Akai Batsu to Shiroi Ai - Chapter Thirty-One

[tsrex_fics]

Toshiya rushed to catch up with Fujimitsu as he walked briskly down the hall in the direction of the self-mutilator's ward. It couldn't wait anymore and he couldn't leave his patient untreated for much longer. After he had brought Kyo back to the hospital the patient made him promise that he wouldn't go see Hayashi again, even though it was an unreasonable request. He had simply taken to treating Kisaki and Hideto with complete disregard for Yoshiki's well being. It was so unprofessional and possibly damaging to Yoshiki's already unstable mental health, but in a way he was relieved not having to go visit the homicidal patient; he wouldn't have to look into the cold dead eyes of the one who had attacked him and left him physically and mentally scarred for the rest of his life.

He had been occupying his time by reading Hideto's recovered journal and reviewing his notes on Kisaki's declining condition. The patient was having homicidal ideations almost all the time and threatening the nurses, even to the point where he made a shive out of a plastic fork and tried to stab Mizuku. Toshiya had considered taking away his colored pencils, but he had been too intrigued and at the same time disturbed by the things that Kisaki was drawing. And as for Hideto...no matter how hard he tried, he could not get Hideto to talk to him. There was something seriously disturbing about the fact that after having survived the wrath of Hayashi he himself had turned into a cold blooded killer, but it seemed as though the pink hair monster was catatonic.

"Fujimitsu!" Toshiya called out, nearly jogging to catch up the board director. He grasped Fujimitsu's broad shoulder and forced the greasy haired man to turn around.

"What is it Hara-sensei? I'm to accompany Terachi-sensei to the ESMS hospitalization program with his patients and I'm already late," he said impatiently.

"Yes, I understand you're in a hurry and I apologize, but this is urgent and cannot be put off any longer," Toshiya said in a serious voice.

"What is it?"

"I need you to transfer Hayashi-san as soon as possible," Toshiya said, holding his breath as he waited for Fujimitsu to respond.

"To where? Solitary confinement again?"

"No, to Sasayaki Mental Rehabilitation Center in Osaka," he said.

Fujimitsu stared at him with a perplexed look on his face. “To Sasayaki? Why?"

Toshiya took in a deep breath to calm himself, trying to brace both his mind and body so he wouldn't show any signs of nervousness or fear. Ever since the attack he had been jumpy and indecisive. He had to remind himself that he could do this, he could talk to Fujimitsu about the incident if need be. They were both highly educated adults, right? "Hayashi-san has become a difficult case to manage, to difficult for me, in fact. I have exhausted both my internal and external resources to treat him and I am afraid there is nothing more in Bara no Onna that can help him," he explained.

Fujimitsu planted his hands on Toshiya's shoulder and looked his face over. "Hara-sensei, you are one of our best doctors and you have been treating Hayashi-san for almost two years now. I trust fully in your abilities to treat him, even if there has not been progress in his condition, for you to at least stabilize him," he said with a warm, endearing smile.

"No, you don't understand...I was assaulted by him--"

Fujimitsu waved his hand to silence Toshiya. "We've all at one point been assaulted by a patient, and besides, we went over the incident in which you and Terachi-sensei experienced at the hands of Hayashi-san. I mean, he's assaulted you and your sister before, right? There is nothing to worry about as long as we keep him in therapy and medicated."

Toshiya clenched his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. He was going to have to admit what had happened. "He assaulted me again...sexually," he winced at his own words, his stomach twisting itself into hundreds of knots to the point where he felt as though he were going to fall over. He felt heat spread from his ears across his face and he knew it must be glowing bright red with embarrassment. The awkward silence between them ate away at his mind and he wanted to scream out for Fujimitsu to say something to him.

"When...when did this happen?" Fujimitsu asked, his dark eyes wide and his horror poorly disguised on his face. Toshiya could only imagine what the man thought of him.

"Tuesday," Toshiya said in a quiet voice. "I'm sorry, but I simply cannot face him at this time nor do I think I can objectively treat him anymore. Either he goes or I go, the two of us cannot stay in this facility together."

Fujimitsu gave Toshiya a worried look and his dark eyes once again scanned Toshiya's face. 'Oh shit,' he thought as he stared back at Fujimitsu, 'I just lost my job.' Suddenly, he began to panic. What would happen to Kyo if he were fired? They wouldn't be able to see each other. He didn't even want to think of consequences if that were to happen. "I'll have Hayashi-san transferred by Tuesday at the latest," the board director finally said.

"Thank you, Fujimitsu-sensei, thank you," Toshiya bowed low and let out a deep breath. He turned as he straightened his back and moved swiftly down the hall as hot tears began to flow down his cheeks.

