Sorta depressing, just kinda ignore.
Well,
I'm sorta depressed.
Everyone is getting ready to leave. Getting ready to go back to work, back to school, back to college, back to somewhere. Somewhere where they are important, where they matter. It just seems like I'm here. Still. Everyone is leaving to become something better. I'm just stuck on repeat. I was suppose to be something, be someone. I fell on my face. Not just because of school, but because I was dumb enough to let some boy get the best of me. I let myself down. I let him get the best of me so that I turned to the worst possible thing, for me. No I didn't just slowly get into it, nor did I just quietly get back to it. I went full throttle, head on fuck my life up. I did it, because of him. The sad thing was it didn't even matter to him. I thought somehow me hurting myself might give him some idea of what he had done to me, but no... he sat there in my den while I sat in my kitchen and did it... He didn't tell me to stop, he didn't offer to help... just sat there. Watching baseball and occasionally saying something. Really stupid, right? I know... because of that I'm here. Watching everyone leaving, watching other people go on to do what I always saw myself doing. I have no direction anymore... its just a "whatever" type of deal. There's nothing exciting to look forward to anymore. Tomorrow is just another today, and today is just a repeat of yesterday. And everyone goes on... I just wish people didn't fade in and out of your life. Or at least some of them. Its like they're here and then "poof" they're gone. Like somehow you just don't matter that much to them. I don't understand people. I don't understand life. I don't understand anything anymore. Just when you think you matter, you realize you really don't. Everyone is just peachy without you.
I'm sorta depressed.
Everyone is getting ready to leave. Getting ready to go back to work, back to school, back to college, back to somewhere. Somewhere where they are important, where they matter. It just seems like I'm here. Still. Everyone is leaving to become something better. I'm just stuck on repeat. I was suppose to be something, be someone. I fell on my face. Not just because of school, but because I was dumb enough to let some boy get the best of me. I let myself down. I let him get the best of me so that I turned to the worst possible thing, for me. No I didn't just slowly get into it, nor did I just quietly get back to it. I went full throttle, head on fuck my life up. I did it, because of him. The sad thing was it didn't even matter to him. I thought somehow me hurting myself might give him some idea of what he had done to me, but no... he sat there in my den while I sat in my kitchen and did it... He didn't tell me to stop, he didn't offer to help... just sat there. Watching baseball and occasionally saying something. Really stupid, right? I know... because of that I'm here. Watching everyone leaving, watching other people go on to do what I always saw myself doing. I have no direction anymore... its just a "whatever" type of deal. There's nothing exciting to look forward to anymore. Tomorrow is just another today, and today is just a repeat of yesterday. And everyone goes on... I just wish people didn't fade in and out of your life. Or at least some of them. Its like they're here and then "poof" they're gone. Like somehow you just don't matter that much to them. I don't understand people. I don't understand life. I don't understand anything anymore. Just when you think you matter, you realize you really don't. Everyone is just peachy without you.