a dreaded update
let's do this alphabetically...but save the best for last
[christy would be here except that i'm not ready, and maybe never will be, to be friends with her again. i don't think we could. i dont think i could ever trust her. i'll leave it at that.]
deidre humphrey - i have known you for a while. i have always respected you. i've always admired your intelligence. i've always thought you were a great person. you are trustworthy and i know anything you say - to the best of your knowledge - is true. i miss being friends with you. i miss being asked to swat the fly in front of a swarm of black people. i miss being stupid with you.
donya stagner - donya, we've been through a lot of shit together. and hearing you say some of those things makes me hate you so much. but i also miss you. we're two different types of people. i tell it straight up; i piss people off; i'm a bitch when it comes to telling my opinions; people hate that yet they respect it. you don't; you write about it and ponder it; you are more 'feeling-ish'; and people admire that. including myself. i loved hearing your songs you made up. i actually loved cleaning your room. i love cursing boys for hours. i love doing those things with you. i loved being with you and hearing about your stories and how you got in trouble 'this time' and what not. i miss that and i still love you with all my heart - you just hurt me really bad with all those comments. in none of those comment did i ever say anything mean about you yet you called me a bitch and told me "you are no one to talk about treating people like shit." i'd like to know who i treat like shit - it's certainly not you. i'd do anything for you.
kathryn pope - kathryn - i commend you on your note, it was very well-written. kat, you are funny as hell. i miss that so much. i miss laughing my ass off and acting like retards and taking a million hours to get water to the soccer boys and just having a good time. i miss that unbelievably much. that note though, man that hurt. i haven't and didn't say anything even close to that to you ever. i just don't understand when our friendship went bad. i know i got mad about all of you not bothering to even call me when i was going through all this stuff. and no i'm not trying to be selfish about it but i went through a lot - i went through a time when my friends were all i had - and then yall weren't there, not even on the phone. i've been thinking about it and i guess i can understand why you think i put myself into that situation. i did do things with jared and my mom did find out. but i cannot see how that would constitute physical or verbal abuse. that's why i left. if you haven't noticed, i don't put up with peoples' shit. i just don't. i guess - i dunno. i'm not trying to be trite but i'd say that yalls' [sara, kat, dee] lives have been better than mine. and no i'm not trying to make myself the victim of anything. i'm just trying to let you see my side of this thing. yall have great parents. [yeah sara i know-exception] yall have great lives. at least to me it seems that way. since 10th grade ive been miserable at my house. and even before that dramatic life-changing events have happened. we've all had our share of ups and downs - i know. i guess the easiet way to put it is that my life seems to keep going down. kat, i dunno. apparently you dont give a shit about me and could care less if i died tomorrow. but it's not mutual - i guess thats what i'm getting at.
sara mcglothlin - i've tried. i've tried to carry on converstations with you in chemistry and you dismiss me with a flip of your wrist. i've tried to be what we all used to be. do you remember when we both got stuck in that stupid chemistry class and had those dumbass boys besides us always asking about stuff we knew by heart? do you remember how excited we were when we got into kuykendall? i haven't seen that 'ugly face' in a long time - but i do have pictures of it. i do remember how much fun we had at lunch all the time. we laughed all the time. so when you said that if i died only 5 people [maybe] would miss me - god that hurt. i guess that was your intentions though.
janelle colette rivard - we've been together through it all. and then i find out you laugh about me behind my back. i gave you the last VERY LAST morsel of trust i had left and now it seems like it was a waste. i know i overreacted some the other night but i just couldnt understand how you would laugh along with everyone and not back me up at all. if anyone ever says anything about you when i'm around i defend you like my life depended on it. i told you before - i love you. you are all i have left out of all this mess. but knowing that - it's just incomprehensible. i know and you know that i've made bad decisions about stuff, but you've been there. supporting whether i'm an idiot or not. except for maybe when you and donya were going to burn jared's sweatshirt and give it back to him in a bottle. [there are always exceptions] knowing what you did hurt most of all out of all this. but i love you still.
i guess i'm done. leave your comments but can we please be nicer. let's not talk about people dying and what-not -- that hits me hard. remember: you never know when you're going to go so live each day as if it's your last.
i still love you all - the love is just kinda rusty.