"What the fuck is Shinya up to?" Kyo asked in a loud whispered. "What is he doing?"

Kyo, Die and Kaoru had jammed themselves into the corner of the small room, huddled in a circle of outcasts. "I have no idea, but this is beyond me," Kaoru said, glancing at the others in the room.

There were four other young men in the room, some of them looking like teenagers, all dressed in normal street clothes. Their outfits seemed so...strange, like they were out of place. Was this how normal people dressed nowadays? If so, the fashion from when they were younger had definitely taken a turn to the abnormal side of spectrum. They looked dishelmed and tired, walking around almost as if they were zombies. There were nurses moving about in uniforms, checking wrist bands and passing out medication and water in little dixie cups and talking to the patients. Kyo had never seen something so strange before.

"Group is starting!" one of the casually dressed boys announced, standing in the doorway. His blonde hair hung around his face, his bangs sweeping across in uneven tufts to cover most of the right side of his face. He was wearing a red band t-shirt long black and white striped arm warmers that went up to his elbows. He looked very innocent and young, but had a deep voice.

The other people in the room moved over to the large leather, plush couches and moved into the seats like they had been assigned that spot. Die glanced at Kaoru and Kyo. "What is group?" he asked in a whisper.

Kaoru shrugged. "I have no idea," he said.

A woman wearing a large purple sweater and clutching a huge black binder walked into the room with an abnormal smile on her face, seeming to be the only one who was actually pleased in the room. She grabbed a rolling chair and moved it to the center front of the room and sat down. "You three, you can have a seat on the empty couch if you wish," she said to them.

Hesitantly, Die moved forward and sat down on the couch, leaning against the armrest and crossing his legs. Kyo took the middle seat and drew his knees up to his chest as Kaoru plopped down beside him. The blonde haired teenager sat in the chair beside the couch and tapped his foot impatiently. He looked at them oddly, eyeing their hospital clothes. They were the only ones wearing the hospital uniform for inpatients, and their clothes had dried blood stains on them.

"Alright then, today in group we're going to be taking about coping skills; first, let's introduce ourselves to the newest three members to join us. I'll start," she shifted so she was facing the three of them. "My name is Shiina and I am twenty-nine years old. I am a Behavioral Health Associate and I will be running some of the group therapy sessions that you will attend while you're here. Let's go around the room, say our names, age, and how we got here. Shall we start over here?"

The blonde teenager near Die scowled. "Fine. My name is Bou, I'm fifteen and I'm here because my Dad is a dick," he said quickly.

"Bou, tell the truth, and take off those arm warmers. You're not suppose to have those in here," Shiina said with a sigh.

Bou tore off the arm warmers and threw them on the ground in front of Shiina. He stuck out his tongue at her. Kyo glanced over as saw thin rows of scabs up and down the underside of his arms. "I got pissed, cut myself, and then Dad walked in and decided instead of dealing with it, to send me here," he said as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"My name is Tsunehito, I'm sixteen and I tried to kill myself," the boy across from Bou said. He had surprisingly round eyes and a cute face with a distinct mole below his lips. He picked at his chapped lips with his finger nails, looking around and avoiding everyone's eyes.

"My name is Aiji, I'm nineteen years old and I checked my self in last week for self-mutilation," said the man with brown hair. His forearms were covered with circular, puffed up scabs and there was a large bit of gauze on his bicep.

"I'm fourteen, my name is Rame, my parents put me in here after I accidentally overdosed on ecstasy, the young boy beside Aiji said. He didn't have any visible cuts on him, but his forearm was in a splint and their were massive bruises covering his arms and legs.

“My name Reita, I’m twenty-one and my girlfriend pressured me into getting treatment for the same thing everyone else is here for,” the last of the patients said. He looked at Kaoru.

“Oh, I guess it’s my turn. I’m Kaoru and I’m…thirty-three? I’m from the other side of the hospital,” Kaoru said nervously. He pointed to Kyo, “This is my brother.”

“I’m Kyo, I don’t remember how old I am because I’ve been in this hellhole for a good third of my lifespan,” Kyo said in a low voice.

“I’m Die, I think I’m twenty-nine or thirty, I can’t really remember. My mom put me in here a while ago for self-injury,” Die said, eyeing Kyo and Kaoru. They looked just as uncomfortable and awkward as he felt.

Kyo scanned the large room, staring at Aiji in particular. He wondered why someone would ever willingly put themselves into a hospital.

“Alright, let’s talk about coping skills,” Shiina said, breaking the silence. “What are some things you can do when you feel like hurting yourself?”

