UPDATE
Well kids, I am sure you aren't surprised that this LJ is completely "I am so in love"-ful. I don't know what it is about this boy... but i can never leave his side.
So i got bored, and i was distant, and on christmas eve, i fell asleep during Boondock Saints, the most romantic movie ever no doubt lol, and moved to his bed, and before i know it he is waking me up and touching my hair and smiling into my face and saying he loves me. And so after forever because i knew that moment was coming i was just wondering what i would do... i told him i loved him first. And he told me that he wanted to be with me and i thought he meant when i am at school so i was like yea, i wish you were too but im in vermont so youre so far away... and eventually he was like, are you stupid? (in a nice way) and asked me to be official. And we talked about trusting each other, and starting over again, and trying to make it work because it's worth it... but most of all a straight up, is that a yes? and it was... and then we were official. 15 minutes into Christmas I had a boyfriend.
And i didnt sleep at my house until the night before i left. And there was hardly any drama except for me saying i dont want to talk, i have alot on my mind (about coming back to school) and then asking him to break up with me then instead of waiting until i came back, which he flipped out about,... which is understandable, but my mind just isn't in the relationship mode STILL. So the chick he hung out with, history, in the sense that she's pregnant (impossible that its his) and he spent almost every minute after christmas with me. Like, i only spent an hour at home, if that to shower and pack clothes, a day.
And every day he'd tell me he loved me. And that i was the only one for him because i am almost like a dream. That i was so good to him that i make him want to be a better man. And i'd want to believe him. And i'd want to believe that i still loved him back, but i was iffy, you know? After what happened, even though we are trying to start anew.... but i just realized... that i do love him. I love so much about him that it makes me sick... and i miss him so much that it makes me sick... and i just want this to work out and to be able to really forget about what has happened... but i can't trust him yet... and i can't fully love him and be serious until i can... so currently we are in an experiment... he doesnt know about it, but i hope that he passes and does well... because obviously i really love this guy...
I am sure that you people are wondering what happened with Carlos. I haven't talked about him since long before i got involved with Josh. Well, he came back and didn't call (as far as i know, my mom recently admitted to declining his calls to me because she didnt like him tho) So in September, when Josh and I were going through a "just friends" mode, i grew balls and i messaged him on myspace and all he gave me was a "oh havent talked to you in a while my bad" so i gave him some sass and he said "oh it seems like you have gained some self esstem and changed some" and i said you bet ass, and its because you fucking asked me to wait for you and then forgot about me and no reply... so i sent him another "this is how much you suck" message and finally closed that chapter... carlos is gone. Carlos is now a dad and has someone else in the world and i dont really care because now that i tihnk about it, it wasn't anything that i should have wasted that time on or loved... it was lesson to be learned but thats okay with me... cause i learned alot and now i have Josh... The other night i saw that he was supposed to come home soon so i message him a hows it going and he messaged me a i see you have someone who cares for you, thats great, ill be home soon... maybe i can give you a call... and i said to myself, i hope not. and thats what is really important... that i am over him. It took almost 3 years but i am done. and now i am in love.
So i got bored, and i was distant, and on christmas eve, i fell asleep during Boondock Saints, the most romantic movie ever no doubt lol, and moved to his bed, and before i know it he is waking me up and touching my hair and smiling into my face and saying he loves me. And so after forever because i knew that moment was coming i was just wondering what i would do... i told him i loved him first. And he told me that he wanted to be with me and i thought he meant when i am at school so i was like yea, i wish you were too but im in vermont so youre so far away... and eventually he was like, are you stupid? (in a nice way) and asked me to be official. And we talked about trusting each other, and starting over again, and trying to make it work because it's worth it... but most of all a straight up, is that a yes? and it was... and then we were official. 15 minutes into Christmas I had a boyfriend.
And i didnt sleep at my house until the night before i left. And there was hardly any drama except for me saying i dont want to talk, i have alot on my mind (about coming back to school) and then asking him to break up with me then instead of waiting until i came back, which he flipped out about,... which is understandable, but my mind just isn't in the relationship mode STILL. So the chick he hung out with, history, in the sense that she's pregnant (impossible that its his) and he spent almost every minute after christmas with me. Like, i only spent an hour at home, if that to shower and pack clothes, a day.
And every day he'd tell me he loved me. And that i was the only one for him because i am almost like a dream. That i was so good to him that i make him want to be a better man. And i'd want to believe him. And i'd want to believe that i still loved him back, but i was iffy, you know? After what happened, even though we are trying to start anew.... but i just realized... that i do love him. I love so much about him that it makes me sick... and i miss him so much that it makes me sick... and i just want this to work out and to be able to really forget about what has happened... but i can't trust him yet... and i can't fully love him and be serious until i can... so currently we are in an experiment... he doesnt know about it, but i hope that he passes and does well... because obviously i really love this guy...
I am sure that you people are wondering what happened with Carlos. I haven't talked about him since long before i got involved with Josh. Well, he came back and didn't call (as far as i know, my mom recently admitted to declining his calls to me because she didnt like him tho) So in September, when Josh and I were going through a "just friends" mode, i grew balls and i messaged him on myspace and all he gave me was a "oh havent talked to you in a while my bad" so i gave him some sass and he said "oh it seems like you have gained some self esstem and changed some" and i said you bet ass, and its because you fucking asked me to wait for you and then forgot about me and no reply... so i sent him another "this is how much you suck" message and finally closed that chapter... carlos is gone. Carlos is now a dad and has someone else in the world and i dont really care because now that i tihnk about it, it wasn't anything that i should have wasted that time on or loved... it was lesson to be learned but thats okay with me... cause i learned alot and now i have Josh... The other night i saw that he was supposed to come home soon so i message him a hows it going and he messaged me a i see you have someone who cares for you, thats great, ill be home soon... maybe i can give you a call... and i said to myself, i hope not. and thats what is really important... that i am over him. It took almost 3 years but i am done. and now i am in love.