Monogamy
So... I'm in love with two people. Like the, "I want to have a meaningful relationship with these people", love. Well, no. That doesn't quite describe the kind of feelings I have for both of these individuals. To be honest it sounds rather ridiculous to me. I've been infatuated, had crushes on, and even lusted after someone while being in a monogamous relationship.
But never really in love.
Personally I just think I'm terrible at monogamous relationships, despite knowing I wouldn't be able to handle a polyamorous [what, Google
Chrome, that's correctly spelled, calm down] one.
In a way I didn't expect to honestly fall for the other person. They're peculiar, awkward, quirky. Kind of the exact opposite of the kind of people I date. It would be inaccurate to say that this person isn't like me, in that they are unexpectedly similar to me. It's in this person's mannerisms that sets them apart from previous encounters, and there lies the interest. And yet, despite us being mutually attracted to each other, I am not in a relationship with them, because I am already in one.
One that I am indeed happy in.
I remember someone explain to me, that if your partner was 30% compatible with you, and someone comes along that happens to be 50%, you'd want to go to them more. What if the numbers were closer? What if what this person has, is the 50% the other person doesn't have, and vice versa? [Oh, c'mon Chrome, that's correct too!] Is the solution to find someone who is better overall? Am I supposed to just deal with the missing part of my spouse while there is this person who clearly has that part, in my life?
That's the answer when you're in a monogamous relationship, isn't it?
It's not like I'm trying to explain how what I've done isn't a bad thing, but more so just inquiring how one deals with it. I see this person and I want to be with them. I see my partner, and I want to be with them as well. It's not an infatuation. It's not a passing fancy. This person is very special, and very dear to me. This person makes me happy, as does my partner.
And yet I know polyamory wouldn't ever fly with my partner. Just the mere mention of someone else possibly making me happy would drive them insane. Am I unsatisfied with my significant other to find closeness with another? I don't think so. I don't feel any less involved or affectionate with my spouse.
So, I don't know. I love these two people very much, but according to one, I can't, or shouldn't, rather. Does that mean I should drop my partner to search for that other someone? I don't want to, and I'm not sure if I need to.