let it fffflowww

[tsuki_sei]

yesterday evening was so nice, but i'm quite worried that i said something incredibly embarassing, or did something to make a fool of myself. eric told me that i brought something up that i shouldn't have... & that makes me feel terrible. i would not want to hurt his feelings, i love him more than anything. but, alas, i did appologize & promise i wouldn't do it again, therefore... i will not. but yes, we had a lovely evening, & my head was busy with thoughts as it still is. i feel like i want to do a multitude of things, but i do not know which thing i want to do exactly. i want to give myself bangs... as in cut my hair, but i don't want to fuck that up, because i can't hide that. i want to go to the salvation army, but what if eric calls? i promised myself i'd let him call me because he's all the way in rehoboth, doing his work that he has to do, & i'm here typing, & he just doesn't want to be interupted from doing his work just to have me tell him "i'll call YOU when i get back from the salvation army, since that will take me a while" so i will just wait, & maybe remove the clutter from my room, it's not flowing enough, i feel boxed in. i want to remove all the unnecessary trash from everywhere in here, & expand the box that is this room. ARGHHHHHHHH. i want to paint, but i left my supplies at SMARTS. i could watercolour paint & do this really great piece i've been thinking of... hmmm, doesn't sound like a bad idea, i think i'll change & go do that. but ohhhhhhhhh, i didn't sleep for very long last night, went to bed at 3... i am SO tired. i feel like being silly now. this is most definitely stream of consciousness. UGH.. i love him. he's at the peak of my mind right now, but so is creating. i would love a ball of firing clay to just sculpt right now. i need a picture of a brain, & a picture of a tricycle. i need to find those things for me portfolio. i think i will go do that.

<3<3<3
nicole