would you like some cheese with the seasonal whine?

Nov 15, 2005 13:44

i got my hair cut this morning, so i don't look so much like a poodle any more, and if i do, it's a poodle with a haircut. or a cocker spaniel with a dye job.

you remember that meme that was "raise your hand and i'll tell you what song/movie/animal/etc reminds me of you"? eudaimon said once i reminded her of a spaniel. and i just nodded to myself and thought "yeah, that's about right...." floppy. well, now floppy and curly. soon to be mostly frizzy.

i still hate my hair. i don't care that everyone else likes it and that some people would kill to have it. even my stylist, who i like, don't get me wrong, refuses to cut it off. and i'm continually annoyed with myself that THIS is what ticks me off, that i hate my hair. i can't get annoyed about something worth getting annoyed about, you know?

also i'm hungry but i don't want to eat the lunch i brought - roast beast on whole wheat - but that's just some free-floating dissatisfaction and has nothing to do with anything. i think once i get the mail and buy something to drink i'll be ok with it.

have i mentioned how much i hate november? i do. i have for a long time. october? not too bad, leaves turn colors, you get halloween. december? firmly winter, i can deal. but november, eh. even tho my birthday's in it and i kind of like getting taken out to dinner and occasionally receiving the really nifty presents, and i like thanksgiving. maybe it's the weather. it's dark, you know? and damp. the fact that it was spring for three days is an aberration.

(that's my other new favorite word - "aberration.")

i've been feeling sort of weirdly disconnected, like people are unconsciously distancing themselves from me. not that they're doing it on purpose because they don't like me, not that i've actively pissed them off, just that there's something or someone much shinier and more interesting, or just newer, and i don't ping their radar any more. it doesn't occur to them to say hi unless i poke them hard enough to remind them i'm still here. i know this is the way of the world and i know i do it too, and i apologize to them as have watched me wander off, but if you don't mind i don't need suggestions as to how i can fix it.

i'll be 36 in a week, and you'd think by now i'd have learned that a. most of the time it really is better to keep your mouth shut, but also b. don't wait to ask a question/say something flattering/tell someone your idea/send in the goddamn application, c. no one will believe you when you tell them you think they're a better writer than you, even tho you honestly think they are, and d. you will never have any more of clue what you're doing now than you did a year ago.

i'm not even sure what my point is. i do know that if someone showed up with an electric clippers, i'd pay them to shave my head.

hair, self-pity

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