“Take out a knife-“

“Bou! That’s very inappropriate,” Shiina said in a disappointed voice.

“Geeze, I was going to say ‘take out a knife and cook something. You know, keep your hands busy?” Bou grinned deviously. Kyo smiled to himself, the blonde haired teenager reminding him faintly of himself when he was younger.

“Kaoru, you’ve been in treatment for a while. What are some things you do when you feel like inflicting self-injury?” Shiina asked in a soft voice.

“I suppose you mean when I don’t follow through. I write…poems and stories, but it’s more out of boredom than me trying to not hurt myself,” Kaoru said, staring down at his missing nail the entire time.

“What about you, Kyo?”

“I always hurt myself, whenever I want,” Kyo smiled at the baffled look on Shiina’s face. Kaoru nudged him in the ribs with his elbow and Kyo rolled his eyes. “…I mean, I study when I want to cut,” he said half-heartedly.

“And you, Dai?”

“Die,” he corrected. “I think about the person I love, about how he wouldn’t want me to hurt myself anymore…it sounds kinda’ corny but it works.”

“Ew, you’re gay?” Rame cringed.

“Hey, fuck you!” Kyo snapped, sticking up his middle finger at the teenager.

“Kyo, we try to keep swearing to a minimum in here,” Shiina commented. “And Rame, please respect everyone’s sexual orientation. By making that comment you’re offending anyone in this room who might be homosexual.”

“Well, I don’t feel comfortable around a gay guy, I don’t want him to hit on me or anything,” Rame whined, pointing at Die.

Kyo scoffed. “Don’t flatter yourself. He has a boyfriend and doesn’t need your underage ass,” he grinned at the annoyed look on Rame’s face.

“Shut the fuck up, Rame, all you do is bitch,” Bou snapped, looking at the wall as Shiina shot a dirty look at him.

“Boys, calm down, please,” Aiji said, holding up his hands in a peace offering.

“I wouldn’t be so pissed if Rame could keep his God damn mouth shut,” Bou mumbled.

“This is going to be a long day,” Die mumbled to Kyo.

Shinya opened the door to the ESMS program and smiled at one of the nurses. “Are the patients in group?” he asked politely.

“No, they’re in the television room,” she said.

“Thank you,” Shinya bowed slightly and walked down the short hallway, peeking into empty bedrooms with 2 single beds each. He reached the television room and paused, listening to their conversations.

“Are you a banger?” a blonde haired teenager stood in front of Die, playing with his bangs.

“A what?” Die asked curiously, shifting on the couch.

“Yeah, someone who bangs their head. You have huge bruises all over your face, so I figured you were one of those,” he said, motioning to his forehead.

“I guess, I didn’t know there were names for these things,” Die shrugged.

“Oh yeah, it’s like…self-mutilation slang,” Bou laughed. “I’m a cutter, so is Reita, but he only cuts his chest. It looks intense. Aiji is a burner, all those little circles are from cigarette burns and stuff. He admitted himself after his lit his arm on fire and got third degree burns; then there’s Rame.” Bou stuck out his tongue and made a sour face. “He is a breaker, he hits himself to break his bones. For being such an annoying prick he really knows how to do some damage, those. Ask him to take off that splint and you’ll see where his wrist popped out of his flesh.

“Tsunehito confuses me, though. He is more a drug user, addicted to speed and coke, but he is also a carver. They carve words and things into themselves, so basically a creative cutter.”

Shinya bit his lip. Were his patients going to start getting ideas while they were in here? He stepped fully around the doorway and knocked on the doorframe. “Hey there,” Shinya said with a warm smile as his eyes landed on Die.

The blonde teenager turned and raised an eyebrow. “Who is this cocksucker?” he asked.

“I’m here to meet with Die,” Shinya said, stifling a laugh. The teenager looked so innocent but his language was so coarse and disrespectful. It reminded him so much of Kyo.

“Oh, are you the boyfriend?”

“Uh, I’m his doctor,” Shinya answered quickly. “Die, can we talk in your room?”

“Sure,” Die said, standing up and moving away from the couch. He lead Shinya down the hall to his room and walked in. There was a brown haired man on the closest bed to the door who glanced up from his notebook tiredly.

“Aiji, I’m meeting with my doctor now,” Die said, moving over to sit on the bed near the window.

“Oh, okay. Just come get me when you’re session is done,” Aiji said casually, rolling to the side of the bed and moving off of it.

Shinya waited until Aiji shut the door behind him before turning his head so his eyes would meet with Die’s. The second they locked eyes Shinya felt butterflies in his stomach. He sat down beside Die on the bed and smiled at him. “What do you think of this ward?” he asked.

