Ranty rant rant
I haven't yet decided if this is even gonna be public or not. It kind of goes against why I would post something to the internet if I wasn't planning for it to be public but I guess that's not really the point. Whatever, I can decide after I finish writing.
So maybe my standards are strange or too stringent or something, but I seem to be having trouble with people and commitments. Seriously, I really really don't understand agreeing to something you aren't gonna follow through on. I don't understand not alloting the time you say you will to something. Damn it, I set time aside because I thought we all committed to it. It's not like I don't have other stuff to do, althought I guess apparently maybe I don't since I keep walking into this. I don't understand being 5-20 minutes late all the time. I have stuff to do!!!
But I guess what it really goes down to is just a disillusionment of people and life and being almost completely disenchanted with... I don't know, with a lot. And I'm still optimistic, it's who I am, maybe that's a problem, but... People getting away with things they really shouldn't get away with, in the world of "good vs. bad", in the world of "we have rules because...", in the world of "unwritten laws".
That makes me think of Cartoon Heroes. I should put that on now.
It's like such a violation of everything one's taught. People shouldn't be able to get away with stuff. But they do. And you know society would never survive that way if everyone does it, but not everyone does. And it almost feels as if it's because so many people do follow those rules that there are those few that can break them and go through life just continually breaking societies agreements, and you just can't fault them because they're not -bad- people, in fact they're your friends, and it annoys you so much more because of it.
I'm so sick of being like perpetually angry or upset or displeased, and I feel like I have been. Will there come a day when the bad finally overshadows the good for me? I fear that so much. As much as I'm an optimist I'm also a realist. I'm not that tolerant. My patience isn't that worn, it's still pretty damn thick, but it's going down, down down down. I need a breather, I think, probably. But they're my friends.
I know what Laine would say about all this. She's said it for the last two years. Well it's the last year of university, so maybe things will change after that. But maybe they won't, apparently stuff doesn't really change in life. And yet it must, if only because it'll no longer be school next year. I might not even be in the country. I think it would be sad if things don't change even a little in that case. It would be like trapped forever.
I could write more, I could be more specific. I think I won't. It would just go on forever. So let's stop here? Oh well.
Yes, I'm fine. *hugs*