I am sorry
I am kind of at the end of my rope. I need to get through the year and then I hope to just disappear. I just feel like everything and everyone in Boston (including myself) is a lost cause. That no matter what I do or how hard I try nothing will ever change.
Half of the time I think it is me. That to be my friend or a part of my life is a project. I think sometimes people sort of give up on me. I am aware of all of my flaws. I know that I am extremely sensitive. That I don’t go out anymore because the impressions I get from various different people make me feel like they don’t like me. Maybe that is just wrong but, if that’s the vibe I get why would I want to leave my apartment?
The other half of the time I get upset, that I try so hard to take everybody’s feelings into consideration and ½ of my so-called friends can’t reciprocate and do the same for me. I just feel like I am always putting in more than I get back. It’s very frustrating after a while. Why bother? I should just be an asshole and stop caring. Some people say to me, “That is just how they are”. Well, I don’t want to be friends with somebody who treats me like that and I am so sick and tired of it.
I don’t know why I even bother with this. Part of me hopes that certain people will read this and it will have some kind of effect. I know it won’t but, I still try.
Thank you to the people that are nice to me and make me feel better. I love you.
<3
T
Half of the time I think it is me. That to be my friend or a part of my life is a project. I think sometimes people sort of give up on me. I am aware of all of my flaws. I know that I am extremely sensitive. That I don’t go out anymore because the impressions I get from various different people make me feel like they don’t like me. Maybe that is just wrong but, if that’s the vibe I get why would I want to leave my apartment?
The other half of the time I get upset, that I try so hard to take everybody’s feelings into consideration and ½ of my so-called friends can’t reciprocate and do the same for me. I just feel like I am always putting in more than I get back. It’s very frustrating after a while. Why bother? I should just be an asshole and stop caring. Some people say to me, “That is just how they are”. Well, I don’t want to be friends with somebody who treats me like that and I am so sick and tired of it.
I don’t know why I even bother with this. Part of me hopes that certain people will read this and it will have some kind of effect. I know it won’t but, I still try.
Thank you to the people that are nice to me and make me feel better. I love you.
<3
T