“I like being with other people, I don’t feel so outcast like I did before…but I feel old. All these people are like high school or college students,” he sighed. “It’s weird. At least Kyo is having fun teasing some homophobic kid.”

Shinya laughed. Those two being around each other all the time was certainly going to cause some sort of mischief, but it was good to see that they were somewhat happy. “How is group therapy? It’s new to you, so it must be strange at first,” Shinya commented.

“Well, I didn’t really like the topic today. It was about ‘coping skills’. I wonder if any of the people here have ever hurt themselves on purpose, then they might understand its not that easy to just walk away and find something else to do,” Die shook his head. “Plus I’m a little worried, ‘cause Kyo is a bit…rowdy.”

“I was a little concerned about that, but I think he is aware of what is at stake here, that if he can accept treatment and make an effort to recover that he can go home,” Shinya explained. “And you can too.”

“I know. I can’t thank you enough for letting us come off the ward to this one, I mean…it means so much to all of us. We have a chance, more of a chance than we’ve ever been offered before,” Die smiled warmly.

“Die, do you think that at this point you can go down the road to recovery?” Shinya asked in all seriousness.

Die grabbed Shinya’s hand. “I don’t have a reason to hurt myself anymore, now that I have you,” he kissed the back of Shinya’s hand.

“You keep saying that but you’ve relied on self-mutilation for years and to remove it completely from your life successfully is just…a bit hard to believe,” Shinya gave him a worried look. He wanted to see Die in recovery and leading a full life outside of the hospital, but he didn’t want to see Die relapse either.

“You just have to have some faith in me, Shinya,” Die said, leaning forward and kissing Shinya.

Shinya pushed Die away. “We shouldn’t do this here. Back at your other room it was okay because the doors locked, but here-“

“It’s okay, Aiji won’t come back until I got get him. I just want to be with you right now,” Die said softly, kissing him again. Shinya smiled, enjoying the warmth of Die’s soft lips. The red head ran his finger’s through Shinya’s hair. He let out a small gasp as Die’s lips found the nap of his neck, teasing his skin with his tongue and biting his gently. Die kissed him passionately, his hands reaching for the top button of Shinya’s shirt.

Shinya wanted to pull away, to stop Die from removing his shirt, but he hadn’t kissed him in so long, he hadn’t felt his warm hands scanning his body. He shuddered with excitement as Die sucked on his lower lip, having moved back to his mouth and poking his tongue past Shinya’s plush lips…but… “Die-“ Shinya grabbed at Die’s hands.

“It’s okay, I won’t say a thing about it,” Die whispered, stroking Shinya’s cheek. “You can trust me…”

Die kissed his exposed collar bone, his hands moving to undo the next couple of buttons. He ran his fingertips over the large scar on Shinya’s chest left from Hayashi’s attack. He trailed his lips down from Shinya’s collar bone to his nipple, sucking at the erect flesh.

Shinya pursed his lips as a moan escaped his throat. “Die…”he gasped, shuddering again. Die placed a finger over Shinya’s lips to silence him. Once again he drew a gasp from Shinya as his lips traveled across his chest to focus on the other nipple and wetting the tender flesh with his tongue. “Aah…” Shinya caught himself and bit his lip, muffling his moan.

Shinya felt Die’s fingertips trail down his injured stomach, his muscles contracting beneath Die’s gentle touch. Die kissed the doctor’s stomach, letting his lips linger over every wound until he reached the top of Shinya’s pants. Die moved to unbutton his pants.

“Wait, we can’t-“ Shinya looked down lustfully at Die, wanting him to continue. He knew he couldn’t allow himself to take part in an sexual acts with Die, it was far too risky, but…how many years had it been since he had been with Die?

“It’s alright, just stay quiet and no one will know,” Die whispered, kissing Shinya’s lips quickly before moving onto floor on his knees in front of Shinya. He slowly undid the button on Shinya’s dress pants, keeping eye contact the entire time.

“You don’t have to-“ Shinya felt his face flush and grow hot with anticipation as Die pulled down the zipper to his pants.

His hard flesh pressed up against the inside of his misaligned boxers and Die moved them so Shinya’s member poked through the hole, half erect. Die kissed the hot flesh, his tongue flicking out against the tip and tasting the salty pre-cum. Shinya let out a quiet moan through his pursed lips. Die took Shinya’s balls into one hand, massaging them gently as he lowered his lips around the head of Shinya’s now fully erect organ.

