Akai Batsu to Shiroi Ai - Chapter Forty-Six
“Mizuku…what the fuck?” that was the first thing that came out of Toshiya’s mouth. He stared at her and then looked at Tsurara, who was grinning at him. That grin made Toshiya want to reach across the table and punch him in the face.
“I know, I know, but hear me out-“ she started.
“No, this is fucked up,” he began, shaking his head and looking at Tsurara. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing? Is this another slimey way to get back into my life? I don’t care if you fuck with me, but this is my sister!”
Tsurara held his hands up defensively and shook his head. “That isn’t what is going on here, I promise,” he said. “Lemme explain, ‘kay?”
Kyo looked at Toshiya and then at Tsurara. The doctor was staring him down, like he was trying to burn a whole through him with his eyes. He imagined red laser beams shooting out of Toshiya’s eyes and almost cracked a smile at the image in his head.
“Look, after the…uh…fight at your place, I went to Mizuku to talk about what happened and she was really comforting…one thing just led to another,” he explained.
“Ew,” Kyo commented. Tsurara shot him a dirty look.
Toshiya shook his head. “I can’t believe this,” he muttered. “Mizuku, can I speak with you?”
Mizuku sighed sadly and got up from the table. Toshiya got up and they walked over to the door and stepped out of the restaurant, leaving Kyo and Tsurara sitting across from each other at the table. Kyo smirked at him, feeling a deep sense of satisfaction swell up inside him as though he were laughing at him and the fact that he had won Toshiya’s heart. Even as broken and mangled as he was, he was a better choice than Tsurara.
“What the fuck are you smiling at?” he asked, his smiley warm personality suddenly fading.
Kyo was caught off guard, frowning for a moment before grinning. “You’re just playing her, aren’t you?” he asked, stretching his legs out under the table.
“Why would you say that?” he asked.
“Because you have that look,” Kyo said casually, rubbing his scarred and scabbed arms. He felt that itch all of a sudden, like he wanted to hurt himself. There was something about being near Tsurara, even though he felt superior to him and knew that he was no competition for him, that just made him want to cut. Maybe because Tsurara was normal, and he did not grow up as messed up individual like Kyo had.
“What look?” Tsurara raised an eyebrow, like he was only half listening.
Kyo leaned in, still smirking. “The look of an asshole,” he said softly, then leaning back into the booth cushioning. “You would take all the time to seduce Mizuku and get her to like you, to gain her trust and maybe even fuck her, just so you could get another chance at Toshiya. I’m not stupid, and neither is he. Do you think they are just having a fun little chat outside right now? Fuck no. Toshiya is probably telling her exactly what I am thinking. You’re not fooling anyone.”
“Fuck off,” Tsurara rolled his eyes. “You’re just some fucked up little hospital rat that Toshiya took home to play with. You don’t think he’ll get bored of trying to fix you? And if he does fix you, he’ll find a new broken toy to play with.”
Kyo shook his head. “You’re just all butthurt because Toshiya couldn’t stand you,” he sneered. He leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest casually, looking down at his lap for a moment. He was still feeling self conscious about himself, about Tsurara and what he was saying. What if he was just Toshiya’s “project”? He pushed that thought away and looked at Tsurara. “I just want to let you know right now, if I catch you near my apartment, calling him, bothering me, or if I even see you across the god damn street, I’m goin’ to beat your ass so bad you’ll wish you’d’ve stayed home.”
Tsurara suddenly tensed up and leaned forward, clenching his fists. “Don’t threaten me you backwards ass piece of trash, I will fuck you up so bad you’ll be begging to go back to the nut house. Then we’ll see what you do to keep me away from Toshiya,” he said in a low, harsh voice.
“Is that so?” Kyo asked in a monotone voice, narrowing his eyes at him.
“Don’t fuck with me, you psycho, you’ll regret it,” he said.
Without even realizing what he was doing, Kyo sprang up and lunged across the table. Tsurara jumped up with surprisingly fast reflexes and grabbed Kyo’s wrist, dragging him out of the booth and slamming him into the ground. Kyo growled through the pain and bounced up, punching the taller man hard in the gut and knocking the wind out of him. He grabbed Tsurara’s head and yanked it down hard into his knee as he brought it up.
Tsurara cried out and shoved all his weight into Kyo, tackling him and pinning him to the ground, leaning all his weight onto his chest. Kyo started hitting him in his sides, his blood boiling and his adrenaline pumping so hard and fast he was getting nauseas. Tsurara began punching him in the face, over and over despite the blow’s Kyo was dealing him. Every punch the head made his vision fade and it shocked his entire body, but he refused to stop hitting him back.
Kyo began squirming hard, his body aching and exhausted, trying to get out from underneath the taller man. “Get the fuck off me!” he screamed and with a sudden burst of strength, arched his back up and knocked Tsurara off his balance. He wasted no time climbing on top of him, place one knee on either side of his shoulders and grabbed his hair, pulling his head up and repeatedly slamming it into the ground. He saw Tsurara’s eyes roll back for a moment and then he twisted and slammed an elbow into Kyo’s groin.
