WTF subconscious?
I do not remember the first part of my dream, but I do know there was some lead-up to what happened later. I was the First Mate on a ship that was captained by a James T. Kirk/Buck Rogers kind of guy. Very cocky. Very sure of himself. Very much thinking that he was a ladies man.
We were on this planet of giant alien insects and had met the Queen. The best I can describe her is that she looked like a 7 foot tall cross between a praying mantis and an earwig. There was some sort of misunderstanding and Captain Dumbass challenges the Queen to a duel, because obviously that is what is done when you offend the Queen. Challenge her to a duel to defend your honor. If you win, you are forgiven. If she wins, she eats you. Awesome.
The Queen wants two Seconds in the fight, so myself and some other poor woman on the ship have to be the Captain's Seconds. Of course to prove that they have to weapons, the Seconds have to strip down and wear nothing. Let me tell you, dodging a fight between your Captain and a giant insect while naked is not fun. Especially when the Queen keeps doing things like shooting her giant sticky tongue at you to make you shriek and flail. EW. And what was Captain Dumbass doing while the Queen was doing this? Laughing his fool head off.
All through the fight, Captain Dumbass is bantering with the Queen. I say bantering, but it was more like flirting with her. Later in the dream he said it was to throw her off guard and make sure she didn't eat him. I'm not sure I believe him.
Eventually though, Captain Dumbass loses. I do have to admit that the bantering must have done something, because the Queen decides that instead of eating him she wants to reward him by making her his... some word in her language. Her seconds looks absolutely shocked. Me? I was attempting to put my clothes back on at this point.
The honor the Queen is bestowing on the Captain? He gets to carry her eggs until they hatch. So she proceeds to pin him down to the floor and have anal sex with him. I will spare you the details of this. Once she's laid the eggs, one of her Seconds comes over and has anal sex with the Captain to fertilize the eggs. Then the second of her Seconds had sex with him to seal off the eggs inside him.
I will say that I took great pleasure in pointing out to the Captain that he seemed to enjoy the two bouts of sex with the male insects over sex with the Queen. He insisted that it was because he was expecting the other two, but not the Queen. I'm not sure I believe him. XD
So now my Captain is knocked up by giant insects and has to stay on the planet until the eggs hatch and he has their ass babies. Alas, I woke up before the blessed event. I will say that Captain Dumbass was absolutely mortified and kept trying to get me to promise NEVER TO SPEAK OF THIS TO ANYONE. Yeah right. This story was too good not to share. It was not helped by the fact that the insects practically doted on him. "Do you need some water? A chair? You look flushed. Maybe you should lie down." Hysterical.
Maybe I should write this as a Christmas gift to myself. ^_^