“Die, aah-“ Shinya squeezed his eyes shut and slapped his hand over his mouth. As Die tightened his lips around his shaft he swirled his tongue around the sensitive head. Shinya took in a deep breath through his nose, trying to keep his moans and groans in his throat. He intertwined his fingers into Die’s soft red hair, clenching his teeth and whimpering. “I…I…” he stuttered, closing his eyes again and throwing his head back in ecstasy.

The doctor slowly thrust his hips upward, inadvertently making Die take more of him into his mouth. Die relaxed his throat and swallowed hard around the length, drawing a squeak from the doctor clutching his head. Shinya first heard the loud hum and then the vibrations against the head of his sex, clutching the back of Die’s head and moaning as he practically saw stars.

Die took Shinya’s member from his mouth and ran the tip of his tongue from the base to the very tip, rolling his tongue around it. He moved the hand massaging Shinya’s balls, outstretching his middle finger and stroking his perineum. The doctor shuddered, his muscles all twitching simultaneously as he let out a loud gasp. Die moved his lips back over the throbbing flesh and pressed his tongue up against the underside of Shinya’s cock. “Die, please…aah…” Shinya whimpered, pushing down the back of his head gently.

Die stood up, his hand wrapped firmly around Shinya’s length as he leaned into to kiss Shinya. He pumped his hand up and down slowly in a teasing manner, watching Shinya’s face twist into a look of pleasure and despair. “Die…” Shinya moaned into the red head’s mouth as they kissed. “Don’t… don’t stop…”

Shinya’s tongue met with Die’s, their pink muscles dancing together in a delectable waltz. The stimulation through his mouth and the lower part of him was becoming too much to bear. He pulled back from the kiss and bit his lower lip. “I…Die…I’m going to-“ he whimpered, his cheeks red and beads of sweat forming on his face.

Die placed his thumb over the tip of Shinya’s length and stroked it with his other fingers. “Not yet, Shinya, not yet,” Die smirked as he leaned in to kiss Shinya again.

“So, why didn’t you guys sign a five day?” Bou asked, sitting down beside Kyo and Kaoru, still fingering his blonde bangs.

“A what?”

“A five day. When you’re eighteen you can sign papers that have you released within five days of being placed inpatient,” Bou explained.

“Oh, that. Every year since we turned eighteen we were allowed to contest to our being committed and it goes before a judge. Every time all of us were ruled incompetent to make that decision,” Kaoru sighed.

“That fucking sucks, I’d lose my mind if I had to stay in one room for ten years,” the teenager shook his head.

“Trust me, you start to go a little crazy, if it wasn’t for fucking around with the staff and being with my brother and Die, I’d have gone insane,” Kyo said. It was so hard to believe he had in fact spent most of his life in this facility.

Rame walked into the room, holding a sketch book underneath his arm and a bag of colored pencils. “Nice ass,” Kyo said with a devious grin. He absolutely loved the disgusted expression on Rame’s face; homophobes bothered him and freaking him out by pretending to hit on his was just like an extra “fuck you”.

“Y-you know, I’ll tell Shiina you’re sexually harassing me,” Rame stuttered with wide eyes.

“Can you back that up?” Kyo asked with a raised eyebrow.

“I’ll have Bou confirm it…”

“No, I mean that ass. Back it up over here,” Kyo grinned, rubbing his crotch with a sadistic grin.

Rame cringed and curled up on the opposite couch and paying attention to his notebook. Bou and Kaoru burst out laughing at the awkward silence in the room. Kyo grinned at Rame and laughed.

“Having you around is going to be fun,” Bou said. He turned towards the door as Aiji walked in. “Hey, what’s up?”

His eyes were wide and his cheeks bright red. He moved over to the table with the water pitcher on it and poured himself a glass of water. “Are you okay?” Bou asked.

Kyo watched Aiji chug the water and blink his eyes repeatedly. “Erm, I just saw something I probably shouldn’t have,” Aiji said, shaking his head and shuddering.

“What was it?” Bou asked, motioning to Aiji to move over to them.

“I don’t think I should tell anyone,” Aiji said softly as he leaned in towards them.

“Come on, we won’t tell. What is it?” the teenager asked eagerly.

“Well, I went to go get my journal from the room after my new roommate and his doctor started their session and I kinda’ saw him doing…something…” Aiji grimaced. He pushed his tongue against the inside of his cheek a few times.

Bou’s eyes widened. “He’s blowing his doctor?” the teenager gasped, his mouth agape. “I wanna see…”

Kyo glanced at Kaoru and grinned. “I told you! When we get out of here you owe me five dollars,” he laughed, leaning against his brother. He couldn’t wait to talk to Shinya…