Everything went black for a moment and Kyo’s entire body became weak. Tsurara shoved him back and wrapped his hand around his throat, squeezing down hard. “You stupid fucking piece of shit!” he shouted, slamming his free hand down into Kyo’s chest.
Kyo’s vision began fading in and out and he kicked his legs, trying to get away from Tsurara. For a moment he wondered if this man was going to kill him and no one in the restaurant would try to pull the deranged man off of him. He suddenly felt the weight lifted off of him and he could breathe again; he began rubbing his throat and taking in deep breaths.
“Get the fuck out of here!” he heard Toshiya yell. “Get out! Don’t you ever come near me or my sister again, you hear me you fucking psycho?! I don’t want you in my life, and if you even text me I swear to God you will regret it. Go!”
“Fine! Fine you disgusting pervert!” Tsurara shouted.
Kyo opened his eyes and saw Mizuku standing over him, checking his pulse and looking tensely at him. “Warumono, are you alright?” she asked, looking him up and down.
“Dizzy,” was all he could muster. The room was spinning and everything felt wobbly and weak.
“Just stay still, you probably have a concussion,” she said. She then stood up and Kyo followed her with his eyes. She moved quickly up to Tsurara and stared at him, remaining very still and stiff. She then slapped him hard across his bloody face. “Stay away from me,” she said firmly, and then moved back over to Kyo. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.”
Mizuku helped him to his feet and Toshiya moved towards him, placing an arm firmly around him to support him. “I’m sorry Toshiya-“ Kyo said, having difficulty forming the words. His head was pounding.
“It’s okay, don’t worry about a thing. I was planning on beating his ass too,” Toshiya said. “Let’s go home.”
* * * * *
Die sat on his bed, his knees tucked to his chest and his arms wrapped around them. Shinya was gone, he had left him all alone in this horrible place. Was that his plan all along, to get Die to a good place and then absolve himself of all responsibility? He could not help but feel that was the case. There was no other explanation. He was getting better and he thought that Shinya was getting better too.
After all the effort behind bringing out the truth of Kitanai and working through, building the new coping techniques and making himself finally feel at ease with who he was…it seemed like it was all for nothing. It was all he could think about, Shinya abandoning him. Leaving him. Again.
He could not take it. After punishing himself for so long for Kitanai’s death, after all the pain and permanent damage he did to himself…
The door opened at the new doctor walked in, the one assigned to him since Shinya would not be returning. “Hey, how are you feeling, Andou-san?” he asked cheerfully. This was a young guy, younger than him, probably fresh out of grad school with his PhD and very little field experience. He would sit there and regurgitate all the information he heard from boneheaded doctors and in the class room. He had no idea what he was doing, not like Shinya.
“Fine, just sleepy,” he said, rubbing his eyes. “What’s going on? I thought I wasn’t scheduled for a visit with you til later on tonight.”
“You aren’t, but I was told to come here and introduce your new roommate to you and make sure you were okay with rooming in with someone, and if not I can have him move in to Bou’s room,” he said.
“’Kay,” Die shrugged. He did not care, he was already planning to kill himself anyway. He laid down on the bed, his back facing the doorway and the new doctor. He did not care to meet the new roommate, he just wanted to be left alone.
“I’ll leave you two to get to know each other.”
He heard the door close and some noises across the room, probably just the new guy getting settled and bringing his bags in. What would be the best way to kill himself? He could save up all his pills for a few days and overdose, but that would be tricky and too high of a chance of being found. Maybe he could break his neck, running full force, head first into the wall would probably be enough force to break the bones.
He felt the weight on the bed as though his new roommate had just sat down. He felt a hand on his side and turned over abruptly, smacking the man’s hand away. “Dude, what the fuck?” he snapped, and then froze in place.
It was Shinya.
“I’m sorry,” he said, as if he knew everything that Die was thinking. “You didn’t deserve to be shut out like that, but it was necessary so I wouldn’t turn around and change my mind for the millionth time. This was the only way.”
Die sat up and he looked at Shinya for a long time. His face seemed tired and worn out, like he had suddenly aged ten years over night, and his eyes seemed so sad and defeated. It was obvious what he was doing was taking a huge toll on him. He threw his arms around Shinya and began to choke up. He was trying to fight it as hard as he could, but the rush of relief and happiness took hold of him and he began to sob softly. “Don’t you ever leave me again,” he said, burying his face in Shinya’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry, I really am,” Shinya said gently. He wrapped his arms around Die and kissed the top of his head. “It won’t happen again, I swear.”
He clutched the Shinya’s shirt roughly and felt so warm, so loved and so at peace for the first time in days. It was as though everything was going to be okay, and his world now had light again. Everything was going to be alright, because Shinya was there.
