(no subject)
It's way too early for me to be awake, but I'm doing better than usual. Lately I have been awake all night and going to bed somewhere between 9am-11am, usually waking back up around 4 or 5 in the evening. Not good. Donovan and I were completely backwards for the past two weeks, so last night I took a step in the right direction, and we were both in bed at 2. This does mean I only slept for 3 hours, but it's a start. It probably is not a bad thing that I am up this early, there is a lot of chores that could be done before Jenny picks me up at 11:30. Laundry, dishes, baby bottles, and some straightening up in pretty much every room of the house that I use, are only to name a few.
I'm very excited about today. Jenny and I became friends while I was pregnant. Her son, Kingston, was 6 weeks old when we first met, and naturally since I was having a baby boy myself, I was addicted to him. I wish we would have gotten to know each other better then, but we ended up losing touch after a couple of months. We met again by accident in a toy store at the mall. My son, Donovan, was a few weeks old I believe.. three or four, i don't remember. Anyhow, we were very excited to see each other, exchanged numbers, and promised one another we would hang out sometime, and parted ways. Naturally, either of us called the other. A few days ago I was looking in my phone and decided to give her a call, there was no answer so I left a message. Yesterday evening she gave me a call back, and we decided to get together with our boys for lunch today. It should be nice, I look forward to it. She is definitely the kind of girl that I could see myself becoming close to. This is good, because I could never have to many young-mommy friends around. :)
So now I'm going to completely change the subject. (see previous entry) I have to say someone has been really running around in my head lately, and I feel like a complete idiot for it, for a number of reasons. First and foremost, he is unavailable for the time being, go figure.. me wanting something I can't have? Not unheard of. The thoughts aren't seriously eating my brain up, it has just been on my mind a little more than things usually are unless I feel there is some importance to them. I catch myself actually thinking about how much I really hope the relationship he is in doesn't work out. Apparently it isn't doing well at all right now, according to him, but you never know, that's only what he tells me. I hate situations like this and I usually would never involve myself, but hes like almost irresistible. Whatever it is, he sure is filling my head up. Apparently he's forced to stick around with his girlfriend for a little longer until he gets started in the fire academy, and can afford to move out.. otherwise he will not have a place to call home.. so I don't know. Its probably a bad idea, but I'm not going to write it off as a possibility yet. OK, I got that out of my system. Enough of that.
I think my problem is that I'm just lonely in general. If I'm not emotionally ready for a relationship of some sort, I almost am. I hate to be "looking" though, but I would just really really love at least a date with someone. I feel like I'm at the point in my life where I'm finally OK with who I am, and finally am sure about who I want to be in the future. I'm fine being alone, I don't need any kind of a relationship for validation, finally. However what I miss is something I feel that is healthy. I miss companionship, butterflies, affection, and all the things in a good relationship that make you feel warm. I mean, I've been offered a few dates, but nothing I would want to consider pursuing. The first date I was asked on the guy was literally creepy to an extreme. I don't know what it was, something about him just screamed "lock me up for the safety of society." The second was far to old, and the most recent I just was terribly not attracted to. Oh well, my time will come. At least SOMEONE has shown some interest in me. It shows that I'm still semi-desirable to some, right? Haha, who knows.
OH YEAH - I've been really getting a lot of this lately:
emotional spam: that crap that your mom, needy friend, or significant other is always trying to fill your psychological inbox with
Ex. "Ashley blasted me with a ton of emotional spam because I wouldn't let her crazy raging alcoholic homeless boyfriend stay a night at my house, where I have an infant."
KJAHFKJ@&!
I'm very excited about today. Jenny and I became friends while I was pregnant. Her son, Kingston, was 6 weeks old when we first met, and naturally since I was having a baby boy myself, I was addicted to him. I wish we would have gotten to know each other better then, but we ended up losing touch after a couple of months. We met again by accident in a toy store at the mall. My son, Donovan, was a few weeks old I believe.. three or four, i don't remember. Anyhow, we were very excited to see each other, exchanged numbers, and promised one another we would hang out sometime, and parted ways. Naturally, either of us called the other. A few days ago I was looking in my phone and decided to give her a call, there was no answer so I left a message. Yesterday evening she gave me a call back, and we decided to get together with our boys for lunch today. It should be nice, I look forward to it. She is definitely the kind of girl that I could see myself becoming close to. This is good, because I could never have to many young-mommy friends around. :)
So now I'm going to completely change the subject. (see previous entry) I have to say someone has been really running around in my head lately, and I feel like a complete idiot for it, for a number of reasons. First and foremost, he is unavailable for the time being, go figure.. me wanting something I can't have? Not unheard of. The thoughts aren't seriously eating my brain up, it has just been on my mind a little more than things usually are unless I feel there is some importance to them. I catch myself actually thinking about how much I really hope the relationship he is in doesn't work out. Apparently it isn't doing well at all right now, according to him, but you never know, that's only what he tells me. I hate situations like this and I usually would never involve myself, but hes like almost irresistible. Whatever it is, he sure is filling my head up. Apparently he's forced to stick around with his girlfriend for a little longer until he gets started in the fire academy, and can afford to move out.. otherwise he will not have a place to call home.. so I don't know. Its probably a bad idea, but I'm not going to write it off as a possibility yet. OK, I got that out of my system. Enough of that.
I think my problem is that I'm just lonely in general. If I'm not emotionally ready for a relationship of some sort, I almost am. I hate to be "looking" though, but I would just really really love at least a date with someone. I feel like I'm at the point in my life where I'm finally OK with who I am, and finally am sure about who I want to be in the future. I'm fine being alone, I don't need any kind of a relationship for validation, finally. However what I miss is something I feel that is healthy. I miss companionship, butterflies, affection, and all the things in a good relationship that make you feel warm. I mean, I've been offered a few dates, but nothing I would want to consider pursuing. The first date I was asked on the guy was literally creepy to an extreme. I don't know what it was, something about him just screamed "lock me up for the safety of society." The second was far to old, and the most recent I just was terribly not attracted to. Oh well, my time will come. At least SOMEONE has shown some interest in me. It shows that I'm still semi-desirable to some, right? Haha, who knows.
OH YEAH - I've been really getting a lot of this lately:
emotional spam: that crap that your mom, needy friend, or significant other is always trying to fill your psychological inbox with
Ex. "Ashley blasted me with a ton of emotional spam because I wouldn't let her crazy raging alcoholic homeless boyfriend stay a night at my house, where I have an infant."
KJAHFKJ@&!