of Clow
Are in the next dimension."
"A serious charge!" Nakuru said, mugging furiously. She turned to the jury. "Consider your verdict."
"Not yet!" Terada-sensei yelled through the megaphone; Sakura clapped her hands over her ears. "You've got to call witnesses first!"
"Do I have to?" Nakuru pouted. "All right then." She smacked the flamingo on the table. "Call the first witness."
"First witness!" Terada-sensei shouted.
This was Touya Kinomoto. He stood in the witness box, glared at everyone, and crossed his arms.
"Give your testimony, and be quick about it," Nakuru commanded.
"No," Touya stated.
"No?" Nakuru turned to Tomoyo. "He said no."
Tomoyo nodded amiably. "That he did."
"Why did he have to say no?" Nakuru said in a much-aggrieved tone. Louder, "Hang him! But save his head."
Sakura jumped to her feet. "Wait a minute! You can't hang my brother!"
"I can't?" Nakuru waved the flamingo. "Very well then, send him to my chambers."
"Objection!"
Sakura turned, as Yue strode into the courtroom, his robes flowing and billowing dramatically. "Objection, Your Most Dubious Honour," he repeated, planting himself firmly in front of the judicial box. "This is absolute nonsense!"
Tomoyo smiled at the jurors. "Please write that down," she said. They did.
Nakuru pointed at Touya with her flamingo. "How long have you known him?"
Yue considered this. "Seventeen years," he decided.
"Eighteen," Touya opined.
"Nineteen," Tomoyo added.
The jurors bent their heads in unison, and wrote down all three numbers. Then they added them up, multiplied the result by the Planck constant, converted it into yen, and added tax.
"Fair enough," Nakuru said. "Take them away! And next witness, please."
"Second witness!" Terada-sensei shouted, as Sakura gaped at the speed at which Yue and Touya had vacated the courtroom.
Li Meiling waved confidently at the jurors. The jurors waved holly back.
"What do you know about this case?" Nakuru demanded.
"Absolutely nothing," Meiling replied.
"Absolutely nothing?"
"Absolutely nothing."
"Well then, what about Clow Reed?"
Meiling shrugged. "I can sing about him."
"Oh, good." Nakuru gestured to the jurors, who all produced varying instruments. "Go ahead."
"'You are old, Mr. Clow, we say once more
In fact, nobody knows your age.
We guess it is between two and eleventy-four
Tell us, are we on the right page?'
'In my youth,' said Clow, 'I made a deal.'
And he smiled an enigmatic smile.
'Death is very bad at Scrabble, I feel
It seems I will be here a while.'
'You are learned, Mr. Clow, and your magical powers
Produced and prevented ruin and rot.
But has there ever been, in your many hours
Where magic has assisted you not?'
'In my youth, I learned tricks and snitches,'
Said the magician, inspecting his nails.
'But then I ran afoul of bad-tempered witches
So that is where diplomacy fails.'
'You are wise, Mr. Clow, and the Cards that you made
Give us many prizes and perks
But now we find our physics disobeyed
Pray, tell us how it all works.'
'In my youth,' he said, 'I pondered this question,
Repeated for each and every Card.
But soon I followed a very good suggestion
Just don't think about it too hard.'
'You are powerful, Mr. Clow, and they say
That you are wonderfully kind and caring.
But we are unmagical in every possible way
Pray, would you terribly mind sharing?'
'Stop! Enough of this!' cried Clow Reed,
'This questioning will go forever, I fear!
I answered three questions; what more do you need?
That's it; I want my lawyer here!'"
"Well sung, Li Meiling, well sung," Nakuru applauded. Feeling that this was somewhat lacking, she pounded the flamingo on the gavel rest. "Very well sung! Oh, it broke," she said, looking sadly at the flamingo.
"Here you go," Tomoyo said, handing her the Sealing Wand.
"Oh, perfect!" Thump, thump. "Next witness, please!"
"Third witness!" Terada-sensei shouted. "Kinomoto Sakura!"
"Hoe?" Sakura stood up, and bumped her head against the ceiling. "Ow!"
The assembly looked up at her. "All persons in the courtroom larger than the courthouse must leave immediately," Nakuru stated. "Rule eighty-four."
"I'm not that big yet!" Sakura protested.
"Yet," Nakuru said ominously. She rapped the Sealing Wand. "First question! What... is your name?"
"Hoe? It's Kinomoto Sakura..."
"Are you sure?" Tomoyo asked. "You do look a bit big to be Sakura-chan..."
"T... Tomoyo-chan?"
Tomoyo suddenly smiled. "But no matter how big you are, you're still my Sakura-chan!"
"That's right!" Nakuru declared. "You're Sakura!"
"Sakura! Sakura!" The jury-box overturned as the jurors piled out, chanting. "Sakura! Sakura! Sakura!"
"Hoooeeee?!"
"Sakura! Sakura! Sakura! Sakura..."
*****
"... Sakura? Sakura!"
"Hoe!" Sakura sat bolt upright in her bed. "K-Kero-chan!"
"What's the matter? You were tossing and turning in your sleep..."
"It was... only a dream?"
"A dream? That could be important! What did you dream about?"
"... actually, Kero-chan, I don't think this one has anything to do with the future."
I'm so, so sorry.
Whock. Whock.
"Order in the court!" the judge hollered, and the jury box rose in cheers. Sakura couldn't make out any of their features, but they all looked familiar somehow. So did the herald, who ran about shushing the jury-box, and Sakura realized that he was Terada-sensei, wearing full leather armour and brandishing a megaphone.
"Order! I said order!" The judge slapped the large trout she was holding a couple more times onto the wood, and then stared at it as though she had never seen a fish before.