-jaylee m.
[christy would be here except that i'm not ready, and maybe never will be, to be friends with her again. i don't think we could. i dont think i could ever trust her. i'll leave it at that.]
deidre humphrey - i have known you for a while. i have always respected you. i've always admired your intelligence. i've always thought you were a great person. you are trustworthy and i know anything you say - to the best of your knowledge - is true. i miss being friends with you. i miss being asked to swat the fly in front of a swarm of black people. i miss being stupid with you.
donya stagner - donya, we've been through a lot of shit together. and hearing you say some of those things makes me hate you so much. but i also miss you. we're two different types of people. i tell it straight up; i piss people off; i'm a bitch when it comes to telling my opinions; people hate that yet they respect it. you don't; you write about it and ponder it; you are more 'feeling-ish'; and people admire that. including myself. i loved hearing your songs you made up. i actually loved cleaning your room. i love cursing boys for hours. i love doing those things with you. i loved being with you and hearing about your stories and how you got in trouble 'this time' and what not. i miss that and i still love you with all my heart - you just hurt me really bad with all those comments. in none of those comment did i ever say anything mean about you yet you called me a bitch and told me "you are no one to talk about treating people like shit." i'd like to know who i treat like shit - it's certainly not you. i'd do anything for you.
kathryn pope - kathryn - i commend you on your note, it was very well-written. kat, you are funny as hell. i miss that so much. i miss laughing my ass off and acting like retards and taking a million hours to get water to the soccer boys and just having a good time. i miss that unbelievably much. that note though, man that hurt. i haven't and didn't say anything even close to that to you ever. i just don't understand when our friendship went bad. i know i got mad about all of you not bothering to even call me when i was going through all this stuff. and no i'm not trying to be selfish about it but i went through a lot - i went through a time when my friends were all i had - and then yall weren't there, not even on the phone. i've been thinking about it and i guess i can understand why you think i put myself into that situation. i did do things with jared and my mom did find out. but i cannot see how that would constitute physical or verbal abuse. that's why i left. if you haven't noticed, i don't put up with peoples' shit. i just don't. i guess - i dunno. i'm not trying to be trite but i'd say that yalls' [sara, kat, dee] lives have been better than mine. and no i'm not trying to make myself the victim of anything. i'm just trying to let you see my side of this thing. yall have great parents. [yeah sara i know-exception] yall have great lives. at least to me it seems that way. since 10th grade ive been miserable at my house. and even before that dramatic life-changing events have happened. we've all had our share of ups and downs - i know. i guess the easiet way to put it is that my life seems to keep going down. kat, i dunno. apparently you dont give a shit about me and could care less if i died tomorrow. but it's not mutual - i guess thats what i'm getting at.
sara mcglothlin - i've tried. i've tried to carry on converstations with you in chemistry and you dismiss me with a flip of your wrist. i've tried to be what we all used to be. do you remember when we both got stuck in that stupid chemistry class and had those dumbass boys besides us always asking about stuff we knew by heart? do you remember how excited we were when we got into kuykendall? i haven't seen that 'ugly face' in a long time - but i do have pictures of it. i do remember how much fun we had at lunch all the time. we laughed all the time. so when you said that if i died only 5 people [maybe] would miss me - god that hurt. i guess that was your intentions though.
janelle colette rivard - we've been together through it all. and then i find out you laugh about me behind my back. i gave you the last VERY LAST morsel of trust i had left and now it seems like it was a waste. i know i overreacted some the other night but i just couldnt understand how you would laugh along with everyone and not back me up at all. if anyone ever says anything about you when i'm around i defend you like my life depended on it. i told you before - i love you. you are all i have left out of all this mess. but knowing that - it's just incomprehensible. i know and you know that i've made bad decisions about stuff, but you've been there. supporting whether i'm an idiot or not. except for maybe when you and donya were going to burn jared's sweatshirt and give it back to him in a bottle. [there are always exceptions] knowing what you did hurt most of all out of all this. but i love you still.
i guess i'm done. leave your comments but can we please be nicer. let's not talk about people dying and what-not -- that hits me hard. remember: you never know when you're going to go so live each day as if it's your last.
i still love you all - the love is just kinda rusty.
-jaylee m.