LJ Idol, Season 11 - Week 13
Title: Disrespect in the Goddess's Service
Topic: fan death
When I was of an appropriate age, I pledged myself to the service of the hunter goddess, steward of the land, protector of both unmarried girls and those fierce old women whose husbands have passed on, leaving them free to embrace their most honest selves. I had no greater wish than to run and to hunt with my sworn sisters, reveling in our freedom to roam the fields and forest under bright sunshine and cloudy days alike.
My particular band was led by a woman I grew to love and respect, a woman I held in the highest esteem. She taught us to hunt and to worship, to honor each other and the goddess above all. Our leader had been with neither man nor woman in all her adult life, keeping her body untouched as the goddess requires. She was the model for how my sworn sisters and I should conduct ourselves, not just as girls in service to the hunter goddess, but as the women we would eventually grow into, and she was all I ever wanted to be.
We all swear an oath that we will not know any man while we are in the goddess's service. Some girls leave so they can marry. Some are told to go. One of the girls in my band gave herself to a young man after a festival celebration, and when our leader discovered this, she told the girl to leave. It was not just that this girl had shared her body with another, but that when confronted, she showed no regret and no shame for the way she had defied one of the obediences that the leader of our band, and through her the goddess, demanded.
I lived my life hunting in the company of my sworn sisters, submitting to the leadership and guidance of the woman I admired, until one day one of my sworn sisters, a girl I had known since we were small children, came to us crying. She had been attacked, she said, by one of the men in her town. He wanted her, she put him off, he insisted, she said no. He chased, she ran. He caught her, pushed her down, took what he wanted by force.
She had only approached a few of us, too afraid of our leader's reaction to bring it to the entire band. We were appalled at the way she had been used and tried to comfort her. She and I had been friends most of our lives, and I believed what she told us, for I knew her well enough to know she would not lie about something like this, and I knew enough of the world to understand that men sometimes take what they want whether it is freely given or not.
These were not the same circumstances under which that other girl was asked to leave the band, and we encouraged this girl, our terrified sister, to confess to our leader what had happened to her. She had not consented to that man. She was full of regrets and shame for something that was not her fault, and we thought she would receive comfort and perhaps even vengeance from the hunter goddess, as enacted through the leader of our band.
But it was not so. Our leader, the woman who taught us and led us and showed us the way to be, denounced our sworn sister in front of the entire band and demanded she leave the goddess's service. I tried to plead with our leader - I, a mere acolyte - tried to explain that my sworn sister was distraught and full of remorse, that she had only ever wanted to serve the hunter goddess the way the goddess demanded, and that punishment should instead be meted out to the man who had forced himself upon her.
The answer was still no. My sworn sister was made to leave. And our leader, the woman I loved and admired above all, the woman after whom I had tried to model my thoughts and actions and worship - she was revealed to me as too unbending, too unfeeling for me to respect, much less follow.
It was some time before I was able to leave, for my service to the hunter goddess meant everything to me, and I had to weigh my devotion to her against my growing disdain for the way the leader of our band guided us. But eventually I came to realize I could no longer follow a woman who would refuse one of her sworn daughters the comfort she deserved. I miss my sworn sisters and the way we would run and hunt and celebrate our goddess, but I have continued to worship in my own way, and I will always be her faithful follower, even if I could not follow the woman who would lead me as her proxy.
Topic: fan death
When I was of an appropriate age, I pledged myself to the service of the hunter goddess, steward of the land, protector of both unmarried girls and those fierce old women whose husbands have passed on, leaving them free to embrace their most honest selves. I had no greater wish than to run and to hunt with my sworn sisters, reveling in our freedom to roam the fields and forest under bright sunshine and cloudy days alike.
My particular band was led by a woman I grew to love and respect, a woman I held in the highest esteem. She taught us to hunt and to worship, to honor each other and the goddess above all. Our leader had been with neither man nor woman in all her adult life, keeping her body untouched as the goddess requires. She was the model for how my sworn sisters and I should conduct ourselves, not just as girls in service to the hunter goddess, but as the women we would eventually grow into, and she was all I ever wanted to be.
We all swear an oath that we will not know any man while we are in the goddess's service. Some girls leave so they can marry. Some are told to go. One of the girls in my band gave herself to a young man after a festival celebration, and when our leader discovered this, she told the girl to leave. It was not just that this girl had shared her body with another, but that when confronted, she showed no regret and no shame for the way she had defied one of the obediences that the leader of our band, and through her the goddess, demanded.
I lived my life hunting in the company of my sworn sisters, submitting to the leadership and guidance of the woman I admired, until one day one of my sworn sisters, a girl I had known since we were small children, came to us crying. She had been attacked, she said, by one of the men in her town. He wanted her, she put him off, he insisted, she said no. He chased, she ran. He caught her, pushed her down, took what he wanted by force.
She had only approached a few of us, too afraid of our leader's reaction to bring it to the entire band. We were appalled at the way she had been used and tried to comfort her. She and I had been friends most of our lives, and I believed what she told us, for I knew her well enough to know she would not lie about something like this, and I knew enough of the world to understand that men sometimes take what they want whether it is freely given or not.
These were not the same circumstances under which that other girl was asked to leave the band, and we encouraged this girl, our terrified sister, to confess to our leader what had happened to her. She had not consented to that man. She was full of regrets and shame for something that was not her fault, and we thought she would receive comfort and perhaps even vengeance from the hunter goddess, as enacted through the leader of our band.
But it was not so. Our leader, the woman who taught us and led us and showed us the way to be, denounced our sworn sister in front of the entire band and demanded she leave the goddess's service. I tried to plead with our leader - I, a mere acolyte - tried to explain that my sworn sister was distraught and full of remorse, that she had only ever wanted to serve the hunter goddess the way the goddess demanded, and that punishment should instead be meted out to the man who had forced himself upon her.
The answer was still no. My sworn sister was made to leave. And our leader, the woman I loved and admired above all, the woman after whom I had tried to model my thoughts and actions and worship - she was revealed to me as too unbending, too unfeeling for me to respect, much less follow.
It was some time before I was able to leave, for my service to the hunter goddess meant everything to me, and I had to weigh my devotion to her against my growing disdain for the way the leader of our band guided us. But eventually I came to realize I could no longer follow a woman who would refuse one of her sworn daughters the comfort she deserved. I miss my sworn sisters and the way we would run and hunt and celebrate our goddess, but I have continued to worship in my own way, and I will always be her faithful follower, even if I could not follow the woman who would lead me as her proxy.