HeLL WeEk =.=
holy holy holy crap
this really was the worse week i have ever had, just thinking about it make me wanna kill myself again! haha~
i got shocked and had a panic attack for 2hrs one nite-.-"crying n couldnt breath almost pass out...next day i was freaking out by every little thing, felt super super insecurite..it was really bad feeling!! (for those of you didnt know me long enough, this only happened to me once few years ago at nick's house, i think only brian, dan, shizuka, whts her name? LISA!hahaha..was there..XD) anyway, so i couldnt do any work the next few days bcoz i was always scaring
i still can't really be alone working in art building. one nite i was in ceramics with one girl whole nite following her EVERYWHERE-.-" bcoz i was so scared whenever i was alone. so horrible.ha~
and i was super super stressed out for school, i had super swollen eyes for like 2-3days in a row coz how much i cried
thats really rare...ha. coz i never get swollen eyes from crying!! i can't belive how bad luck i was having this beggining of the week, not only i had panic attack, i had super horrible not able to walk cramps, and i frigging missed the last glaze kiln
i seriously was in shocked, coz i only left 3hrs, the kiln were shuted and started firing to almost 1000oF-.-" wth?! it wasnt even half filled when i leave there. and then i talk to my scary teacher, he was sooo angry at me
i cried for like another hour after that-.-" ha~ im sooo weak~!! he said im not around the studio enough it is my fault n stuffs... it really sucks how busy i am n i can't do as much as i wanted/needed!!
as for weaving, after panic attack, i really could not get back in weaving room at nite by myself..it is really bad!! so i pretty much stopped weaving for 3 days-.-" until yesterday Niki and Chrisa stayed there with me.thanks so much!!!
o..the other day evening i had the most difficult dinner of my life.haha~~ no offense
but wth?! but i cant say much here! hhaaa...maybe some ppl will know what am i talking about
i am really sad that Niki and Aya is leaving!! they are so much fun
well, i guess the good side is that i might get to see Aya in July, and Niki in Dec
(damnit, there's this Hirai Ken's song i keep hearing on HK radio, but i dunno the name! i want it
)
o, so yesterday i finally got extention/incomplete from ceramics n weaving teacher. my ceramics teacher gave me another 1.5hr life talk...make me felt soo overwhelmed!! i feel my life is so lost and out of control. theres a lot of things i need to figure out for myself, before i can move forward in life/school/art. thats what he said, and i do argree with him. i really hate myself being such opposite and different person when im in art and outisde of school. i really have tried harder to be myself when im in school, but still it is really hard. i hate to give ppl an imagine that i am quiet, calm, and in my own little world all the time (okay maybe this part is kinda true.hahaa)
as for weaving i have 2 more weeks of time. but sucks. thats mean there's more weaving alone at nite
someone pls stay there with me!!!
last nite i felt like i was release from prison of weaving finally.haha!! i had some drinks..it was awesome
i didnt had enough though XDD its okay! tonite~ hahaha~~~