"You are mine!"
title: "you are mine!"
pairings: junKO, Akame, Jinno, JinKO
[written from Koki's point of view, addressing Jin.]
your words echo in my head. such an unwanted feeling...
i remember it, even if i don't want to. i thought we were friends.. people who could talk together, about anything.
but no.
i remember struggling-- your actions scared me. the look in your eyes; one of only lust. i'm afraid to be alone with you
because it might happen again. every time you call, i'm afraid to answer. afraid of what you'll say. what you'll do.
and yet.
you won't give up, will you? its about your pride now, after all. i've lost my friendship status; now i'm only prey.
"koki, you okay? you don't look very well..." Kame asks, pulling on the brim of my hat;
oh. i must have zoned out for a second.
"haha yeah, i'm fine... why do you ask?" i say, forcing a laugh and shaking off his comments.
"you look like you haven't gotten good sleep. and you're acting... wierd. not like yourself,"
looks like he's not gonna give up, huh.
i suppose its true. but i don't sleep, because when i dream, i keep having flashbacks of the other night. i just
don't want to see it anymore.
a hand clasps my shoulder and i jump visibly in surprise.
"huh?" Junnosuke says, pulling away slightly.
"oh thank god," i inaudibly sigh, leaning in to give him a quick hug. he gives me an embarassed peck on the cheek.
its not like i'm homophobic, or anything. as you know, i have a relationship with Junnosuke right
now. but... when i think about it.. thats probably why you're so upset with me...
Kame grins, and forces an "awwww" into the silence. but then, you come in. you drop a hand on Kame's shoulder, and
give me such a cold look, i have to instantly look away. Junno jumps away from me like i've given him an electric shock... seems like what you put him through is worse than what you've done to me.
"where'd all the happiness go?" you ask, acting like we've hurt you. Kame acts like nothings happened, and turns to
give you a smile. Kame seems to think he can change you; we all know your just toying with him. its only a matter of time.
you'd think he'd get it by now... how many times have you played him, after all?
"of course nothings wrong, Jin," he practically squeals, acting like a parrot on your shoulder.
"lets just get this meeting over-with, okay?" i say, rather uptightly. Johnny walks into the room, and we all bow
in respect and at attention. he stops, stares for a moment, then says rather huskily, "well. something's not right...
first, where are yuichi and tatsuya?"
no one answers. we all know they're probably off together, anyway. find one and you'll find the other. of course, almost as if on cue, the door bursts open, and a frazzled looking Yuichi pulls Tatsuya inside by the hand. they look embarassed and bow in sincere apology.
"we're really sorry we took too long. but at the same time, the train was stopped, so we had no way of getting here any faster!" Tatsuya says, looking like he was about to cry. Johnny breaks into a smile, and puts his hand on the top of Tatsuya's head.
lucky Tatsuya; able to play up his assets, i think to myself, smiling.
"lets begin, shall we?" Johnny replies, directing everyone to the table in the corner.
----
"well, that settles it, then," Johnny says with a laugh. "meetings over, so you can all go home now," Junnosuke give me a sideways look, then looks down at his lap. he text messages me.
"lets do something tonight," the message reads.
"sure, what do you feel like doing?" i text back, glancing up as Johnny-san stands up.
the rest of us stand at attention, and bow as he leaves the room. as i send the text, Junnosuke's phone starts beeping. everyone looks up at him, and he starts blushing like crazy.
"i'll be right back.. i gotta take this," he says, holding the phone up to his ear. Luckily, i'm the only one who
knows that that certain ringtone only plays when he gets a text message.. not when someone calls him. i grin to myself at the sheer idiocy of my boyfriend, when i notice you throw me a sideways glance. i cut smile straight away.
"Koki," your voice cuts through the air like a hot knife. i stop, and stare at you full-on. the same scene pops into
my head, but i ignore it as best i can.
"are you busy tonight?" you ask, giving me the most sugar coated smile i've ever seen. another text message causes my phone to go off in my hand. luckily, its set on vibrate.
"yeah, i'm going out with Junno tonight, sorry," i say, forcing a smile and even a small friendly laugh, while at the same time, flipping open my cell to read the message.
"lets go to your place," it reads. i visibly cheer up.
"well, i'm gonna go now," i say, standing up and stretching, only to drop my phone onto the table. it slides in your direction, and i freeze. as quickly as your eyes scan it, i know you read the message. it worrys me. but, not letting it show, i scoop up my phone, bob my head in apology and laugh a bit. the door opens, and Junnosuke sticks his head in. we make eye-contact, and he give me a questioning smile. i nod slightly, and we both grin awkwardly.
