Thank you LJ...
...for reminding me it's my birthday soon. yaaaay (-_- ) Gosh, I'm not happy at all. I think....
My sleeping routines... NOT GOOD. I can't sleep during the night. I fell alseep around 6-7 am this morning and woke up around 10 am.This whole day I've been sleepy and grumpy. Around 6 pm I took a power nap... woke up, fell alseep, woke up, fell asleep for almost 3 hours.
Now it's night. Everybody is sleeping and I don't wanna sleep. Why? Because I hate to fall asleep. Everytime I turn off the lamp, close the laptop I get panic attacks and starts crying. So I chose not to sleep!
I feel that it's no use to even try to search for help, because I know I can twist and turn my own mind in different directions to make everything be bad.
I'm crying every night... I'm alone with my pain and I see no cure for this pain. Not in this world.
My evil mind tells me to write this, but later everything will be better... but now...... I just wanna cry and be alone with my loneliness.
Fuck you all happy people. If I can't be happy... then no-one should.
My sleeping routines... NOT GOOD. I can't sleep during the night. I fell alseep around 6-7 am this morning and woke up around 10 am.This whole day I've been sleepy and grumpy. Around 6 pm I took a power nap... woke up, fell alseep, woke up, fell asleep for almost 3 hours.
Now it's night. Everybody is sleeping and I don't wanna sleep. Why? Because I hate to fall asleep. Everytime I turn off the lamp, close the laptop I get panic attacks and starts crying. So I chose not to sleep!
I feel that it's no use to even try to search for help, because I know I can twist and turn my own mind in different directions to make everything be bad.
I'm crying every night... I'm alone with my pain and I see no cure for this pain. Not in this world.
My evil mind tells me to write this, but later everything will be better... but now...... I just wanna cry and be alone with my loneliness.
Fuck you all happy people. If I can't be happy... then no-one should.