“What is happening? Why did they say you are a patient here?” Die asked in confusion.
“Because I am,” he said solemnly. “I…I can’t do it anymore. Honestly, I was so sick of living the way I was living, so sick of the lies and hypocrisy. It came down to ending it all or going into treatment. In any other situation I would have chosen the easier option, but I chose you instead.”
Die looked at him and swallowed hard. It was difficult to imagine the man he loved being in so much pain, so torn about himself and his life. But then again, he was just imagining the best way to kill himself too, so he had no excuse either. “What about your license? Your job?” Die asked.
“I’ll worry about that stuff later, right now I need to get better. I have been doing a disservice to you and Kaoru and Kyo, and all the other patients I’ve had in the past. The reason I was able to help so many people throughout the years is because I understand what they are going through and I understand their pain, but I’ve neglected my own. I’ve grown tired of living with my secret,” he said softly.
Die leaned back into the hug and kissed him on the cheek. “I’m so happy that you’re doing this,” he said. Shinya was going to get better, he was going to get better, and they would be happy. For the first time since they first met so many years ago, there would not be a horrendous pain hanging between them, and they could be normal…finally.
* * * * *
“Bou…what are you doing?” asked the woman. She was an older woman, her face lined with deep wrinkles. She had very thin lips that were lined in a very bright red lipstick, standing out on her face more like an open wound that actual lips. Her hair was very gray at the roots and outgrown, while the rest of it was black. She looked ridiculous.
Kaoru sat next to Bou, nervously tugging at the cloth on his pants and trying to seem nonchalant as though nothing had just happened. He looked nervously at Bou and then at his parents. Bou’s father was a seemed much younger than his mother, looking like he was only a few years older than Kaoru. “What is going on in here?” he asked in a heavy voice.
“…Nothing dad, me and Kaoru were just talking about the outside world,” he said. “Why are you guys here? This isn’t the day you’re supposed to come.”
“We are supposed to let you know that this is going to be your last week here. You insurance ran out for the year and you can’t come back until next year,” his mother said.
Bou looked wide eyed at his parents and then back at Kaoru. He nibbled on his lip and hten looked down at the floor. It was clear he didn’t know what to do or how to feel. Kaoru wondered how he would have reacted if he had been given that sort of new when he was Bou’s age. He would not have been ready to leave mentally but would have wanted to go. It really seemed like Bou was accepting his treatment and willing to comply, finally, and now he was being pulled out of treatment so quickly? It did not seem fair to him at all. But…there was nothing he could do to help him.
“Okay, I guess,” he finally said and looked at his parents.
“We have some rules for when you come home, just so you know,” his father said.
“I know,” Bou sighed and readjusted himself on the bed. He looked at Kaoru, then at his parents. “Um, this is my friend Kaoru, by the way. Kaoru, these are my parents.”
“Hi, it’s nice to meet you,” Kaoru said with a half-hearted smile. He was not sure what to do.
“Are you a patient here?” his mother asked, her face seem wary of him.
“Not anymore, I’m just visiting. Bou made friends with me and my brother and no one else really, so I figured he could use some company,” Kaoru explained, nervously looking at the teen next to him. What if they knew? What if they figured out what was going on? Would he not be permitted to see Bou?
“Oh, well that’s nice of you,” his mother said. “It’s a bit strange for an older man such as yourself to be friends with a teenager, isn’t it?”
Kaoru blushed. There it was. He had tried not to think about how strange their relationship seemed or the age difference, but there was no denying the fact that he was much older than Bou. How would people view him? He suddenly felt very self-conscious. Could he get in trouble for being with him? Was it against the law?
“Mom, don’t be a cunt,” Bou said. “He’s my friend, why should age matter?”
“She’s just looking out for your wellbeing, you know that,” his father said, and then looked at Kaoru. “Can you excuse us for a moment? I want to have a talk with my son about coming home.”
“Sure,” Kaoru said, feeling even more awkward and ashamed of himself. He stood up and bowed slightly to Bou’s parents and went out the open door, shutting it slowly behind him. He left it open a crack and listened for a moment.
“You better not be fucking around with that older guy,” his mother snapped.
“I’m not, and shut the fuck up,” Bou retaliated.
“Don’t you for a second think you are going to still be hanging out with that creepy man, that is totally inappropriate,” his dad said.
“Suck a dick, douche bag,” Bou snapped at him.
Kaoru shut the door all the way and placed his back against the wall, his heart sinking into the pit of his stomach and wrenching. What would he do without Bou? That boy was his saving grace, without him….he would still be a slave to his own mind. What would he do without him?
He could not let Bou’s parents take him away from him.
Thank you all for reading!
I will be attending Anime Central (ACen) this Thursday-Sunday with my daughter and boyfriend (he is cosplay hide!), if you are going please let me know so I can meet you!
website hit counters