from the desk of samsonite el gato
hello everybody who reads tshells journal, i am samsonite el gato - i had no say in deciding the name. it's embarrassing, i mean really, who the hell names a cat samsonite el gato? a fucking lunatic, that's who. which brings me to my point: i'm looking for another home.
i am NOT happy with my current living conditions.
1. i am not fed nearly enough.
2. i am only allowed very very very small amounts of human food, to the point it's nonexistent.
3. frankly, i just don't like debbie, she talks to me as if i'm interested in anything she has to say. she's a moron.
4. i don't have one of those cool flowing water fountains that i can drink out of. i have a bowl. a fucking boring BOWL. what is this 1970?
5. it's much too cold in this house.
6. debbie has this thing about snapping her fingers at me whenever i'm trying to get at the food she keeps in a drawer. so i've scratched the hell out of the wood, come on!! it's only wood for christ sake and if she fed me more, i wouldn't have to go scratching at the drawer now would i?
7. she eats donuts in front of me and doesn't share. well, she does, sorta, but i have to swipe and claw at the donuts until she relents but even then i only get MAYBE two or three tiny little pieces. what a cheapskate!!
8. she throws treats at me. THROWS!.... ON THE FLOOR!!! what am i a dog?
9. she made me go to some building where some guy with a white coat on stuck some sort of stick up my butt. THAT IS NOT EVEN FREAKIN' COOL!!! and he stuck needles in me... NEEDLES!!!
10. the other day she painted my nose red with a marker while i was asleep. when i woke up she and denise were laughing at me. what the fuck is that about? i was NOT amused.
i could go on and on but if debbie sees me on her computer there'll be hell to pay, she caught me looking up cat porn the other day and it was not pretty so if anybody is interested in a handsome young grey tabby, who by the way is big-boned and not fat, as debbie likes to call me, then please email me at samsoniteelgato@yahoo.cat
thank you and i look forward to making your acquaintance.
meow.
oh also: i have the sneaking suspicion that debbie is gay.
ew.
i'm a christian cat and i don't cotton to those sorts of shenanigans.
i am NOT happy with my current living conditions.
1. i am not fed nearly enough.
2. i am only allowed very very very small amounts of human food, to the point it's nonexistent.
3. frankly, i just don't like debbie, she talks to me as if i'm interested in anything she has to say. she's a moron.
4. i don't have one of those cool flowing water fountains that i can drink out of. i have a bowl. a fucking boring BOWL. what is this 1970?
5. it's much too cold in this house.
6. debbie has this thing about snapping her fingers at me whenever i'm trying to get at the food she keeps in a drawer. so i've scratched the hell out of the wood, come on!! it's only wood for christ sake and if she fed me more, i wouldn't have to go scratching at the drawer now would i?
7. she eats donuts in front of me and doesn't share. well, she does, sorta, but i have to swipe and claw at the donuts until she relents but even then i only get MAYBE two or three tiny little pieces. what a cheapskate!!
8. she throws treats at me. THROWS!.... ON THE FLOOR!!! what am i a dog?
9. she made me go to some building where some guy with a white coat on stuck some sort of stick up my butt. THAT IS NOT EVEN FREAKIN' COOL!!! and he stuck needles in me... NEEDLES!!!
10. the other day she painted my nose red with a marker while i was asleep. when i woke up she and denise were laughing at me. what the fuck is that about? i was NOT amused.
i could go on and on but if debbie sees me on her computer there'll be hell to pay, she caught me looking up cat porn the other day and it was not pretty so if anybody is interested in a handsome young grey tabby, who by the way is big-boned and not fat, as debbie likes to call me, then please email me at samsoniteelgato@yahoo.cat
thank you and i look forward to making your acquaintance.
meow.
oh also: i have the sneaking suspicion that debbie is gay.
ew.
i'm a christian cat and i don't cotton to those sorts of shenanigans.