Alone again... naturally.
K and I are alone once again. This morning I dropped our foster daughter off at school for the last time.
How heartbreaking.
Had I been able to keep my composure, she wouldn't have started crying. But I couldn't stop crying and because of that, she started crying as well. I think a lot of times, she has started crying when she sees other people crying because she thinks it's what she needs to do. Not necessarily because she understand why they're crying... so I'm not sure her crying was actually genuine in the sense that she understood why I was crying.
It's the last morning I laid out her clothes, yelled at her to stay on task and get her hair brushed and teeth brushed. Last time I had to shut off her alarm, last time I had to follow her to my car and make sure she was seatbelted in. The last time she told me it was okay to back out of our driveway, the last time I heard her talk about her friends at school. The last time I walked her into school, gave her a hug and kiss goodbye and told her to have a good day.
This time was different. I kneeled down in front of her, gave her a hug, she hugged me. I kissed her on the cheek, she did the same to me. I told her I loved her. She gave me another big hug and then she walked away.
I want to just crawl in bed and bury my head in the covers. But I can't. There is a new training class starting today and I'd feel guilty for not being there to help my boss first thing when I got there like I usually do with new hires.
How heartbreaking.
Had I been able to keep my composure, she wouldn't have started crying. But I couldn't stop crying and because of that, she started crying as well. I think a lot of times, she has started crying when she sees other people crying because she thinks it's what she needs to do. Not necessarily because she understand why they're crying... so I'm not sure her crying was actually genuine in the sense that she understood why I was crying.
It's the last morning I laid out her clothes, yelled at her to stay on task and get her hair brushed and teeth brushed. Last time I had to shut off her alarm, last time I had to follow her to my car and make sure she was seatbelted in. The last time she told me it was okay to back out of our driveway, the last time I heard her talk about her friends at school. The last time I walked her into school, gave her a hug and kiss goodbye and told her to have a good day.
This time was different. I kneeled down in front of her, gave her a hug, she hugged me. I kissed her on the cheek, she did the same to me. I told her I loved her. She gave me another big hug and then she walked away.
I want to just crawl in bed and bury my head in the covers. But I can't. There is a new training class starting today and I'd feel guilty for not being there to help my boss first thing when I got there like I usually do with new hires.