"itteki!" i call, passing Junnosuke.
"ittera--" everyone else calls back, Yuichi waving.
---------
Junnosuke stands outside my door and rings the doorbell. not wanting to have him wait, i pull open the door, and give him a quick smile.
"hi," i say.
"hey," he replies, looking at the ground. i grab him by the shoulder, playfully, and lead him inside. of course, i've already prepared a western-style dinner with Junnosuke's favorite red wine. i'm in high spirits, just looking at him. He's smiling, but being abnormally quiet. over dinner, i address the subject.
"Is something going on?" i ask, pointing at him with my fork.
"its nothing," he says, chewing thoughtfully before adding, "its just that.. i'm so relaxed around you. its such a different feeling, from before..."
i know what he means. his last relationship was with you, after all. that was why i was afraid of seeing him at first... because of what i'd seen you do with those you've dated. I decide to drop this subject, at least until after dinner, and simply nod in agreement.
later on, i'm watching tv on the couch, with Junnosuke's head on my shoulder. i can tell by his relaxed breathing, and posture, that he's fallen asleep. i wish we could have moments like these forever...
i reach up and stroke his hair. he sighs in his sleep, and moves slightly, falling over. he jumps awake, and looks at me, his brown eyes wide.
"i must have fallen asleep-- i'm sorry!" he moans, rubbing one eye with his hand. i simply smile, and stretch.
"no worries, no worries," i practically sing, putting an arm around his shoulder.
he winces slightly.
i pull back, slightly alarmed.
"... Junno... i'm sorry-- did something happen?" i ask, looking at his shoulder. but, he waves it away.
"its nothing. something fell and hit me in the shoulder, is all," he says, not looking me in the eyes. from this i can tell he is lying, but i don't want to pressure him. so, i simply wrap my arms around his waist, and pull him close. he sighs again, and a contented smile plays on his lips. we both recline, laying side by side, with our hands intertwined.
finally, after a long moment of silence, Junno speaks.
"What is Jin doing to you?" he asks, still staring in the direction of the tv. i pause, not really wanting to remember. but, at the mere mention of your name, the scene still forces its way into my head.
"I don't honestly know," i say, staring up at the cieling, "its like... i thought we were friends. but as soon as he found out about us, he got really jealous, and--" i had to stop there.
"i have to tell you something," Junnosuke says quietly, looking away from the tv and at me.
"he approached me a few days ago.. told me to call it quits with you. right away, or else--"
"so thats what happened to your shoulder," i say this loudly, interrupting him, yet still not looking at him.
"i.. well, yes, but--" he sputters, "but that doesn't matter right now. what matters is what he's done to you... i
want to know,"
i really don't want to talk about this. what you've done to me... i'm just not ready. but, Junno...
i take a deep breath.
"he almost took things too far." is all i could muster.
the images come back in a storm.
you, having drank too much... coming to my apartment. of course i let you in, you'd came over a million times before... sometimes with girls, sometimes with guys, sometimes just to come and talk. but.. the look in your eyes was really different that night. you begged me to let you stay. of course, i thought nothing of it, so i said yes. i left you alone in the spare bedroom and went to prepare something for the hangover i knew you'd have in the morning. but, something wasn't right.
out of nowhere, i felt a hand on my back, and your breathing on my neck. i turned around; you were so close. too close. i put a hand on your chest, but you got the wrong idea. you pushed me against the table, forced me. i couldn't go anywhere. trapped, my breath started racing. you started going after the buttons on my polo, and all i could do is push, struggle against you. fighting at all costs, i realized then just how physically strong you were. it honestly scared me. as you leaned in, kissing my neck, all i could think of... was Junnosuke. so i started screaming, doing anything to distract you-- to get away. thats when you looked me straight in the eyes, and said the words i can't erase. there was so much fury in your voice... so much hatred in your eyes, as you shouted,
"ENOUGH! don't you get it-- you are mine!"
luckily, you released me after that... i never gave it a second thought as to where you went. at that point, i simply collapsed in relief. i was numb. i kept wondering, what had made you...of all people... think that i felt that way about you. or, what i had done, to make you think that way about me. all i had known before was our friendship... i told you about everything.. even about how i felt about Junnosuke. i was mortified when the two of you broke up... it seemed like he'd never smile again.
of course, i cannot say this aloud...
Junnosuke notices my shaking, and wraps his arms around me softly.
"I'm so sorry.. i didn't want to cause you pain like this," he whispers. i can feel tears running down his cheek, and dripping onto my back. but i can't face him. can't tell him the truth... i realize now why you are hounding me... its because you knew in the beginning how i felt about him. and now, you want him away.