Sakura felt that some comment was warranted at this time. "Um... Nakuru-san?"
"What? Who said that?" Nakuru peered in Sakura's direction. "Oh, it's you." She tossed the trout away, and searched around for a gavel. Finding none, she settled for a wooden flamingo. "Order! Clerk, what's our business today?"
Tomoyo gracefully stood, carefully adjusting her bunny ears. She extracted a scroll from thin air, unrolled it, and read:
"The King of Clow, as we know
Made a grand confession.
He made it so the Cards of Clow
Are in the next dimension."
"A serious charge!" Nakuru said, mugging furiously. She turned to the jury. "Consider your verdict."
"Not yet!" Terada-sensei yelled through the megaphone; Sakura clapped her hands over her ears. "You've got to call witnesses first!"
"Do I have to?" Nakuru pouted. "All right then." She smacked the flamingo on the table. "Call the first witness."
"First witness!" Terada-sensei shouted.
This was Touya Kinomoto. He stood in the witness box, glared at everyone, and crossed his arms.
"Give your testimony, and be quick about it," Nakuru commanded.
"No," Touya stated.
"No?" Nakuru turned to Tomoyo. "He said no."
Tomoyo nodded amiably. "That he did."
"Why did he have to say no?" Nakuru said in a much-aggrieved tone. Louder, "Hang him! But save his head."
Sakura jumped to her feet. "Wait a minute! You can't hang my brother!"
"I can't?" Nakuru waved the flamingo. "Very well then, send him to my chambers."
"Objection!"
Sakura turned, as Yue strode into the courtroom, his robes flowing and billowing dramatically. "Objection, Your Most Dubious Honour," he repeated, planting himself firmly in front of the judicial box. "This is absolute nonsense!"
Tomoyo smiled at the jurors. "Please write that down," she said. They did.
Nakuru pointed at Touya with her flamingo. "How long have you known him?"
Yue considered this. "Seventeen years," he decided.
"Eighteen," Touya opined.
"Nineteen," Tomoyo added.
The jurors bent their heads in unison, and wrote down all three numbers. Then they added them up, multiplied the result by the Planck constant, converted it into yen, and added tax.
"Fair enough," Nakuru said. "Take them away! And next witness, please."
"Second witness!" Terada-sensei shouted, as Sakura gaped at the speed at which Yue and Touya had vacated the courtroom.
Li Meiling waved confidently at the jurors. The jurors waved holly back.
"What do you know about this case?" Nakuru demanded.
"Absolutely nothing," Meiling replied.
"Absolutely nothing?"
"Absolutely nothing."
"Well then, what about Clow Reed?"
Meiling shrugged. "I can sing about him."
"Oh, good." Nakuru gestured to the jurors, who all produced varying instruments. "Go ahead."
"'You are old, Mr. Clow, we say once more
In fact, nobody knows your age.
We guess it is between two and eleventy-four
Tell us, are we on the right page?'
'In my youth,' said Clow, 'I made a deal.'
And he smiled an enigmatic smile.
'Death is very bad at Scrabble, I feel
It seems I will be here a while.'
'You are learned, Mr. Clow, and your magical powers
Produced and prevented ruin and rot.
But has there ever been, in your many hours
Where magic has assisted you not?'
'In my youth, I learned tricks and snitches,'
Said the magician, inspecting his nails.
'But then I ran afoul of bad-tempered witches
So that is where diplomacy fails.'
'You are wise, Mr. Clow, and the Cards that you made
Give us many prizes and perks
But now we find our physics disobeyed
Pray, tell us how it all works.'
'In my youth,' he said, 'I pondered this question,
Repeated for each and every Card.
But soon I followed a very good suggestion
Just don't think about it too hard.'
'You are powerful, Mr. Clow, and they say
That you are wonderfully kind and caring.
But we are unmagical in every possible way
Pray, would you terribly mind sharing?'
'Stop! Enough of this!' cried Clow Reed,
'This questioning will go forever, I fear!
I answered three questions; what more do you need?
That's it; I want my lawyer here!'"
"Well sung, Li Meiling, well sung," Nakuru applauded. Feeling that this was somewhat lacking, she pounded the flamingo on the gavel rest. "Very well sung! Oh, it broke," she said, looking sadly at the flamingo.
"Here you go," Tomoyo said, handing her the Sealing Wand.
"Oh, perfect!" Thump, thump. "Next witness, please!"
"Third witness!" Terada-sensei shouted. "Kinomoto Sakura!"
"Hoe?" Sakura stood up, and bumped her head against the ceiling. "Ow!"
The assembly looked up at her. "All persons in the courtroom larger than the courthouse must leave immediately," Nakuru stated. "Rule eighty-four."
"I'm not that big yet!" Sakura protested.
"Yet," Nakuru said ominously. She rapped the Sealing Wand. "First question! What... is your name?"
"Hoe? It's Kinomoto Sakura..."
"Are you sure?" Tomoyo asked. "You do look a bit big to be Sakura-chan..."
"T... Tomoyo-chan?"
Tomoyo suddenly smiled. "But no matter how big you are, you're still my Sakura-chan!"
"That's right!" Nakuru declared. "You're Sakura!"
"Sakura! Sakura!" The jury-box overturned as the jurors piled out, chanting. "Sakura! Sakura! Sakura!"
"Hoooeeee?!"
"Sakura! Sakura! Sakura! Sakura..."
*****
"... Sakura? Sakura!"
"Hoe!" Sakura sat bolt upright in her bed. "K-Kero-chan!"
"What's the matter? You were tossing and turning in your sleep..."
"It was... only a dream?"
"A dream? That could be important! What did you dream about?"
"... actually, Kero-chan, I don't think this one has anything to do with the future."