(no subject)
I just got off the phone with my dad, and it's the only time I have ever heard him sound truly concerned and sad.
me, my mom, and my sister are all at eachother's throats, and I cant stand it, it hurts, why cant we just be like a normal fucking family, everyone get's along. call me fucking emo or whatever name you want, but it's so fucking hard to deal with this shit. ALL THIS SHIT. everything that's happend. My mom took off, and my sister is no where to be found, i'm home alone all because of money. My mom lost her job the other day, and she got dropped from her insurance company, therefor she couldnt get her medicine, and she's been an asshole about everything, but who's to blame her, she has two little asshole kids who throw things in her face whenever something goes wrong, which is pretty much every fucking week. Not only did she lose her job but she threw her back out too and we dont have money to pay the bills so pretty much everything is going to be shut off..my dad doesnt have a job, but he hasnt had one well a steady one for pshh i dont know 11 years or so, so it's not too suprising. So my mom, she's physically and emotionally fucked up. It's hard to see her get upset and know that you're the cause. I realised how selfish I really am and how I am a fucking dick, but I have no idea how to deal with it when I have no hope, and I also know that's my fault too. i have no way to cope with all this bad fucking luck that this "family" has. It really doesnt help that all this shit is going down right now at this time in my life, I figure I would only have a few problems to deal with right now, but no. I dont have anyway to deal with this shit, except to call my aunt and talk to her, I'm so grateful for her right now, it's unbelieveable. I have no one left to talk to besides her, and I know THAT'S my fault too..
I think I'm very possibly moving to my aunts and finish out the year there, there's no more reasons for me to stay here anymore, i mean the only reason I begged my aunt to buy a condo out here was for my friends. I dont think it would really phase anyone anyways, maybe one or two people. heh, I dont even know why I'm writing here anyways. It's because it seems that no one will listen anymore,i guess i'm screaming for attention right? i mean come on, cuz everyone listens to me anyways..
and on the bright side of things... wait, i dont think there are any. maybe i'll post when i'm happy.
me, my mom, and my sister are all at eachother's throats, and I cant stand it, it hurts, why cant we just be like a normal fucking family, everyone get's along. call me fucking emo or whatever name you want, but it's so fucking hard to deal with this shit. ALL THIS SHIT. everything that's happend. My mom took off, and my sister is no where to be found, i'm home alone all because of money. My mom lost her job the other day, and she got dropped from her insurance company, therefor she couldnt get her medicine, and she's been an asshole about everything, but who's to blame her, she has two little asshole kids who throw things in her face whenever something goes wrong, which is pretty much every fucking week. Not only did she lose her job but she threw her back out too and we dont have money to pay the bills so pretty much everything is going to be shut off..my dad doesnt have a job, but he hasnt had one well a steady one for pshh i dont know 11 years or so, so it's not too suprising. So my mom, she's physically and emotionally fucked up. It's hard to see her get upset and know that you're the cause. I realised how selfish I really am and how I am a fucking dick, but I have no idea how to deal with it when I have no hope, and I also know that's my fault too. i have no way to cope with all this bad fucking luck that this "family" has. It really doesnt help that all this shit is going down right now at this time in my life, I figure I would only have a few problems to deal with right now, but no. I dont have anyway to deal with this shit, except to call my aunt and talk to her, I'm so grateful for her right now, it's unbelieveable. I have no one left to talk to besides her, and I know THAT'S my fault too..
I think I'm very possibly moving to my aunts and finish out the year there, there's no more reasons for me to stay here anymore, i mean the only reason I begged my aunt to buy a condo out here was for my friends. I dont think it would really phase anyone anyways, maybe one or two people. heh, I dont even know why I'm writing here anyways. It's because it seems that no one will listen anymore,i guess i'm screaming for attention right? i mean come on, cuz everyone listens to me anyways..
and on the bright side of things... wait, i dont think there are any. maybe i'll post when i'm happy.