Feeling a little emo, hope no one minds...
So things have been really kinda shitty lately.
Been thinking a lot about what I want to do with my life. And, you know, if science is really the right thing for me. I've really been missing all the art stuff I used to do, and when I went through those chem and bio finals, I hated every part of those subjects, and I really can't see myself doing bio ten years down the line.
A while back I decided that I would be willing to sacrifice my happiness in order to be successful. I thought, "Hey, I like science, and I'm pretty decent with it... Why not try it for a career?"
That was the wrong way to think.
I've always, for as far back as I can remember, wanted to design clothes. My mum even has scrap books from when I was like 4 of things I would draw, and It's all clothes.
So I came to a decision.
I'm going to take a semester off, build up some savings, and apply for business school. I'll go to a two or four year school and work towards getting a job as a buyer or marketer for a company like H&M or TJX, or something. I'll also take art classes over breaks and summer at Rhode Island Institute of Art and Mass College of Art. I'll work towards becoming what I've always dreamed of becoming, and try to achieve some level of happiness.
Of course, my parents are totally against this. It's not the persuing my dreams, or doing art part, it's the taking a semester off. But I really really don't what to go back to MCLA. I don't think they realized how miserable I was there. Sure there were good times, but for every day that was good, three were bad. That school also doesn't have a good business program and is to far away for me. I remember those first two months of just sitting around in my room alone, I can't even count the number of times I though I was better off dead. Miserable is a strong word, but that's really how I was, and I really don't want to go back. Sure I made some awesome friends there, but they'll never be as good as the ones I have here, and no amount of people could ever make up for the absense of John. It's just not the right school for me. I feel like I'd do better In some big school were I could just go to class and then go home after.
Of course, my parents don't seem to understand all that either. And you wouldn't beileve how frequently they whip out the "You're the first one, out of both our families, to go to college" line. and the "We're so proud that you're going to college, just don't end up like that cousin of yours and drop out."
God, I just can't handle it! I want to shoot them! Even If I go back, I'm mostly likely going to drop most of my classes and pick up different ones to avoid the science!!!
I don't even think I was really ready for college anyways! I can take care of myself just fine, of course. I've been cooking and cleaning and taking care of myself since middle school, but being away too makes it so different! I miss home all the time! I miss John, and Casper, and Lani, and Mum and Dad, and Lily and Loki, and Angel, and Ace and Vivi, and just everything about home!
I really think, and hope, the way this will work out, Is I go to school monday, get all my stuff, and leave. I've even gotten applications for jobs already! I just can't leave home. I can't do it again. It's just to hard for me. I'm not as strong as mum and dad seem to think.
Well, send me support! Hopefully things will work out and I'll be working at a new job in a week...
Love to all
Love to John
-Fiona Out
Been thinking a lot about what I want to do with my life. And, you know, if science is really the right thing for me. I've really been missing all the art stuff I used to do, and when I went through those chem and bio finals, I hated every part of those subjects, and I really can't see myself doing bio ten years down the line.
A while back I decided that I would be willing to sacrifice my happiness in order to be successful. I thought, "Hey, I like science, and I'm pretty decent with it... Why not try it for a career?"
That was the wrong way to think.
I've always, for as far back as I can remember, wanted to design clothes. My mum even has scrap books from when I was like 4 of things I would draw, and It's all clothes.
So I came to a decision.
I'm going to take a semester off, build up some savings, and apply for business school. I'll go to a two or four year school and work towards getting a job as a buyer or marketer for a company like H&M or TJX, or something. I'll also take art classes over breaks and summer at Rhode Island Institute of Art and Mass College of Art. I'll work towards becoming what I've always dreamed of becoming, and try to achieve some level of happiness.
Of course, my parents are totally against this. It's not the persuing my dreams, or doing art part, it's the taking a semester off. But I really really don't what to go back to MCLA. I don't think they realized how miserable I was there. Sure there were good times, but for every day that was good, three were bad. That school also doesn't have a good business program and is to far away for me. I remember those first two months of just sitting around in my room alone, I can't even count the number of times I though I was better off dead. Miserable is a strong word, but that's really how I was, and I really don't want to go back. Sure I made some awesome friends there, but they'll never be as good as the ones I have here, and no amount of people could ever make up for the absense of John. It's just not the right school for me. I feel like I'd do better In some big school were I could just go to class and then go home after.
Of course, my parents don't seem to understand all that either. And you wouldn't beileve how frequently they whip out the "You're the first one, out of both our families, to go to college" line. and the "We're so proud that you're going to college, just don't end up like that cousin of yours and drop out."
God, I just can't handle it! I want to shoot them! Even If I go back, I'm mostly likely going to drop most of my classes and pick up different ones to avoid the science!!!
I don't even think I was really ready for college anyways! I can take care of myself just fine, of course. I've been cooking and cleaning and taking care of myself since middle school, but being away too makes it so different! I miss home all the time! I miss John, and Casper, and Lani, and Mum and Dad, and Lily and Loki, and Angel, and Ace and Vivi, and just everything about home!
I really think, and hope, the way this will work out, Is I go to school monday, get all my stuff, and leave. I've even gotten applications for jobs already! I just can't leave home. I can't do it again. It's just to hard for me. I'm not as strong as mum and dad seem to think.
Well, send me support! Hopefully things will work out and I'll be working at a new job in a week...
Love to all
Love to John
-Fiona Out